chapter 22

Vukan's palms grew sweaty without even realizing it, but his lips pressed forward, about ready to consume Oliver's with the appropriate gusto.

Oliver's eyes suddenly sprung open to catch sight of the incoming pair of lips. He clamped his eyes shut and opened them intermittently, as the image before him was that of Bruce Scott. Glancing right back at him was the same boyish smile, blonde haired kid of the same height as him. It was Bruce Scott, somehow manifesting through his subconscious and unto Vukan's face.

Oliver closed his eyes again, trying his best to focus on the person before him but to no avail. Thoughts of Bruce had already triggered a domino of emotional guilt. He shook his head and brushed Vukan's face aside even before Vukan could connect his lips with Oliver's.

"This isn't right! This just shouldn't be happening!" a confused sounding Oliver shook his head and slowly crumbled to his knees.

Vukan had never seen that side to Oliver and felt helpless in being able to do anything about it.

"Oliver?" he muttered while he reached out to try and help Oliver back to his feet.

Oliver roared and snapped at Vukan, "You are one sneaky piss of shit, aren't you? You set this whole thing up, knowing too well it would play on my emotions".

Vukan hoped to explain and also debunk the accusations but Oliver had swung into his rather scary mode and granted him no opportunity to speak.

"Do you know what you are? You are a pervert! You are nothing but a darn pervert!' Oliver yelled.

He turned his back to Vukan and his attention to the balloons and decorations. Fueled by rage as images of Bruce Scott continued to play through his mind, he ripped into the decorations.

"You planned to mess with my emotions so you can have your way, didn't you?" Oliver said while he tore down the entire decoration within his reach.

The rage and level of madness Oliver showed was beyond Vukan's understanding. To the very best of his knowledge, he had done nothing wrong and while he tried to make sense of everything, he continued to fall flat.

"What did I do?" he asked himself out loud without even realizing it.

"You know what you did", Oliver replied with tears slowly welling in his eyes. 'You played with my emotions the entire time and now look what you have caused".

Vukan was getting nowhere as regards the answer he needed. He drew backwards, tried his best to avoid engaging Oliver in a tussle should anyone arise.

"I only wanted to surprise and appreciate you at the same time", Vukan explained with his hands up as though he was engaging the police. 'I would never ever do anything to manipulate your emotions. You should know this already".

Oliver tried to shut Vukan's words out of his ear. He didn't want to consume any more. All he could see was a well spun web of constant manipulation from the beginning. He couldn't look past what he had seen from and of Vukan from the start and his mind pondered on just how much he must have done to get to him.

Bruce's images which had rushed through in what felt like flashbacks didn't help either. The young and innocent face tormented him and left him with enormous guilt about attempting to kiss another boy and especially on the bridge that meant a lot to them when he was alive.

"Oliver", Vukan called out in the sweetest and calmest tone possible. "I need you to breathe and try to calm down. This is all I am asking of you".

Oliver locked him in a rather wild stare, before taking Vukan's advice. He sucked in a huge amount of air and held it within his chest to help create enough pent up energy which he then released. He redid the act over and over and again until his breathing attained some normalcy. Soon after, his mind began to attain some clarity.

"Easy does it now. You don't need to rush it and I promise not to pester you with any question until you are ready to talk", Vukan acted as a therapist as best as he could.

Oliver finally managed to gain some calm as he found himself a spot on the ground to rest his tired legs. The burst balloons and torn ribbons lay just next to him as he managed to stay away from touching anything from what he had just damaged. He looked better, but Vukan was most relieved.

Vukan took his spot right by Oliver too. Everything that had happened within the past ten minutes s=remained like a dream to him. It felt like he had been forced through a nightmare and one in which only Oliver could explain.

"If I may ask, why were you suddenly spooked by the prospect of the both of us sharing a kiss?' Vukan asked, feeling quite angry without realizing it yet.

He turned his attention to Oliver who was caught with his mouth opened, his eyes widened and his fingers toying with his feet without an apt answer yet.

"Well, that is your opinion and not mine. I was clearly not interested in kissing you before you managed to lock me in your arms", Oliver turned the entire thing around and upside down. "This is why I called you a pervert, remember?"

It didn't make sense to Vukan. The more he thought about it, the more it didn't make an iota of sense. He had seen Oliver open his mouth in response to the heat of the moment, before manically pulling out at the last point.

Vukan shook his head and refused to accept such bogus claims. "It is easier to blame me rather than tell yourself the truth, isn't it? I'm guessing this is how you deal with situations you cannot entirely control or which you feel stuck in".

Oliver retorted. "Just when I was beginning to think that you and I can actually become friends, then you pull up such audacious crap".

He kicked against the shredded ribbons at his feet and sent some flying in Vukan's direction.

"I don't even know why I bothered", Vukan said disappointedly.

Everything he had done felt like a waste of time. He wondered what productive things he might have accomplished with the time he had vested on Oliver. Their communication had been solid and the level of expectations when it came to them seeing each other or even arranging dinner events with their families, was beyond exciting.

It was what got Vukan so assured that things would work out in that particular moment. It was what he needed to give him the strength to rush over to the bridge in the blistering cold that morning, set up the decorations and still manage to head off for his graduation ceremony just in the nick of time. He couldn't believe he had done everything only to be labeled a pervert afterwards by the same person he was desperately trying to impress.

"This cannot be happening to me", Vukan lamented.

Oliver snorted. "You brought it on yourself. You decided to actually create issues where there shouldn't be any by going the extra mile to show your true self".

Vukan had heard just about enough to get his anger boiling. "What did you say?"

Oliver ignored him and continued to cast his gaze to the ground.

"What did the past few weeks of constant texting mean/ What about the moments we shared together? How did you see the outings and dinners?" Vukan asked in an angry tone. "Were they all just me messing around to you?"

Oliver's words were unbelievable and they packed quite some gut wrenching hurt too.

"So all I was good for was to get used while you pretend to like me?" Vukan asked.

"I never pretended to like you. We have been friends and nothing more", Oliver replied. "There is someone else I love and you know it".

Vukan tossed his arms in the air and got to his feet. He figured he should have linked the bizarre action of pulling away suddenly, and then going on a rather theatrical performance, to Bruce.

"This is about Bruce Scott, your dead boyfriend whom you still feel very much attached to, isn't it?' Vukan shook his head in dismay. "I literally walked into this one without ever thinking of the bigger picture".

Oliver fell silent for a while, began to sniff and soon burst to tears as Vukan distanced himself from the weeping boy. Ach had their heart shredded with thoughts and assumptions, but Oliver couldn't quite make Vukan see things in light to his own thoughts.

"Maybe this was a mistake from the start", Oliver said. "I clearly took you to be a friend but you took advantage of it to prey on my emotions and I cannot have that".

Vukan gasped and almost swallowed a fly as he left his mouth agar.

"You are blaming me for this rather than accept your insecurities?" Vukan inquired without actually expecting a response. "If you are right and I am wrong and if you truly are just into this for the friendship then why not openly tell our parents?"

Oliver looked caught up in searching for the appropriate answer. The air and mood between the two was badly heating up and there was no telling what terrible words and thoughts would come coursing through.

"I never said I didn't want anything to do with you. I simply made it clear that I can never forget about Bruce and that he will always remain a part of me", Oliver deflected.

Vukan let off a rather sarcastic laugh and he shook his head and kicked against a pebble standing on the bridge. "Listen to yourself. You are trying so hard and yet still failing".

He paused and waited for a response from Oliver but none came.

Vukan continued as he tucked his hands into his pockets, "If you despise me so much, as is the case or how I am feeling right now, then why not tell our families and put them out of this fantasy misery?"

Oliver sighed and looked exhausted as he finally got back on his feet. "I cannot do that".

Vukan let off a stream of mocking laughter as he couldn't believe his ears.

"You can't? How convenient", he mocked. "Why on earth can't you? How is it hard to tell them the truth when you obviously don't want me?"

Oliver's eyes welled up with copious amounts of tears. He wished he had not left his parents in the first place to tag along with Vukan. He wished he had declined and vehemently refused against being dragged away.

"I need to know why!?" Vukan yelled, letting his temper threaten to get the better of him.

Oliver barely knew when the words came spilling out, "Because they deserve every bit of happiness I can give to them! I cannot tell them because they deserve every ounce of happiness I can provide them!"

He locked his gaze on Vukan like a wounded lion.

"Do you have any idea how much those people have given up for me? Do you know what they have had to contend with and how many times they sacrificed their happiness on my behalf?" he asked rhetorically as Vukan slowly began to retreat.

Vukan had not expected such a ferocious response.

"I am completely helpless and I am only trying to do the little I can if it would bring them peace and happiness as we w=see when they have dinner with your family, thinking you and I are an item", Oliver explained in a somber tone.

He wished Vukan had seen everything his parents had to go through because of him. Their battle with his biological father had prompted them to up and leave their life behind. They had chosen his safety over everything they managed to build and fancied, all to begin afresh somewhere else. He wasn't sure Vukan would understand; having lived through comfort for the majority of his life.

Oliver walked over to the railing and stood at the exact spot from where he had fallen into the river on the stormy night. He cast his gaze towards the calm waters and wondered what would have happened had he drowned. His parents were bound to suffer immeasurable pain and even in death, he wouldn't have been able to forgive himself.

"You never asked me why I came here on the night you saved me from drowning", Oliver said from where he stood.

"What?" Vukan asked, feigning not to have heard the words correctly.

Oliver turned his head to the side and said, "You never asked me what I was doing out here in the dark before I fell and you came to save me".

Vukan had thought of asking on a few occasions but he would have opened himself up to the same question about what he was doing at the bridge in the dead of the night. He couldn't dare risk being termed a stalker.

"I come here every night since Bruce died because it is the only place I can suffer less. It is the only place that offers hope in the form of one simple coin", Oliver explained as he provided a coin from his pocket and held it out for Vukan to see. "You see, I came here to make a wish for Bruce".

Vukan had guessed as much but wasn't entirely sure. Ever since he heard the story about Bruce, he equated it to being why Oliver often visited the bridge.

"I drop a coin into the river and watch the ripples travel outwards with my wishes", Oliver managed a weak smile from the corner of his mouth as he spoke. "I wish to have my life back. I wish to have happiness again. I wish to have Bruce back since he was the reason for my happiness".

Vukan's heart felt for Oliver as he told his story. He couldn't picture himself carrying such emotional burden around and still managing to smile and laugh.

"Every day without Bruce since his death has felt like I got locked in a tube with little or no air", Oliver explained. "I feel as if I just might suffocate and die".

Oliver sighed, bent over and slowly returned to where he was standing to pick a pebble from the floor. He took aim and cast the pebble far across the river before sighing once again and tilting his head downwards.

"So, I come here, time and time and again, throwing coin after coin into the river and saying a wish every single time before running away", Oliver smiled. "This is my truth. It is what drives me every single day".

Vukan's heart felt broken while he listened to the sad story. While he tossed coins into the river every time he saw Oliver do it, he understood better and watched Oliver slowly begin to walk away from the bridge. Their episode had ended on a sad note for that day and Vukan recognized the need to allow Oliver have his space.

He watched Oliver disappear from sight before turning around and assuming he knew exactly what Oliver had attained some minutes before. Sliding his hand into his pocket and taking out a coin as well, he placed it against his lips, wished for Oliver's wishes to come to pass, and cast it far into the river.

"Please come true", he whispered even while his heart continued to shatter into a thousand pieces.

Granted their graduation day had not turned out the way he had expected, Vukan turned around and made the lonely walk back to meet with his parents. He wasn't sure about how things would work between him and Oliver after their incident. He had hoped things would take on a more positive tone than what he eventually got.

Oliver eyeballed him from the distance, while Vukan did his best to keep away too.

"It might not be worth it, but he deserves to be happy", Vukan noted.

For what felt like the first time in his life, he wasn't actually thinking about himself alone. He genuinely had Oliver's interest at heart, even if he was being seen and taken as a friend and nothing extra.

Henry Adamson, obviously still in a vibrant mood after watching his son graduate, walked over. "We need to find a way to celebrate today! I am talking big and we wouldn't be doing it alone!"

He watched his father look towards Oliver's parents before waving them over with the most innocent smiles. The ignorant parents soon came to discuss ways to celebrate their kids and their accomplishments as a whole.