Debasish_padhi
Problem is... It's just too fast before I can digest what's happening, theres already a different scenario and this feel bland imo.
Author liked the comment.
Ah. Inspired from Desolate Era? Interesting đ
Thanks for the chapter. Not gonna lie when I first read the first page I thought it was you telling us how you got started on writing this story
You should shorten the paragraph theyre too big
When Lord Yama is speaking you missed most of the quotation marks. Separate the voices by paragraph, so we can keep track of who is talking easier.
âŻď¸đđź
You should really work on your English tenses. You keep flipping between first and third person, which makes the story very hard to follow. You sometimes even flip between first and third person in a single sentence.
See this! I just gifted the story: Balloon
Spell and grammar check is your friend other than that this story has potential I will bare with it for now keep it up!
đđ
Seems interesting so far
A good introductipn
Nice one
IT is a good introduction, although i did get a little bit of familiar vibes.
Some charecteristics from desolate era.
the first chapter name is supposed to be spelled PROLOGUE not PROLOUGE weird that nobody noticed this before
Certain fragments are written in a third-person narration. That needs changing!