Zinni
Since you gave me your honest opinions, I suppose I'll return the favor to the best of my ability. First up, the dialogue. While I appreciate a lot of back and forth between the characters, it's detrimental when said dialogue can sometimes occupy a whole text block with no prose, descriptions, or breaks in between. No matter how good a conversation is, it'll falter without the spice that descriptors and good prose can provide. Perhaps you should invest a bit more in describing the scene. Like what're they doing while talking? What's their cadence? Their tone? Do they have a physical action like a handwaive while describing something? Something along these lines would spice up what's already there. Next, grammar. It could use a bit of work. Unnecessary spaces and lack of spaces on some places can clutter up the dialogue and prose, as well as a lack of proper capitalization on proper nouns. It'll make your stuff clearer to visualize when you use proper punctuations like apostrophes in some places. That's it I guess. Don't let this deter you from writing, use it as improvement and move on to greater heights (^^)
The story is interesting. A good plot here. I read 5 chapters out of the 9 published so far. The Story is developing well. The character design is good and so is the world background. As far as writing goes, your novel is going well. There are some mistakes like not using the capital letter while starting a sentence or the name of people and places. However, these mistakes do not interfere with the reading of the story. I would suggest running your text through an online grammar and plagiarism checker. It is not 100% perfect but it points out a lot of mistakes and ensures you do not use the same words others use. Please do the same with the Synopsis. All the best, author!
I thoroughly enjoyed reading this... The plot is quite interesting and the author inserted a lot of funny dialogues but I do advice you to correct your capitalizations like the beginning of dialogue or "i's ". I would suggest you use Grammarly, other than that I enjoyed the story. Waiting for more chapters and definitely adding to my library. Good luck!!
I would say that this story seems to have a pretty interesting plot although I wasn't able to immerse myself into it. The author should try and make the story a bit clearer so it would be easier to follow. Honestly all that I would critique has already been said by previous commentators. The most pressing point for me is the dialogue. I can tell that the author puts a lot of emphasis on them, which is a positive point; however, too much dialogue is not good. The overflow of dialogue messes up the natural flow of the story and makes the story difficult to follow. In addition, I can't picture the scenes where characters talk back and forth in my head without any descriptions of their body language or changes in their surroundings. I would suggest the author to observe the way actual people speak to each other in real life to improve. Continue writing and good luck author! :)
The story itself is new, and so far from the chapters I've read, I could review the story's progress. Grammar could actually use some editing (punctuations, spaces, use of the comma, etc. needs to be fixed). But overall it's a very promising read. **. I really like the title, but I suggest correct the capitalizations. "The Great Wizard and the Archmage" is the correct one. Best of luck in your writing.
I've been taught that most good stories have about 80% dialogue, 20% information. Most authors write too little dialogue, around 20:80, but as of my reading this, I feel as if this story has too much dialogue and too little information. Maybe 95:5. I'd try to aim around the 80:20 mark. The dialogue also feels a little awkward and stilted. I'd recommend trying to base them off people you know in real life, or people you've studied through interviews and other similar media. I've heard having someone to base characters off of helps with that feeling. I'm pretty god damn bad at writing though so my opinions probably pretty bad. I'd honestly take this with a grain of salt. Great job so far.