Chapter 15

-6-

"I don't get this thing about expectations being separate from our objectives." Marilyn sat in Professor Dingman's office and tried not to beg. Her marks in this course weren't good, and it was a prerequisite for most of the courses in her degree.

"Describe a situation where your expectations weren't met."

"I'm learning to play the drums," Marilyn pushed aside her discomfort. "It's sort of part of my job. Bo, the guy teaching me is the meanest, crudest person I've met."

"Are you learning to play the drums?"

"I just told you I was."

"Let me rephrase the question. Are you getting better at the drums?"

"I think so."

"Then his teaching methods may be unorthodox, but they are effective."

"But shouldn't he treat me with more respect?"

"Why? As horrible as he sounds, he's teaching you and you are learning. If he changed his methods, would you learn as well? Maybe, maybe not. I would hazard a guess if he starts being pleasant and helpful, he will stop being a good instructor."

Marilyn's heart sank as the conversation from the night before replayed in her head.

"You are not the first transgendered student to come through my class and I sincerely hope you won't be the last. As a transgendered person, you expect people to be conscious of how they use gender and where they place you in the web of gender as compared to where you place yourself. This awareness takes a great deal of effort, so most people avoid it by pretending the need doesn't exist. They either ignore you or assign an arbitrary gender and stay with it regardless of what you say." He lifted an eyebrow at Marilyn and she nodded.

"Now your objective is to learn to play the drums." The eyebrow went up again.

"Yes, but..." something began to take shape in her mind. "I'm getting in the way, because I'm expecting him to treat me like everyone else does. I could just focus on the learning and leave the rest. I've been through worse." She shook her head,

"So I have to do this for everything?"

"No," the professor said, "just the times when your expectations get in the way of your objective. It won't always be as easy as this example, but the more you watch for it, the easier it becomes to spot. On the other hand, it is one reason why all social workers are supervised. Given that we work so much in the field of emotions and feelings it behooves us to be very aware of our own."

"Thank you, Professor Dingman," Marilyn went to her room to think and work on her readings. Between classes and working part time she didn't have a lot of time to study.

A knock at her door interrupted her work. Marilyn thought she was just beginning to put the pieces together.

"Yes?"She yanked the door open. She caught a glimpse of Birungi's face falling before Anna stepped forward.

"You're neglecting your friends." She poked Marilyn in the shoulder. "I know you work and you have courses, but your social life is important too. We are, after all, studying to be social workers."

Marilyn caught a glimpse of something before it vanished. Something about what the professor explained to her.

"You're right," Marilyn put school work out of her mind. "I have the night off, so I am at your disposal."

Birungi smiled again and Anna grabbed her arm.

"Quick, before she comes to her senses and changes her mind." They hauled her away laughing and giggling.

"Tonight is a good night." Birungi squeezed Marilyn's hand. "We have a surprise for you."

"Don't give her all the details," Anna waggled her finger. "We must soften her up."

Softening her up included taking her out for a hamburger across the street from the University.

"It is rumored, they use real meat here." Anna looked at her burger.

"What is the university supposed to use?" Birungi asked.

"I don't know, but I've heard it comes from the Chem labs." Marilyn laughed at Birungi's face then took a huge bite of her burger.

To her shock, her friends dragged back into the university toward the campus pub. They usually avoided it as being too full of desperate first year nerds trying to pick up girls. A big poster in the window advertised Talent Night.

"In light of a certain TV show coming here to recruit talent, we decided we should get our dibs in first. Now is your chance at fame,"

"or humiliation,"

"or maybe both."

The judges looked to be senior students paid in beer for their judging efforts. They made no effort to be fair or impartial; praising good looking girls and trashing the men regardless of the perceived talent.

"Go on," Anna said, "It will be fun."

"Remind me again why I let you talk me into this," Marilyn cringed as the trio insulted a big woman with a somewhat shrill operatic style voice.