Intermission: Small Steps

Silence, dead silence, that is the only reply I got from Taleena. I don't know what I was expecting, she wasn't alive anymore, but I was desperate. I had messed up with Fiona and now I didn't know what to do. All of this is just...

"All of this...is just too out of my wheel house...fuck."

I had been swept away in the moment and promised to take care of Fiona, but I had zero experience taking care of someone as young as her. She was only...𝘸𝘢𝘪𝘵 𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘪𝘴 𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘢𝘨𝘦? 𝘋𝘪𝘥 𝘐 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘢𝘴𝘬? 𝘚𝘩𝘪𝘵...𝘐 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺 𝘢𝘮 𝘣𝘢𝘥 𝘢𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴.

We had been together for a while now, but I didn't even know how old she was. She looked like she was in her early teens, but I couldn't know for sure. This world had long lived races after all, and she wasn't fully human. Having another realization of my incompetence, I felt another huge rush of hopelessness hit me. I looked at Taleena again. Those inky black eyes stared back at me, unblinking and empty. I knew I wouldn't get a reply, but she was the only one I could talk to right now.

"I really should have died in your place at the ruins...right? This...none of this would be a problem if you were alive with her. She hates me, she wants you, and I think...if I could do it all over again...I make sure you stayed behind me. I'm sorry, I'm sorry...for everything."

I clutched my hands in my head, I felt myself breaking down again, and tears started welling up in my eyes. All I could think of was apologizing over and over again as visions of my failures went through my head.

"I'm sorry."

I saw the visions of Taleena battered on the floor where I found her. I should have come sooner.

"I'm sorry."

I saw Taleena dying in my arms after I finally arrived at the top ruins. I shouldn't have lost myself. I shouldn't let her go ahead.

"I'm sorry."

I saw the woman I was supposed to save, impaled and tortured. I should have found you sooner.

"I'm sorry."

I saw myself swinging my scythe at the same woman, decapitating her. I should have found a way to save you. I should have brought a healer with me if I wasn't such a fucken loner.

"I'm sorry."

I saw the lifeless body of my father when I found him dead in our house, blood oozing from his wrists. I should have seen the signs, I should have known to help you.

All the failures from this world and from my previous life ran through my mind as I repeated the words like a broken record.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry....."

Eventually my vision started to dim. I had probably drunk too much, I was on the verge of passing out. Until the very end I kept apologizing to the silent room. Finally I spoke my last words before passing out. As broken images of killings intruded on my thoughts.

"I'm sorry...for being a monster."

**********

I looked down at the person passed out on the couch. He reeked of alcohol and his face was contorted in pain as he slept. I don't think he noticed I hadn't gone far after storming out. After going only a little bit out, I felt scared for the first time since the ruins. I had not realized it, but I had only felt safe when he was around. Maybe that was why I was so mad when I thought he came back late because he was having fun drinking? I'm not sure.

Most of the time I didn't know what to say to him, only replying with the bare minimum, and sometimes ignoring him outright. I didn't know how to interact with him...this stranger. I had only met him when he came with mother to rescue me, but she had entrusted me to him. Did she trust him that much? He didn't seem like a good person to me, and definitely not a person she should have trusted this much.

I saw him at the ruins, I remember his face that was lit up in happiness as he massacred all the people around him. Even as mother screamed for his help, he continued to ignore her and murder people. This man...I believed he was a deranged and remorseless monster from the beginning. He never showed any hesitation or guilt. I was sure he was just the only person around my mother could ask, and at the end of the day I wanted to run from him as soon as I was able to. Who would want to be around a monster like that for longer than needed?

However, I just saw another side of him I didn't think existed, probably a side effect of all the alcohol I could smell coming off him. I had returned and before I opened the door I heard him talking to himself, or that is what I thought at first. I peeked through the window and saw that he was looking directly at my mother as he spoke.

At first I had thought he had gone mad, mother wouldn't reply, even I knew that. I only gave her commands, but I tried to make it in a way that didn't sound so...commanding. Him though...he was actually speaking to her, as if she was alive, he seemed to be asking for forgiveness. This man who I thought was just an emotionless killer...was just trying to hold it together.

"Mmmm...be grateful."

I re situated him on the couch so he was lying on his side. I learned from my mother that people could choke on their own vomit if they were too drunk. I then grabbed a blanket nearby and draped it over him.

**********

"Here, mother and I have breakfast ready, come and eat."

"Coming."

"Is it good?"

"It is very good...as always."

"That's good."

It had been a few days since my spat with Fiona, but for some reason after that night she had warmed up to me...I think. She still didn't say much, but she didn't avoid me as much anymore. Everyday she seemed to be willing to talk a little more.

The day after our fight I had expected the worst, but she surprisingly was the first to apologize. This left me surprised and confused. I had quickly followed up with my own apology and everything seemed to go quiet for a while. Then she said some words, through blushing cheeks, that I never thought she would say.

"Th-thank you...for...for...for...everything.........Deminas."

"Eh? Uh...uh....you're welcome........Fiona."

We awkwardly smiled at each other as we sat there in silence. I didn't know what to say, but then suddenly a thought popped into my head.

"By the way...uh...how old are you?"

"I'm 18."

"Eh?"

That number didn't make sense to me. Maybe this world's calendar was different? I'm not sure, but I involuntarily leaked out my thoughts.

"18? But your body looks like a young girl-"

Before I could finish I heard a loud scream that made the silence and good vibes before seem like a lie.

"YOU...YOU...YOU ARE THE WORST!"

And with that she stormed out the door again.

"I-I-I...really am bad at this."