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Flawed Enchantress

Author: BaeVida
Ongoing Β· 159.6K Views
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  • Character Design
  • world background
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CailinMatthews
CailinMatthewsLv12

To start of, I want to point out how intriguing the synopsis and the storyline are. It's easy to be hooked. They're interesting as well. I'm very curious about the curious. I wonder if it could only be cured by passing it to another. Because even in reincarnation, it followed the Enchantress. Compelling premise. The flow of the story's events are decent. The conversations are entertaining. The development of events isn't fast or slow, enough just to spike more anticipation for the next one. Lastly, I have a few constructive criticisms. Mainly one--which is the lack of certain details in this story. For instance, Chapter 1: > I'd like to say that 'beautiful lady' is subjective. Might be better if there's added features about this woman. Her hair is written but what makes her beautiful? Just her hair? What about her eyes? Does she has a small button nose? Plump or thin lips? I say this because describing her adds more allure. It adds to her beauty other than just saying 'stunning' and 'extremely beautiful.' > I understand the young girl has a scar but I can't imagine how it looks. Is it just one long gash from right temple to left cheek? Half of her face? Add a little more detail. > This also applies to the other characters described as 'ugly' 'disgusting' etc... or just an ordinary character. This is something I used to forget myself as a writer so I often point it out now. I hope I was able to explain why it's important in contributing for good writing. For the rest, Since this is a Fantasy story, try to work on world building. I can't picture the kind of culture this setting has. Key features are buildings, physical attributes, clothes... a writer can see these clearly in their head but remember that readers can't see them. They don't have to be all stated but pick the ones that should stand out. I really see this story has potential so I hope it can reach to even greater heights. Good luck and ganbatte!

Gabriella_x
Gabriella_xLv13