Comments of chapter undefined of Lumia: Other World

I'm no expert, but for a beginner novel then this deserves a kudos. I like the way you diligently narrated the story and introduced the characters, I can see and like the fact that you somehow gave emphasis to your major characters, it gave light to what type of story are we reading. Although, like many other starting novels, there are some minor misha**. The chapter is too long, you may want to reduce your future chapters. Avoid putting 2 chapter progression (e.g. 1.2/1.3 chapter) in one chapter. Keep in mind that one chapter may be as long as 1k-1.5k max words. I also suggest to keep less for MORE. What do I mean? Keep the readers wanting for more in the next chapters, instead of spoon-feeding them with the details. And lastly, NEVER STOP WRITING. No matter how many negative reviews/feedbacks we get, through these we get to learn and grow into much better writers in the future. Keep the fire burning, writers that produce this kind of a masterpiece must go on. Padayon!

It's a good start, I like it the way you made it. The chapter was like a calm before the storm. But I somehow felt that it was a bit fast. Still it's good, better than any webnovels I've read in the past couple of days.

pros: a promising opening and the twist caught me, didn't expect it. cons: feels rush still keep on writing, great!

In need of an English proficient proofreader.

cool and a cool tip: farm chaps, we hungry people dig it

Also slow down seems rushed

"I'm a world class assassin" Love it ! 👍

the wish fulfillment aspect is to blatant, at least explain how he got reincarnated, why was he of all people reborn, he is a killer not a decent person

Everything was fine. You inserted an inciting incident that pushed the story to its current place. The actions and pacing are kinda okay. I think you should put more unique characteristics to your protagonist. I hope that you built a better setting, anchorized the scenes with fresh sceneries that sets the tone of the story. Well, that's all. Good First Chapter.

Okay the setting looks great

Wow... a super-long chapter. The story looks promising so far.

Oh no, I feel bad for him...

wow! !!

Great first chapter 👍👍

This is just DnD (Dungeons and Dragons) in real life

too many mistakes in ur grammar, we appreciate it if u can fix it

wait does the mc and the dad have the same name??

nice.

See this! I just gifted the story: Balloon