BEGINNING OF THE END

That night as I lay in my bed, my sleep was haunted by my past. Try as I may I couldn't get my subconscious to forget. Whenever I close my eyes I find myself back in Lagos 7 years ago, at that party, in that hotel where my world crash landed and I lost everything.

My cousin Lucy was having her birthday party and we were there to celebrate with her. We went in a group with two cars,Christian's and May's. Me, Christian, Amanda, Sandra, Anna and my sister May.

I forgot to mention, I have a sister,or should I say had a sister before I lost her too. I was the second child in a family of four. My parents, Rev.Dr&Dr.Mrs Williams,my elder sister May and myself. We were a Christian family. My father a man of God and my mother a medical doctor. We were committed in the church as was expected of the Pastor's children. I was in the choir and May was in the dance group.

We were not the ideal family but a family nonetheless. Our parents hardly had time for us,they were busy being there for their sheeps and patients respectively and we their children were left in the care of strangers.But if it's any consolation, they made sure we didn't lack anything. They were hardly home so most times we were left alone with the staffs. We were only allowed to go out in the company of the driver and one of the helps who were under strict instructions never to let us out of their sight. So we always went straight from the house to school or church and back to the house again. Throughout high school and even up to college,that was our routine so we barely had any social lives. Between me and May, I was the lamb,she on the other hand was as stubborn as a goat. Always sneaking out to meet up with her friends and attend parties. I was the voice of reason but she never listened to me. She was always getting into trouble with mother and father and that somehow made it look like I was the favorite child because I was never scolded. But that wasn't the case. I just knew well to stay out of trouble.

That very night was the first time I ever snuck out of the house. Lucy was my best cousin and I really wanted to be there for her. I knew if I asked my parents they'd refuse not minding that I was a 200level Law student in Unilag. I went to the club in the company of my friends and Chris,who was my boyfriend. Yes I had a boyfriend. Let me tell you a little about our relationship

I met Chris in church. His parents were devout Christians, wealthy and contributed largely to the church projects. He lived most of his life in London and returned after bagging his degree in Engineering. Upon his return he attended church with his parents. He was a well to do eligible bachelor in church and all the young ladies in and outside church wanted to have him. He made a lot of them lose their manners and morals grovelling to make him look their way. He joined the choir and boy did he sing well. His voice was amazing. Our number increased with an alarming speed the moment Chris joined the choir. Everyone ,including my sister May,who I knew very well could not sing to save her life,all of a sudden wanted to sing,male and female,all because of Chris. No the males didn't have a crush on him,they joined to keep an eye on their suddenly erratic women.

Everyone was affected somehow except me or so I made them believe. I've always been the traditional type. I believe a lady shouldn't make her feelings for a man obvious if she had any. That way if he approaches you,you'll know the feeling is mutual,if not you would be able to walk away with your pride intact. So I kept my distance. I fell for Chris the moment I laid eyes on him,I fantasized about him but I never spoke to him. While everyone else was falling all over him,I acted like the ice queen meanwhile I already downloaded more pictures of him than I could admit from his social media unto my phone. Imagine my and everyone else's surprise when he asked me out on a date. I of course responded casually, saying I'll think about it,but in my head I was doing a victory dance. That was how we started dating. Our parents approved so it was a smooth sail. Not all that smooth though. My church preached abstinence and I believed we were in sync about that but that wasn't the case.

My first kiss was with Chris. I could still remember that kiss vividly. It was on one of our dates 2months into the relationship. He had been a perfect gentleman for the whole of 2months,never even gave me a hug talk more a kiss. I wanted to be able to hold him and kiss him,but the thing I said about pride so I held back. Hoping one day he would make a move. And he did

I was not allowed to stay out so he always brings me home after a date. That night he brought me home as usual,I was reaching to unbuckle my seat belt when his hands reached towards my face. I didn't know what he wanted to do so I paused. His palms caressed my cheek. For the first time I felt the touch of the man I loved and the whole world stood still. I didn't want the hand to move ever again. I closed my eyes to savor that feeling, then it happened. His lips fell on my lips,his tongue gently prying open my lips and I melted like wax over fire. My whole body heated up,I felt hot and chilly at the same time. I felt a hotness and tightness in between my thighs, I was visibly shivering and tears dropped from my eyes. I kissed him back. I didn't have any experience but I've read a lot of romance novels so I put into practice what I've learnt. I tasted his lips,his tongue,I allowed my hands wander to the nape of his neck. I couldn't do much given that we were inside his car . I felt his hands on my bare back and my chair been lowered and that was when I jolted away. I didn't realize my top had been unbuttoned cuz I didn't feel it. The kiss lasted for all of 2minutes but to me it was over even before it began. His erection was visible and he was panting audibly. He made to reach for me again,it was obvious what he wanted so I placed my palm on his chest to stop him. It took everything in me to say no to him. I told him I wasn't ready and that I didn't want my first time to be with a man I was not married to in a car parked outside my father's compound. He apologized, pulled himself together, gave me a goodnight kiss,I went inside while he drove home.

From that night our relationship took a major turn. I fell harder for him but I could feel his withdrawal. We didn't hang out as much as we used to,he didn't call that often anymore,when I called he couldn't be on the phone for long. He said he was busy and I believed him. I should have known something was terribly wrong,I should have seen our love was clearly one sided but I was so in love with Chris,I was consumed with showing him how much I loved him that I didn't notice he was not showing me any.

That was the state of our relationship that night we went for the party. Almost everyone was having alcohol except me and Mandy. The place was filled up as expected. Lucy was a free spirit so she had many friends and they turned up for her. I watched as everyone danced and had fun including Chris who didn't pay me any attention the moment we got there. May tried severally to get me to drink and dance but I somehow managed to decline without offending her. The whole place was noisy and I was regretting why I came in the first place. This was not my setting at all. I was more of a drinking with friends,having intelligent conversation, cool music playing in the background kind of person. After a while I went to the rest room, shortly after I got there Mandy joined me. She like me was not really having fun. We agreed to live after a while and went back to the party together. I finished off the rest of my juice. After a while I asked Mandy to get our bags so we could leave together as the rest of them were nowhere near ready to go and I was feeling drowsy. As she went to get the bags I drfited a little then I couldn't remember anything anymore.

I woke up the next morning in a room in the club,naked under the sheet,blood on the bed and inside my thighs. I didn't need a soothsayer to tell me what had happened. I broke down into tears. I screamed into the pillow. That was the beginning of the end for me.

That night has reoccurred in my sleep for the past 6years