So, the layout for the story, the characters, the ideas all seem great. You do need a lot of grammatical editing, though. You're very descriptive of your characters and you flesh them out well. Unger the feeling that will one day be a great story, but right now its more of a rough draft. You need to have someone edit your works a little. Even having a friend, who also speaks English as a second or first language, read it and mark where some words are either misspelled or do not make sense.
Otherwise, I would like to read more of this story, once it is finished.
