Reviews of Reborn in Narutoverse with a Unique System
Reborn in Narutoverse with a Unique System
Mythical_Soul
- Overall Rate
- Writing Quality
- Updating Stability
- Story Development
- Character Design
- world background
This is a different naruto verse. So don't expect original Cannon storyline. Character is adopted by Kakashi. He is from a Otsuki and a old clan not involved with the ninja world. Mc as game system backing him up. So if you like rpg game elements this is your novel. Chapters are a bit short but he is updating regularly.
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First, let's start with the good points. 1- You did not add a store in the system, and this is good because I saw bad stories because of having a store system. 2- you was able to add a background to the mc family without really affecting the whole world. 3- The fact that mc follows a scientific path have possesses capabilities. The bad points: 1- Very short chapters, some less than 500 words and few content, some chapters talk about events that take place in a few minutes. 2- The characters and the dialogues are very shallow, without a soul, when reading them, I imagine that the people who speak have no personality. 3- MC does not seem to have goals or reasons for any of his actions, and he does everything he does just because he does not have anything to do. 4- Like mc, other characters don't seem to do anything but to help mc. Otherwise, you're doing great In this fix, better than a lots of naruto FICS I read before.
I am going to be brutally honest with you. The concept of your book is good. There are many system and reincarnation novels out there. I too am writing a reincarnation naruto fanfic. So, I can understand the allure. But what all those fics have that yours doesn't is sufficient word building, sufficient information about the premise and main character's state and motive. Look, let me say this clearly, I am no expert. But what my ignorant self found out after reading your fic are 1. The chapters are too short. If your chapter release rate is 2/3 chaps a day, then it is fine. But if it is not then, start making the chaps longer with more content. Do not just increase the word count. Try to make the chapters full of content. 2. The dialogues and interactions between characters seems like I am reading a script. it is like he said this and I said that. It is very confusing and irritating. I would suggest that you read and learn how to make dialogues properly. Now, I to have the same problem. So, I would advise that just think about how you would talk to a character and write that down. Put yourself in your character's shoes and think about what they would do or say in certain situations. 3. Give reasons as to why someone did something or why something happened. You are the god of your fic. Anything goes. But you have to explain that to the readers so they understand. 4. Don't think about power stones, ranking, reviews or comments for that matter. If you are writing for fun then don't pay attention to those. It is you fic. it is your world. yoy are the boss. You decide what happens and nobody has rights to dictate what you should do or not. Go nuts with it, man. 5. But if you are writing to earn some bucks then I would advise that you should try to build your own style and give more effort to it. And that's all. I would love if you edit the chapters and make the contents more interesting. Anyway good luck on your paths. May you achieve success. 😊
The story has been re uploaded because of my cousin who managed to delete all the chapters. There is also a particular reason why I didn't re upload it in my og book this is because of the fact that a lot of people dropped the novel after chapter ten but voted it before that. Due to the fact that they can't take back their votes I decided to use this opportunity to rewrite the novel and I request yall to only vote or review if u like it there is no compulsion.
Your story plot is very fast and doe not focus on development. Your mc has no clear motive and can do better to develop him. You spent barely any time describing what your mc doing and the first dungeon fight could be better and, was a wasted opportunity for more as your boss fight was below average and could be better. Orochimaru came out fucking nowhere and he and the mc suddenly became best buddies or it seems he did and that is mostly because you have a lack of good pacing for your plot and development your chapter is pretty short which is why your development and pacing seem so fast. He also changes some characters like their personality or where they are, a great example would be Orochimaru and Rock Lee. If you can take your time to develop your plot and characters and explain your mc action, then you have great potential, as they say, show don't tell. I like to thanks the author for replying to me for deleting my last review by accident, mad respect for doing so and I look forward to your growth as an author.
