The Devil in Me Ch. 23

Chapter Twenty-Three

Shay:

I don't even remember how I made it home.

The day felt like such a blur, and I felt a little empty.

Was it normal to miss another person this much?

I barely saw him a few hours ago, and it was like it still wasn't long enough.

Part of me wanted to tell Jody, but I was worried about what she might say.

I was thinking about the special program again, and I was seriously considering it.

Would Noah be alright with that?

My gaze dropped to my feet, and I felt terrible.

I missed the warmth of his hands.

I missed just being able to breathe him in.

I moved the sleeves of his shirt up to my face.

His scent was still on the fabric, and I was thankful for that.

When I tried to describe what he smelled like, I came up blank.

It wasn't too musky.

There was a hint of something sweet, and something only Noah.

My body could still remember the weight of him on top of me, and my mind couldn't settle.

My hand came up to gently touch the pendant I wore for the program.

I could feel the engraving on each end when my finger passed over the metal.

A light knock pulled my attention out of my own head.

"Yeah?" I said after clearing my throat.

Andre opened the door and looked at me with a worried expression.

"Are you okay?" he asked.

I nodded, even though I wasn't even sure how I felt.

"You sure?" he asked,

I wanted to nod again, but I couldn't.

I looked down at my feet.

"Shay," he said, "You can talk to me, you know."

"I know," I said.

"So, talk to me," he said in a slightly pleading tone, "You don't always have to be okay."

"I know," I said again.

I just didn't know what to say.

The only thing wrong was what I couldn't even talk to my own brother about.

The distance, the lack of time I could actually spend with Noah.

I suppose I could just tell him a little bit.

"So," I began slowly, "There is this boy that I like."

His face lit up.

"Go on," he said, "Don't leave me in suspense."

It felt wrong not to tell him everything that I knew, but I did this to myself.

He made a face before I could go on, "Did he do something to you?"

I was quick to shake my head, "No, no."

He let out a relieved sigh, "Then what is it?"

I smiled slightly as I thought of Noah.

"He is a really good guy," I said, "He is warm."

His eyebrow arched at that last part, "Warm?"

My mind couldn't help but go back to one of the last things he said to me.

He said home.

"What was it that mom used to say about home?" I asked.

He smiled, and I could see the memory getting to him.

"Well, mostly it was about being home is where the heart is," he said, "But that changed sometimes."

I nodded.

He knew this part better than I did.

"Mom always called dad her home," he said, "No matter what happened or where they ended up in life, as long as he was with her, she was home."

My heart ached at the thought.

He couldn't possibly have meant it that way,

It was too soon for that.

"Are you trying to say that you found your home?" he asked.

I wanted to deny it, but I felt it.

Deep down, I knew that Noah was my home.

I shook my head before I smiled at him, "I don't know him that well yet."

I felt terrible lying to Andre.

One day I might be able to bring him home.

It hurt just thinking about it.

Noah:

It's been two days since I last saw Shay.

A painful ache settled in my bones at the loss of her.

I was on my way out when I saw Eileen standing not too far from my door.

"Noah," she grinned, "I was just on my way to talk to you."

I felt a little uneasy as she continued to smile at me.

"How are you doing?" she asked.

We barely made it down the hall before she asked.

"I'm alright," I said, "How have you been?"

"I know Shay came to your room the other day," she said, "I don't want to beat around the bush here. What happened?

"I couldn't sleep," I stated.

She frowned, "What do you mean?"

"Since our first meeting," I said, "I couldn't sleep."

She looked horrified, "You're telling me that you didn't sleep for over a week?"

My gaze dropped to the floor as we walked.

"Noah," she sighed, "That is why we have access to sedatives."

"You think I didn't try that first?" I asked her, "It didn't work."

I didn't mean to snap at her, and I could see the surprise on her face.

"Well, did you manage to get any sleep with her here?"

I nodded, "Not much, though."

She smiled wickedly at me.

"Eileen," I said, "I think that something is wrong with me."

Her smile faded instantly, "What do you mean?"

My eyes stung before I could even say it.

"When did you know how you felt about Brian?"

She made a face, "Well, we grew up together."

"But, did you like him before you felt the pull?" I asked.

She shook her head, "We didn't really talk at all."

I nodded slowly.

"Brian is human, so we didn't even get a chance to spend much time together."

I knew that already.

"I was lucky not to have to participate in the program," she said, "I can remember the exact moment I felt it."

She never told me this before.

"When did you feel it?"

"I was trying to sneak out with Breena," she admitted.

"No," I said playfully, "The good girls sneaking out?"

She shoved me, "I'm serious."

"Okay," I said, "Tell me what happened."

"I was trying to be quiet, walking as close to the cafeteria wall as possible."

I nodded.

"Then this weird feeling hit me," she said, "It was like I couldn't breathe."

We stopped walking, and I just stared at my sister.

"I don't remember much else," she admitted, "But Breena said that I had a seizure."

I frowned, "Why am I only hearing about this now?"

She held her hand up for me to stop.

"Brian was on night duty," she said, and a small smile formed on her face, "I stopped shaking the second he touched me."

His father is in charge of the facility. It made sense that he would have some medical training.

"It felt like bricks were being dropped on my chest whenever he was near me," she said, "I couldn't breathe."

"You always seemed like you were fine," I stated.

"It took some time," she said, "Like all things do."

I nodded slowly.

"I knew that I loved him a couple of months after that first night," she admitted, "It was weird. It was like he felt his own kind of pull towards me."

My eyes locked with hers.

"Do you know if Shay feels it too?" she asked.

"I'm not sure," I admitted, "I haven't asked, but it feels like she might."

"There was this electricity in the air when she first saw you," Eileen stated, "I wasn't sure if it was just me or not."

I wanted to tell her how I felt. I wanted to tell her that I called her my home already.

I was afraid that she might laugh at me.

It is Eileen. I know she won't laugh.

She might tease me, though.

"Eileen," I hesitated.

"What is it?" she asked.

I opened my mouth, but I wasn't sure if I could say it.

"Noah," she said earnestly, "You can tell me."

I nodded, but it wasn't that easy.

I had to swallow the saliva that gathered in my mouth while I tried to fight my nerves.

"Do you," I paused, "Do you remember what mom used to say?"

She made a face, "Say about what?"

I bit my lip, almost painfully.

"Noah," she sounded even more concerned if that was possible, "I didn't get a chance to know much about our mother, but I remember some of the things that she used to tell us."

"Do you remember the one about home?" I asked.

Her expression changed, and she smiled.

I could see the joy on her face, and she tried to hide it.

"It was always my favorite," she admitted, "Mom talked as if home wasn't a place at all."

I nodded, "Do you remember why?"

"Well," she said, "I was told that mom never found her mate, but she always dreamed about them."

I waited while she thought out loud.

"She would always compare them to coming home for the first time," she smiled wider, "Like the person you loved was your true home, not an actual house."

I just stood there.

She played with the ends of her hair, nervously, "Mom dreamed of coming home."

I couldn't look at her when she made that face.

She looked a little hurt, but I knew it was only because of a memory.

We were both the product of the breeder program.

We shared the same mother, but we had different fathers.

"Why do you ask?" Eileen finally asked.

I wasn't sure how to just say it without sounding ridiculous.

"When I was with Shay, it just slipped out of my mouth," I admitted.

"What just slipped out of your mouth?" she asked, "Don't tell me you dropped the love bomb already."

I shook my head.

Her brows furrowed, "Then, what did you say?"

"I called her my home."

My gaze dropped to the floor.

I was too embarrassed to look at Eileen.

I'm not sure if I could handle the giggling.

"Noah," she said.

I glanced up just slightly before she hugged me.

This was not a reaction I expected from her.

She squeezed me tightly.

"Mom would absolutely love Shay," she said.

I couldn't handle that.

My eyes stung again, and I didn't want to cry.

I forced her back, and I shook my head.

"Don't try to act all manly," she warned, "You said it, and that means that you know."

Of course I know.

Just being away from her hurt me.

I wish the pain was only mental.

"Is Brian your home?" I asked.

She grinned at me, "Of course he is."

I wanted to ask more, but it felt too personal.

"It took a while before I knew for sure," she admitted, "But when I knew it, it was like every cell in my body sang."

"Yeah?" I asked.

She nodded seriously, "I know that you haven't been with many people, but I know that you know when you've found something special."

"Eileen," I said.

"I get it," she threw her hands up, "But I like Shay, and I'm glad that it's her."

I nodded, "I'm glad too."

I am, and it was strange to feel that way.

A long silence hung over us before she spoke again.

"Are you alright?" she asked.

I shook my head.

"You miss her?"

I nodded.

"Have you been able to sleep?" she asked.

I shook my head.

"How long has it been?" she asked, "Two days?"

I nodded again.

"Maybe you should try a sedative," she suggested.

I didn't want to talk to Dr. Gardiner.

"Or," she said innocently, "You could try calling her."

I looked at Eileen like she was crazy.

"I didn't get the chance to give it to you the other day," she said, holding out a piece of paper, "When you got back from work, you were really sick."

My gaze lingered on the paper still in her hands, "Is that really what I think it is?"

She grinned, "Don't say that I don't love you, big brother."

I slowly reached for the paper to see if she would pull it away to mess with me, but she didn't.

I took the paper into my hands and unfolded it.

In perfect handwriting were ten digits and a small purple heart.

Shay:

My legs were killing me.

"Don't stop now," Jody said, "We're almost there."

I hated her random fitness days.

When she got drunk and made plans, she followed through.

"Jody," I gasped, "My ass hurts."

I felt the muscles in my thighs hurting, and the pain went up to my ass.

"Save that kind of talk for your boy," she said.

I stopped dead in my tracks.

She noticed that I stopped and retreated her steps to stand in front of me.

"I'm sorry," she said, "I can't control my mouth sometimes."

I nodded.

It wasn't like anything happened. I just didn't want to think about how much I missed him.

Hell, I was out here quite literally running my ass off to not think about him.

"Any updates about your boy?" I asked her.

She shook her head.

I think we might have fucked up.

That stunt from the other day, and then not signing the papers.

Shit.

"Have you thought more about it?" I asked, "About the special program?"

She made a face, "Of course I have thought about it."

I nodded slowly.

"I think about that boy being chained to a wall, and all the dirty things I would do to him."

"That is so not what I meant," I had to cover my face.

I was embarrassed for her for what just came out of her mouth.

"You haven't thought about it?" Jody asked me seriously.

"Not like that," I stated, "I've been thinking about signing it."

"Are you sure?" she asked, "That is some serious shit."

I knew that, but it didn't change how I felt.

"So, tell me again," Jody said, "What happened when he saw your nipples for the first time?"

I groaned.

She laughed harder than I'd consider appropriate.

"Come on," she said, "I get it. You want him to see them more."

"It's not always about the nipples, Jody," I laughed.

"It's not?" she asked, feigning confusion, "I thought we were all humanoid nipples."

This bitch.

I couldn't help it. I laughed harder.

"Stop," I laughed so hard that my eyes were watering.

"If we were nipples," she asked, "Where would we pierce ourselves?"

I grabbed her sides, about an inch under her armpits, and I poked her hard.

"Right there," I said, pushing harder with my fingers.

She squealed before her body hit the floor.

We both were rolling on the floor, laughing.

Well, I wish it was just the floor.

It was her idea to run this trail, so technically, we were rolling around in the dirt.

The laughter stopped when Jody's phone went off.

The ring wasn't one of her usual pop songs.

"Who is it?" I asked.

She sat up quickly and pressed the accept button before bringing the phone to her ear.

"Hello."

She glanced over at me.

"She is right here with me," Jody stated.

I felt my body shaking.

Who was it? What did they want?

Why were they asking about me?

"Okay," she said, "You need us there now?"

I looked down at my dirt-covered workout pants.

"Okay," she said, "We can be there in twenty-five minutes."

She hung up, and her face couldn't hide her worry.

"What is it?" I asked.

"It was Baird," she said.

"Baird?" I asked, "What did he want?"

"He said that he tried to call you, but it wasn't getting through," she said.

I pulled my phone out of my pocket, and I pressed the power button.

It didn't turn on.

Damn it.

"Did he say what he wanted?" I asked.

She stood up, "We need to go."

I frowned, "Go where? Why?"

"Shay," she said, "We need to go, now."

There was no trace of humor in her voice, and that only freaked me out more.

"Not until you talk to me," I said, "What the hell happened?"

"Shay, please," she said, "Don't fight me on this. Just get up, and let's go."

"Jody," I said, "If it's something serious, you need to tell me."

She opened her mouth to say something but shut it.

"Fuck," she said, "Baird said that Noah had a seizure, and he didn't want me to worry you by telling you."

I didn't even feel myself stand up, but I did.

"Shay?" Jody asked.

I turned around, and I ran to the car faster than I had ever run in my entire life.

The pain I felt earlier didn't exist.

Right now, the only thing that mattered was getting to Noah.