Watch out for the capital letters, especially for words that starts a sentence. Put small descriptions of what the characters are doing as they speak so readers can imagine the scene in their heads.
nice plot. keep it up. just look through the chapter again as a reader. this will point out your mistakes easily. love ya[img=recommend][img=recommend][img=recommend][img=recommend][img=recommend][img=update][img=update][img=update][img=update]
