1

They were gone. Ryan was due back soon, he'd texted me to say he was only an hour out. I knew how he felt about me, we'd been emailing and texting and talking endlessly between Halloween and now. He knew how I felt about him, and now we had a long weekend to be together, to talk in person. To do those things together again that we'd done on Halloween. With Mom and Dad out, we might not have to wait until tonight either. I'd never believed just a thought could make you so hot and excited. Now I did.

I was breathing hard as I walked into my bedroom, slipped my bra off from under my tanktop. After a moment's thought, I stepped out of my panties as well. The skirt I was wearing was a short one, not quite micro-mini, but short enough that Dad had growled "you're not wearing that out on any dates" at me. Mom, she'd laughed. I hadn't worn it out on any dates though. I'd bought it to wear for Ryan to see me in at home. Now, wearing it without any panties, thinking about Ryan, I was so hot and wet.

I'd better get the turkey out and do the dishes though.

Ryan texted me half way through the dishes. Ten minutes away. My knees almost buckled. Yes. Oh yes!

I heard the front door. I stayed where I was, hearing footsteps. I felt two hands wrap around my waist as I rinsed off the dishes. Hot breathe against the top of my head. "Where's everyone?" His voice a hot whisper in my ear.

"Mom and Dad are out shopping." My own voice was a whisper of excitement. Something big and hard pressed lightly against my butt, then pressed rather more firmly. I almost dropped the dishes I was holding before I could put them down and grip the bench. Shivers ran through my body, little ripples that tightened me inside, bought a hot flush to my skin, nipples suddenly hard and aching.

Those hands ran up under my tanktop to cup my breasts, thumbs running across my skin, brushing my nipples gently. "You're not wearing a bra."

"Duh! I don't exactly need one." But my voice was a whisper, my eyes half closed.

His lips brushed my neck, his tongue licked at my skin. His hands ran down to my hips. "I couldn't stop thinking about you the whole drive home, Ashlee."

"I haven't been able to stop thinking of you since Halloween," I breathed, eyes half closed, enjoying his hands on my breasts again, running over me, tugging at my nipples.

"Ashlee."

"Yes."

"I want you."

"I'm not wearing any panties either." He was so hard, pressed up against my butt. I pushed my butt back at him.

"Oh Christ Ashlee, I can't wait." His hands were turning me, walking across the kitchen, pushing me up against the breakfast table. "Bend over." His hand on the back of my neck guided me to where he wanted me.

I bent forward, resting on my forearms on the table. His hands pushed my skirt up around my waist. I heard his zipper, heard his jeans brush down his legs as his feet urged mine sideways, spreading my feet wide apart.

"Can we do it like this?" He was asking me. I had no idea. It wasn't like I had much experience. "I mean, are you okay if I do it to you this way Ashlee, I don't want to wait."

I took a deep breath. Sighed. "You can do it to me however you want, Ryan." It was all new to me. I knew Ryan had done this with other girls. High School gossip. He knew what he was doing. I didn't. "Teach me."

Then "Ohhhh" as I felt him push against me.

"Oh!" My hands clutched the table as the head of his cock pushed through my entrance, paused inside me. Oh Jesus, he was so big. Stretching me. Bent over the table in front of him, I felt incredibly exposed.

"You're so wet." He sounded surprised. Happy. He was right too. I was. I'd been thinking about him all day. I'd been wet all day, barely able to concentrate. Now? Now I couldn't think at all.

"Ohhhhh." I pushed myself back against him, hands clutching the table, wide-eyed as I felt him sliding up inside me. Oh god, I'd been wanting this so much. I'd been wanting this since Halloween and now I had it and it felt so exquisitely good.

"Oh fuck, Ashlee." His hands gripped my hips, fingers digging into me and now he was moving, easing himself in and out, moving a little deeper with every gentle thrust. "Tell me you want me, Ashlee, tell me you love me."

"I do Ryan, I do ... I love you ... I love you .... I want you....ooohhhhhhh." My forehead sank forward to rest on my clenched fists. "Do it fast, Ryan, Mom and Dad, they'll be back soon."

"Uuuughhhhh."

He did it. He thrust himself into me, a slow thrust that went on and on and on, stretching me the way I remembered his cock stretching me but without the pain, without the soreness of that first night together. This was exquisite torment, excruciating pleasure, total surrender. Giving myself to Ryan, offering myself to him, bent over the kitchen table for him to take and he took. He took what I'd offered him and possessed me. His cock sliding in until he was pressed up against the backs of my thighs, against my butt.

"Oh god, Ashlee."

"Nnnuggggggggg."

"Are you okay?"

"Yes ... yes.....I'm fine." My voice was thin and high, even to myself. I wasn't sure that I was okay. I wasn;t sure of anything at all except that Ryan's cock was inside me and I wanted him to fuck me. I was sure that he was inside me alright. I could feel him. All the way inside me. I could feel him pressing up hard against me where we joined, his cock so deep inside me. So long and hard and thick.

"Fuck me." Almost instinctively, I tried to lift my butt higher, shuffle my feet further apart to make more room for him to take me. To accommodate him. Clinging to the kitchen table because my legs were jelly and he felt so big in me. Had he been this big that first time? He must have been, but still, kit felt so amazingly big and hard inside me. He fitted me so perfectly and then he was moving, slowly, thoroughly. Long deep strokes, his hands on my hips holding me, controlling me as he moved. Filling me again and again until I wanted to bang my head on the table and scream and I could hear my own heavy breathing.

Ryan let go of my hips for a moment, pushed my skirt up round my waist and I knew he was looking at my butt. His hands pushed my tank top up, found my boobs, cupped my boobs as he fucked me and now he was. Fucking me. Driving his cock into me again and again and all I could do was stay as I was, bent forward over the table as his cock pumped into my pussy, as his hands cupped and squeezed my boobs, tugged at my nipples, driving me wild with the added sensations.

"Ryan," I gasped, "I love you ..... finish in me ... I want you to finish in me." I didn't care whether I climaxed or not, I wanted to feel him, satisfy him, feel him cumming inside me and know that I'd given him what he wanted. I could wait until tonight. My orgasm took my be surprise. One minute I was begging him to cum and the next one of his hands was under my belly, cupping me where he was entering me, finding my clitoris, brushing me there and it was enough to send me over the edge in an orgasm that exploded through me like an earthquake, jolting my entire body, radiating outwards from its epicenter at the crux of my thighs.

"Ooooohhhhhh .....oohhhh Ryan .... Ryan....." I was crying out, I could hear my voice, loud in the silence of the kitchen as those rolling waves of pleasure echoed through me from head to toe while everything spun around me and his cock drove into me and drove into me as my pussy danced and spasmed and squeezed him.

"Ashlee ... oh fuck Ashlee I love you .... I love you..." and he was cumming inside me so hard, great jets of cum erupting inside me, flooding me, filling me and I felt so completely and utterly possessed and loved as I collapsed forwards helplessly, feeling his cock slide out of me, feeling a last spurt of cum across my butt as Ryan groaned one last time.

It was a good minute before I had enough strength to push myself to my feet.

"You better go take a shower before Mom and Dad come home," he said, kissing my neck as I stood there on very shaky legs, his cum trickling out of me, sliding wetly down my thighs. "I'll finish the dishes." He sounded satisfied.

Okay, he wasn't the only one. I turned, slowly, slid my arms around his neck. Smiled up at him. "You enjoyed doing that to me in the kitchen didn't you?"

He smiled. "Yeah."

"We've got two nights before you have to go back to College."

"Yeah. I don't want to go though."

"I know you don't, but you know what you're going to be doing tonight and tomorrow night, Ryan?" I smiled.

"What?" He was teasing me. I knew that look. I'd seen it for years.

"You're going to come into my bedroom after Mom and Dad've gone to bed," I whispered, "and then..." I pressed myself against him, feeling so hot, so wild and wanton. Feeling his cum sticky on my thighs.

"And then..." he breathed, one hand under the front of my tank top, cupping one eager breast.

"And then," I rubbed my nose against his, "and then Ryan, you're going to fuck your little sis all night. Hard. Any way you want to."

"Any way I want?"

I smiled, kissed him. "Ryan, you're the one with all the experience, you can teach me." I smiled. "I want you to teach me, Ryan. I'm yours, okay. I love you." I was breathing harder, one hand holding his cock, sticky and wet from our lovemaking, feeling him swelling and hardening in my hand. "You can do anything you want to me Ryan, okay. Just like you used to with your old girlfriends."

"Ashlee, I love you but you're my little sis as well."

"Ryan, I'm your adopted little sis, you're fucking me, you're not fucking anyone elseooohhhhhh." His hand was under my skirt, where I was so wet and sticky, where his cum continued to ooze from me. One of his fingers eased up inside me. "Oh Jesus, Ryan ..... Ryan." I clung to him, my hand stroking him, feeling him solid, almost rigidly hard again. "I'm yours Ryan, I love you, I'm yours, do whatever you want to me, I love you I love you...whatever you used to do to your girlfriends you can do to me Ryan....promise me. I'm your, Ryan, totally yours."

"Your mine, Ashlee, I love you, I love you so much."

"Your mine, Ryan."

"I'm yours." We looked at each other, held each other, my arms around his neck now. "We'll make this work, Ashlee, we will. We just need to be careful."

"We will be, Ryan." I smiled. "Every night you're home."

"I can't wait until tonight. I want you again right now."

He did. He was getting hard again. I giggled. "Greedy, we can't take too many chances. Wait until tonight and you can fuck me all night, as many times as you want. Any way you want." I giggled. "You dated a couple of my friends Ryan, I know what you did with them, okay."

He kissed me. "They told you."

I smiled. "Girls talk." And how, my friends were such gossips. "You've got a dirty dirty mind Ryan and I want you to do everything you did to them to me, okay."

"What did they tell you?" He grinned.

I told him.

He smiled. "What would you like me to do to you."

I thought about that. Smiled. "You decide what you want to do to me."

He did, and then he did it to me and I loved it.

* * *

Not just nights. The next morning.

"Ashlee, can you do some shopping for me?"

"Sure Mom."

"I'll run Ashlee down to the Mall, Mom."

"Thanks Ryan." Mom was busy in the kitchen, Dad was over at a friend's helping do something on their house.

Sitting beside Ryan in the front seat of his car. "This isn't the way to the Mall."

His grin as he looked at me. "No, it's not."

"Where are we going?"

He grinned at me again as we turned down Walkers Sideroad. I laughed. I'd been down here with Lee. "Ryan, you're insatiable. How many times did we do it last night? And you want to do it again already?"

He grinned. Took my hand. Placed it on his lap. I raised an eyebrow.Yes, he wanted to do it again. I smiled and scooted my panties off, waved them in front of him. Giggled as he swerved. Ten minutes later, on the back seat. My t-shirt pushed up to my armpits, bra undone, skirt up around my waist, panties on the dashboard. Kissing, his fingers teasing me.

"Do it to me now, Ryan, please. Don't make me wait." Begging him. Wanting him so much.

Fucking me in the back seat of his car, enjoying what he did to me but deciding that while this was fun, bed was better.

* * *

The next day, the last day before Ryan went back to College. Coming home from Erika's. Ryan already back. Finding a note on the fridge from Mom saying she was popping out to a friend's. Reading the note. Seeing the smile on Ryan's face. Smiling myself as he walked me towards the breakfast room table again. This time knowing what was about to happen. Knowing and wanting as Ryan pulled my panties down to my knees, as I kicked my panties off. As he unhooked my bra and helped me work it out from under my t-shirt.

"Your breasts are so beautiful Ashlee," he breathed into my hair as his hands pushed my t-shirt up to my arm-pits, exposing me to his eyes. His fingers slipped down my body, trailing a line down both sides to my waist. I shuddered, rocking with him as his hands moved upwards slowly, up over my ribs to gently cup me, his hands on my naked boobs, stroking them, touching my nipples, teasing them. I looked down, seeing his fingers on me, enjoying me, watching and feeling my nipples swelling and hardening, reaching a rubbery firmness, full and aching deliciously.

I moaned quietly as he rolled my nipples between his thumb and his forefinger. Without experiencing the pleasure that rippled through me, I would never have believed how good it felt, how much I wanted him do that again. He did and I whimpered, then whimpered again as he tugged and twisted them. It went on and on, my nipples swollen hard, standing straight out, impossibly sensitive under his fingers, my hands moving to rest over his, wanting to feel his hands moving on me as well as watch them. Removing his hands from under mine, lifting me skirt, he unzipped himself, pushed his jeans down and I could feel the heated rigidity of his cock against my butt, feel him rubbing against me as one or the other of us moved.

"Ashlee." His voice was husky in my ear, one hand pressed flat against my stomach, holding me against him while his other hand played with one of my breasts. Immediately after he breathed my name, he turned me and lifted me up to sit on the edge of the breakfast table, standing so close to me, my legs spread to either side of him. My t-shirt up around my armpits, my breasts exposed to him, naked under my skirt, I waited as he shrugged his shirt off and took me in his arms, burying his face in my hair.

Almost without a pause he eased me backwards to lie me flat on me back on the table, my head near one end, my legs hanging off the other, my knees at each corner, spread wide for him, my feet dangling, acutely aware of how liquidly wet and ready for him my pussy was. My hands slid down to my skirt, pulled the hem up to my waist, exposing myself to his eyes, exposing my wetly ready pussy to his eyes. Ryan took a long, deep shuddering breath and then his cockhead pushed against my pussy, his hand guiding his cock directly to my entrance.

As he entered me, as he pushed into me, his hands moved me, positioning my butt on the edge of the desk, lifting my legs, pushing my knees back so that I was wide open to him, acutely conscious of my exposure. I watched him as he moved me for his pleasure, excited at the position he placed me in, so open and exposed. It felt almost obscenely exciting to lie before him like that and be spread by his hands in broad daylight. In our kitchen. I reveled in the sensation, in the excitement and the shame I felt as he prepared to take me. I opened easily for him as he slipped inwards, stretching me around his and then the full length of his shaft.

I'd never felt more helpless and excited in my life as I then, lying before him on the breakfast table, half-naked, exposed, positioned for him to take, knowing he had a perfect view of his cock sliding into my pussy. I could see him looking down at out joining, watching as he entered me. I could see the excitement and the desire for me on his face. And when he looked up at my face and smiled, I could see the love for me there as well. His cock all the way inside me, holding himself still ne me as he repositioned my legs so that my knees were bent far back, his hands holding my legs spread wide and back so that my feet bounced around in front of his shoulders as his cock began to ease in and out of me.

"Ooaaaoohhhh." I groaned now, feeling his cock deep within me, stretching my inner walls around his thickness, huge and hard in my passage, feeling him inside me, feeling the shape of him, the swollen head moving against my walls, feeling his movements within me and it was so good I had to sob my pleasure helplessly. His hands spread my thighs even wider, pushed them further back.

"Fuck, Ashlee, you're so tight like this," he breathed, "your cunt's so fucking tight." Both of his hands gripped my legs tightly now, holding me in place as he worked his cock backwards and forwards inside me. My body jerked on the table as he moved in me but his hands on my thighs held me in place. I cried out as he pushed up hard against my butt and the backs of my thighs again and again, working his cock so deeply into me with slow steady thrusts. His thrusts grew quicker, taking me deeper and harder while my inner walls clutched him tightly, every single motion of his cock creating new sensations in me, my body sheened with sweat as he took me.

Excitement growing, my head arched back, I could hear myself whimpering, eager to feel more of what Ryan was doing to my body. He was moving harder now, each of his plunging thrusts making my body judder and move on the table, my small boobs quivering under the increasing power of his pounding hips. I could see his eyes watching as they moved, , his hips rocking forward, his cock pounding into me, every thrust deep and hard, pulling back, plunging into me. I could hear myself making more and more noises of my own, helpless noises of excitement and surrender and eagerness and I knew I was close.

"You're mine, Ashlee, I love and you're mine."

I was his. I knew that. I was his to fuck. That, combined with his relentlessly forceful thrusts of his cock into me sent me over the edge, peaking in slow climax that washed up and through me in a surging wave. I heard myself moaning, juddering on the desk as my head shook from side to side, my pussy convulsing in tight spasms around Ryan's cock. As I climaxed, I felt Ryan's cum spurt out inside me, his cock throbbing and pumping his cum into me for a long long moment of culmination. He stayed inside me, holding himself there, shuddering as he satisfied himself, his eyes burning into mine as I lay before him, his hands still holding my legs wide and back as he emptied himself into me.

That long moment of culmination ended. Ryan's hands released me. He eased slowly out of me, leaving my legs dangling helplessly over the edge of the table, my body and my sex exposed to his gaze. I lay there, limp, still spread wide, feeling his cum trickling out of me, down my inner thighs, dripping from me to pool on the flat wooden surface of the breakfast table. I moved on hand down, feeling myself there as Ryan watched, dipping my fingers into my opening, feeling his cum oozing from me, running my fingers through it, feeling the texture and consistency with my fingertips, scooping some up and looking at it trail from my fingers while Ryan watched me.

"There's so much of it," I said wonderingly, half sitting up, looking at the pool of cum below the juncture of my thighs, watching it ooze from me.

"Mmmm," he smiled, dipping his own fingers in his cum, scooping it up, sliding his fingertips across my lips. "Lick my fingers, Ashlee."

I did, sitting up, sucking his cum of his fingertips as the puddle I sat in grew. Smiling at him. "You can clean the table, Ryan, I need to clean up me." Finding my panties and running upstairs, his cum so slippery on my thighs. Showering in my bathroom. Smiling when he came to join me. Sinking to my knees as he stepped into my shower, taking his now flaccid cock in my mouth, tasting his cum, salty and bitter. There was also a tangy, slightly sweet and vaguely spicy flavor which I knew was me. He moved his hips, his cock filling my mouth as I licked and sucked on him, swallowing the bitter-sweet-spice residue of our love-making that covered him, cleaning him gently, while one of his hands stroked my hair.

Growing hard in my mouth. Looking up at him as he reached down to lift me to my feet.

"Again?" I was surprised. Surprised but happy.

Ryan bending me forward over my bathroom counter, positioning himself against me. Looking into my eyes in the mirror.

"Nnnugghhhhhhh." Groaning as his cock slid into me. Pleasure. Exquisite sliding penetration. Overwhelmed by excitement as he stood behind me, fucking me again until he came in me.

* * *

Late on that last night of Thanksgiving weekend I lay in my bed, waiting. The door opened, Ryan slipped in, the lock snicked and he was beside my bed as I drew the duvet back. He slid down beside me, looking down at me, not touching me.

"I can't stop thinking about you," he whispered, one of his hands on my thigh, high on my inner thigh, bringing a hot shiver to me.

"I can't stop thinking about you, all the time." I looked into his eyes, my arms going round him. "What are we going to do? I love you so much, I can't stop myself loving you, Ryan. I know we shouldn't but I can't, I can't, I just love you so much."

"Oh god, Ashlee." He kissed my face, his lips brushing my nose, my cheeks, his hand brushing lightly across my skin, tingling everywhere he touched me. "I know that too, but I can't help it, I love you so much, Ashlee, I can't stand not to hold you, not to touch you." He lifted his head, looked into my eyes, his expression so serious, so intent, even in the moonlit darkness of my bedroom. "I love you and I know it'll look wrong to everyone else but everything with you just feels right."

"I know, Ryan, I know." I wrapped my arms around him, drawing him over me, my legs easing apart for him. "I love you, I love you."

"I can't fight this, Ashlee." His voice was shaking. His body was shaking, trembling against me. 'I can't."

"Don't," I breathed, my hands gently massaging his shoulders, his back, feeling him so tense. "Don't fight it Ryan. Not now. It's too late to fight it, Ryan. Just let it happen. I love you and you love me and there's nothing to fight, let's just be together tonight."

"I don't want just tonight, Ashlee. I want always. You and me. Forever." Pain filled his voice. Pain and longing and love and anguish and guilt.

"Forever," I breathed, my heart bounding with joy, with love. "You and me forever, we'll have that Ryan, we will, we'll make it work somehow. I couldn't bear to be without you now." I smiled up at him, feeling his cock brushing against me. Reached down with one hand, found him, clasped him, enjoyed the way he tensed at my touch, sucked in his breath.

"We can talk after you go back to College Ryan, okay, there's lots of time to talk before Christmas."

"Okay."

I smiled, drew him to me, guided him to where I was so wet, so ready for him. "So, big brother, can you stop talking now and just shut up and fuck me."

"Ashlee?"

I smiled, moving my hips, gasping as the head of his cock slipped inside me for a second. "I want you Ryan... I want you so much... just stop with the over thinking and fuck me, okay."

He smiled. "You always do come straight to the point don't you, Ashlee."

I giggled. "Yeah, and right now you better do what I want you to do to me, Ryan."

"Or?" Okay, that was better, he was relaxing now, smiling.

I moved my hand on him, stroking his length, his cock so hard under my fingers, his balls so full and heavy. "Or something's going to explode before it finishes what it's supposed to do to me."

"Oooooohhhhhhh." Sobbing as his cock entered me, as he slid home inside me, not stopping, moving, stroking, sliding inside me, stretching my inner walls around his length again and again as he surged inside me. Fucking me on and on. My pussy enjoying what his cock was doing to me, the sensations he was creating within my body so new and so wonderful, so irresistible. Knowing I loved Ryan so very much as he made love to me, as I gave myself so willingly to him.

Amazed at how good it felt this time. No discomfort, no pain, no soreness. Just the exhilarating pleasure of his cock moving inside me, that gentle thrusting penetration that filled me high inside again and again, holding me enthralled as his cock sheathed itself within me at the juncture of my thighs, my pleasure building and building and building towards an inexorable ending.

"I love you Ryan .... I love you ... I love you..." Those few words I gasped out contained so much meaning, so much emotion, so much want and need and love for Ryan. Giving myself to him with complete abandon, knowing I was his, knowing he loved me. Lying beneath him as he moved on me, as his weight lay heavy on me, his legs holding me wide open, parting my thighs to give that rigid cock open access to my pussy, open access to drive into me, to take me, to use me for his pleasure. Taking my own pleasure from what he was doing to me, revelling in his enjoyment of me.

Every sliding penetration deep within me sending ripples and waves of pleasure through my body, holding my limp and willing beneath him for his use. Revelling in what he was doing to me, in the use he was making of my body, of my pussy. The pleasure this time even more intense now that I knew what was happening, knew what to expect as he made love to me. As he fucked me.

Looking up at him as he had me, his body moving on me, in me, watching his face, watching the enjoyment, the desire, the way he looked down at me, knowing he loved me, knowing he wanted me so much, wanting him in return. No longer thinking as my excitement grew and grew and grew until we were moving together, my excitement matching his, peaking in a slow wave that went on and on as he had me, ebbed, returned to crest again as he continued to move in me until he too came, his culmination everything I wanted, filling me with happiness, with satisfaction at giving him what he craved, what be needed.

Me.

Much later that night, in my bed, cuddled up together after he'd fucked me, I smiled, nuzzling him, smelling him. He smelled perfect. "Remember out first time, you know, the Halloween Party?"

"Yeah, I remember." His hand stroked my butt, held me close. "How could I forget."

"You better always remember." I bit his shoulder lightly, tasting his sweat. "It was how you smelt, that's what got you into my panties."

"Really?"

"Yeah, you just smelt right." I licked him again. "You smell so good."

Ryan laughed softly. "So do you, Ashlee." He paused. "I shouldn't tell you this, you're going to think I'm a pervert or something."

I giggled. "Fucking your adopted little sister makes you a pervert, Ryan. You know that, right. Legally anyhow." I kissed him. "The adopted little sister's not complaining though, you can be as perverted as you like with me, we'll figure out something." I felt so confident that we would. That love would triumph. Didn't love always triumph over everything. "It's all going to work out for us in the end, Ryan, I know." I kissed him again. "I love you, Ryan." And again, knowing we would win out. "Anyhow, what were you going to tell me, big bro?"

"Before..."

"Yeah, before when? The Halloween Party? Mmmmmmm. I remember that party." I giggled. "There was this pirate guy, he swept me off my feet and fucked me."

"Yeah. That party, Ashlee." He didn't laugh, he licked my skin, his tongue lapping at my breast, at my armpit so that I squirmed and giggled again.. "You smell so good, Ashlee. I love smelling you when you're all sweaty after I've fucked you. You're so fucking delicious."

God, that was so distracting. I liked it so much. "Ryan! Tell me. Before?"

"Uh, yeah, well, I love how you smell, I always did. I didn't just jerk off thinking about you." I swear I could feel him blushing. "I used to ... uhhh... I don't know how to say this..."

"Sniff my panties?" I giggled.

"Yeah. Did you know?"

For a moment I wasn't sure how to react. I could feel how tense he was. Then I giggled. "You're such a pervert, Ryan." My hand found his cock. God, he was getting excited again. Getting hard. "What else?"

"I used to jerkoff while I was sniffing them, then cum in your panties and wash them and put them back in your drawers."

Now I really did giggle. A shocked giggle. "Did that get you excited, sniffing my panties and doing your stuff in them?"

"Yeah, totally."

His cock was so hard. A steel bar in my hands. I thought about wearing my panties, knowing that he'd cum in them and given them back to me to wear. Washed of course, but still. I shivered with excitement. That was so dirty. That was so exciting. He'd done that? Really? Oh god, that was so exciting.

"How many of my panties did you jerk off into?" I was breathing hard myself, thinking of that. Realizing that every time I'd worn my panties, his cum had impregnated the cotton and lace I wore. Oh Jesus, that was so exciting. He was making me so wet.

"All of them," he said, nuzzling his face into my shoulder.

"All of them? Every single one?" I just about squealed.

"Yeah."

"Those panties I wore to the Halloween party, my new ones?"

"Them too."

"Oh Jesus ... Jesus ..." I was squirming. Do I really smell that good to you?"

"Yeah, you do." Oh my god, he was really hard.

"Do you want to take some of my panties back with you, to, you know, help you think of me until you come back?"

"Would you?" Ohhhhh, he was rock hard again and I was so wet.

"Yeah, of course." Oh god yes, I would. Oh yes, definitely. "We can skype and I can watch you jerk off into my panties." I was panting.

"And you can play with yourself at the same time."

"If you want me too."

"Play with yourself now, while I'm watching you."

"That's torture, Ryan, you know that, right? You can feel how wet I am already. Just thinking about you jerking off into my panties and me wearing them." I was. God, I was so hot and wet and slippery and I wanted his cock in me.

"Torture?" He smiled. "No, Ashlee. Torture was sitting there at breakfast and watching you sitting there and I'd know you were wearing panties that I'd jerked off into and filled with my cum and you didn't know and I just wanted to fuck you so bad but I couldn't and I'd get so hard just seeing you sitting there and knowing my cum was right there, in your panties, with you in them, touching your skin and I'd have to go back upstairs and jerk off before we left for school."

I had to giggle. "That was why you were always forgetting something." Like a steel bar in my hand. A steel bar that was covered in silk and throbbed. I pushed the duvet down, let go of him, rolled onto my back and spread my legs.

"Do you want to lick me and taste me? Wouldn't sniffing my pussy be better than my panties?" God, was I shameless? "Wouldn't you rather taste my pussy?" I reached down with my fingers, found my pussy so slick with excitement, so sensitive that I moaned out loud, shivering with the touch of my own fingers. My head rolled from side to side, breathing hard as my fingertips spread my labia apart, exposing myself, knowing my labia were so swollen, my clitoris so engorged, so sensitive.

Ryan moved, slid down the bed, moved to his knees, eased himself over to kneel between my widespread legs, his eyes bright with desire. "Play with yourself for me, Ashlee."

I looked at him and my fingers moved, teasing my clitoris with one finger, circling, brushing lightly, sucking my breath in as my hips jerked, as I felt my wetness flowing from me, trickling down to my butt.

"You're so beautiful, Ashlee," he murmured, watching my fingers moving, my other hand slowly teasing my labia, slick with my wetness, puffy and swollen with my excitement. Watching him watching me, I used my fingertips to pull my labia apart again, exposing myself to him as one thumb stroked my clitoris.

"Oh God, Ryan," I gasped, "Oh God, that feels so good doing that."

"Mmmmm, you look so sexy, Ashlee." His voice husky with desire as he leaned forward, his mouth lowering itself to my pussy, his hands on my inner thighs, pressing my legs back, wide apart, his mouth suddenly on me, his tongue flickering over my clitoris, on and on as my hips jerked, my hands clutched at my head and I pushed myself up against his mouth, gasping, whining, whimpering.

"Ooooohhhhhh." He slid two fingers inside my pussy, twisting them in me, moving them in and out as I stretched so easily around them. My head jerked, tossed, my back arched as I drew my legs back, bucked my hips, his tongue lashing at me, tasting me, his mouth sucking at me as his fingers probed me and my climax was so close ... so close ... my pussy so swollen and wet and I was gasping and shuddering and arching against his mouth.

"Ohhhhhhhh...ohhhh...ooohhhhh." My climax swept through me, a tidal wave that filled me, going on and on and on until I was sure I was going to die from the sheer pleasure of my feelings, of the sensations I was experiencing.

As those pulsing waves died away, Ryan moved up over me, his mouth finding mine as I moaned and gasped, tasting myself on his lips and tongue, a sweet musky taste that I liked as his tongue slid deep into my mouth.

As his cock slid deep into my pussy with a casual ease that had my back arching with pleasure as I moaned into his mouth just before his lips lifted from mine.

"I love feeling my cock sliding up inside you," he breathed, pushing hard into me.

"Uuughhhhhh." So did I but I was lost for words, helplessly looking up at him as his cock began to pump into me. My pussy clasped him tight, frantic little squeezes as he moved in me and now he was pounding into me, his cock so big, so hard and I clutched at him and sobbed and moaned and kicked his butt with my heels as he rode me and I was on the edge again. Close. So close as his cock plunged into me. Clinging to him. Sobbing for breath, my head arching back as my need grew and grew and grew.

"Do it for me, Ashlee," he groaned, and I could feel his cock in me swelling, engorging, larger than before and I knew he was close to and I wanted him to finish.

"Uuughhh," I groaned. "Uughhh ... uuhhh ....nuuhhh." And then it was all too much and that building climax just seemed to rise and crest and break and all I could do was succumb to that wave of golden pleasure, become one with it, one with the sensations my body was experiencing, mindless pleasure. As I climaxed, Ryan groaned, fucking me deeper, fucking me harder and then he was cumming, his body shuddering with the force of his culmination as he pumped his cum out inside me, spurt after spurt after spurt until there was nothing left to give me.

His body went limp on me, his weight so heavy as he subsided, relaxed onto me. I welcome that weight, held him, cradled him, my own body quivering and shaking as I panted for breath. Long moments passed before either of us moved.

It was Ryan that stirred first, lifting his head, looking down at me, smiling. "I want to do that again."

"Can you?" Really. Could he? A third time.

"Lets rest for a while and then you can suck me hard."

"Okay."

We did. I did. He did. We did. Bliss. Paradise.

* * *

The next morning, down in the kitchen, knowing Ryan was leaving any minute and I wouldn't see him again until Christmas. Only a few short weeks. After breakfast. Dad out. Mom over at Mrs. Nobles for an hour. Ryan getting a ride back to college with of his friends, the one who'd given him a lift over for Thanksgiving.

"I'll be back for Christmas, Ashlee," as I sat on his lap while he spoon fed me my cereal.

"Okay." He kissed me, slowly, gently. Lovingly.

He was hard almost instantly, pressing against me. I giggled.

"What?"

"Just a kiss and you're...?" I moved against him.

He grinned, almost sheepishly.

I stepped back, not smiling anymore. Slid of his lap, stood up. Lifted my skirt up, revealing the red lace panties I was wearing. Ryan blinked as I pushed them down, let them fall to my ankles, stepped out of them, picked them up. Held them out to him.

"Jerk off into them, Ryan."

"Huh?" He blinked.

"You like jerking off into my panties, Ryan. Jerk off into them now. I want to watch you." His hand shook as he took my panties from me. I smiled, leaned back against the kitchen table, lifted my skirt up to my waist. "Look at me and jerk off, Ryan."

I held my skirt up with one hand, teased myself with the fingers of my other hand, watching him as he unzipped his jeans, as he worked his cock out, already rigidly erect. The sight of it brought a flood of instant wetness to me, coating my fingertips as I teased my lips apart. His hand started stroking his cock as he looked at me. My fingers slid along my slippery wet labia, sliding down, sending little shivers through me as Ryan stroked his cock, working his and up and down, so hard, the head so red, moving his foreskin up and down over the head.

"You're going to fuck me with that at Christmas, Ryan," I gasped. "I want you to come into my bedroom and screw my little pussy with that big hard cock as soon as you get back."

Ryan's eyes were eating me alive as I teased myself, as I spread my labia apart, exposing my inner pinkness for him to look at. "You're so fucking beautiful," he breathed. "God, Ashlee, you're so fucking gorgeous and I love you." His hand was moving so fast now, stroking himself as he watched me playing with my clitoris. He was watching my fingers.

"I love you, Ryan. I can't wait for you to fuck me every night over Christmas. We'll have almost two weeks. You can fuck me any way you want, Ryan."

"Oh Christ, Ashlee ... Ashlee." He groaned, his hand blurred, he covered the head of his cock with my panties. I watched his cum spurting out, thick white ropes captured in the red lace he held in one hand.

I looked at my little red panties, filled with his creamy white cum. So much of it. I smiled at him, reached out my hand, took them from him, opened them, stepped into them, pulled them up and on, all the way. Gasping as his cum, still thick and warm, squished against me as I adjusted the fit.

"Oh fuck!" Ryan gasped.

I smiled, shivering with excitement. "I'm going to wear them all day, Ryan." I massaged myself, feeling his cum against me, inside my panties, soaking my panties, coating my skin. "I'm going to think about you all day while I'm wearing them."

"Oh fuck!" Ryan gasped again.

"Mmmmm, Skype me when you get back to College tonight and I'll show you," I whispered, sinking to my knees, taking his cock into my mouth, licking him clean. Licking my lips as I stood back up.

He took me in his arms again, kissed me hard, holding me close. "I love you so much Ashlee."

"Love you, Ryan."

A horn beeped from the driveway. "Sounds like Dave's here," I smiled. "You enjoy yourself, Ryan." He walked out in a daze, followed by my smile. I wore those panties all day. I texted him late in the afternoon to tell him. That night, I showed him while he jerked off. He came about five strokes after he saw my panties and my pussy. I climaxed thirty seconds after he did, my knees up over the arms of my chair, spread wide for him to watch as I played with myself.

Skyping. Almost every night from my bedroom. Taking my pj's off for Ryan, sitting there naked, watching him and playing with myself as he jerked off, trying to make myself climax at the same time as his cum spurted up into the air.

My face close to the monitor. "On my face, Ryan, I want you to cum on my face," and climaxing myself, moaning as he spurted onto the camera. His cum blurring the view completely as I fell back into my chair, my legs spread wide, one finger inside myself while my thumb strummed across my clitoris, shaking.

Talking about anything and everything. Talking about us. Our plans. What we could do. Ryan telling me how he wanted to make love to me at Christmas. Me telling Ryan how good I felt when he made love to me, how wonderful his cock felt when it was inside me, fucking me. Positions for having sex in. Ryan showing me illustrations of different positions, telling me how he wanted to do me. Me, picking and choosing. Asking questions. Wet with excitement. Playing with myself as he told me how was going to fuck me, what he was going to do to me.

Christmas couldn't come soon enough for either of us.

* * *

"Where're Mom and Dad?"

"Last minute Christmas shopping." I pushed the garage door closed behind him, took his smallest bag from him, ran up the stairs after him, straight into his bedroom. Kicked his door shut behind me, flicked the lock. Launched myself at him.

"I've been waiting all day for you, Ryan."

"I spent the whole drive here thinking of you, Ashlee. "Ten whole days together." Ryan kissed me. We spent a long time kissing, my hands fumbling at his belt.

"Ten whole nights," I breathed as he lifted me around and onto his bed, landing beside me. "You can't spend all your time with me, that'd look too weird."

"As much as possible with you, Ashlee, I've been missing you like you wouldn't believe."

I giggled. "I can tell." I was fumbling at his jeans, unzipping him and he was so hard. Hard and unbelievably big.

"No panties?" He grinned at his own discovery.

I smiled. "I was expecting you ... we need to be quick, Mom and Dad'll only be another hour, Uncle Jim and Auntie Beth are coming over for dinner." I stroked him, my heart pounding as I explored his rigid length. It still seemed so unbelievable that we were doing this, that he loved me. That I loved him.

But we were and he did and I did and he was pushing my skirt up around my waist and looking at me there. I was so wet. His jeans were pushed down. I was spreading my legs as he was moving over me. I held him, guiding him to me.

"Am I pretty?" I gasped, looking up at his face, so eager, his eyes burning down into mine. "Do you want me?" Feeling him between my legs, his thighs pushing against mine, his chest crushing down on my breasts.

He groaned hoarsely. "God, Ashlee, so much, I can't stop thinking about you. I love you so much."

"Take me," I moaned, "do it to me." My hand guiding him to me, letting go as he found me, as he pushed into me, long, slow, deep thrusting penetration that went on and on and on until all of him was buried in me and I was shuddering with the feel of his shaft filling me inside after so many weeks apart.

"Do anything I want to you?" He was smiling down at me, that mischievous look on his face.

"Anything," I moaned, clinging to his shoulders as his weight pinned me beneath him while his cock moved so gently inside me, accustoming my pussy to his using me all over again.

"Hhhnnnuuhhhh?" I groaned as his fingertip found my sphincter, pushed through the surprises resistance of that tight little ring of muscle, slid into me and then his finger was all the way up inside my butt and I was looking up at him with wide-eyed surprise, feeling his cock in me. Feeling his finger in me at the same time. Shivering at the strangeness of that double penetration. Remembering what Erika had said, that Bryve had fuck her butt. That it'd felt weird but it hadn't been bad, although it'd hurt a bit to start with when his cock was going in to her. But after it was in, it'd been okay.

"Okay, Ashlee?" Ryan asked, his eyes questioning me.

"Uhhhh, it feels really strange."

"Can I fuck you like this?"

"Ryan," I gasped, "You can do anything you want to me."

"I don't want to do this to you if you don't like it."

"I'm not sure I like it, but don't stop."

He didn't. He left his finger buried in my butt while he fucked me steadily, his cock working in and out, my excitement growing and growing and growing and then peaking when his finger moved in my butt, stroking his cock through the thin membranes that separated him inside me.

"Ohhhhh fuck ...ooohhhhh fuck." My surprised cries as he did that.

"Climax for me baby .... Climax for me, Ashlee." His voice so insistent, his cock unstoppable.

"Oh Christ, Ryan .... Ryan ... ohh Ryan,". My pussy spasmed and danced on his cock, squeezing both his cock and his finger inside my butt as my climax hit me like a tornado, sweeping me away. My legs spread wide, my feet flat on his bed, my hips pushing up wildly at him, lifting his weight as he held me, as his cock thrust and thrust and thrust again while his finger probed my butt and I shook and shivered and moaned through a glowing wave of golden sensation that echoed and reverberated through me, on and on and on.

Afterwards, smiling. "Let's take a quick shower together."

Seeing him naked in the shower, sinking to my knees before him, kissing his butt. Taking him in my mouth as he turned and looked down at me. Sucking on him until he was hard. Making love, hard and fast on his bathroom floor, over in minutes, both of us satisfied, glowing, happily content. Showering again, hastily, smiling at each other as we dried and dressed.

"Tonight." Kissing him before racing downstairs to start on Christmas Eve dinner for Mom. Ryan joining me, so that when Mom arrived home, we were both hard at work in the kitchen, enjoying ourselves.

* * *

Christmas Day. Dinner over, Ryan and I in the kitchen doing the dishes and loading the dishwasher while Mom, Dad, Uncle Jim, Auntie Beth, Mrs. Noble from next door and Uncle Ernie who'd driven over from out of state with Auntie Karen sat around talking in the family room.

"Early to bed tonight?" I smiled at Ryan.

He grinned. "What do you think?"

I giggled. "We have to wait until Mom and Dad are asleep."

"But as soon we they are...."

I reached down, stroked the front of his jeans. "Something's going to have a busy night."

His smile, the way he looked at me, he had me panting.

"God, Ashlee, whenever you look like that, I just want to fuck you so bad."

"Ssssshhhhh." I had to smile though. "Whenever you look at me like that, I just want to lay on my back and have you fuck me."

"Ssssshhhhhh." We smiled at each other, just that look reflecting the love for each other we both felt. "Later."

"Bring some more beer from the fridge, hey, Ryan," Dad called.

"Sure Dad, coming," Ryan called back. To me, "let's get back out there before I bend you over the kitchen table."

I giggled. "You wouldn't dare."

The look he gave me made my heart pound. "We better get out there before I'm seriously tempted."

I made sure I wiggled my butt at him as we walked out of the kitchen. Laughing as he tried to swat me.

* * *

Christmas night. Mom and Dad gone to bed at last. In my bed, wearing a bright red garter belt and matching red fishnet stockings. Nothing else. Shivering with excitement as I sat up, found a wrap, walked to my bedroom door, opened it. Walked down the hallway to Ryan's room. His light was on. I tapped, opened his door, stepped inside, closed it behind me. He was walking out of his bathroom, naked. He looked at me, surprised.

His surprise turned to excitement as I dropped my wrap on the floor. "I brought you your Christmas present. Gift wrapped." I giggled, my fingers pulling my labia apart. "See, all ready for you to open."

"You're shameless, Ashlee."

I giggled. "Yeah, I am, and something really likes it that I am." He was hard already, jutting up and out. Rigid. "I'm so wet, Ryan." I could feel myself, swollen, liquidly wet, so slippery and ready. "I want you to fuck me, Ryan. Right now."

He walked across the room to me, swept me up in his arms, lay me on my back on his bed, moving with me, moving over me as my legs parted, as I offered myself to him. An offering he accepted immediately, his cock entering me with slippery ease. My pussy opening to him as he found me, moaning as the head of his cock slid between my lips, pushed into me, moaning again as I felt myself sheathing him with me.

"Uuuuggghhhhh." Hilted in me, his solid presence thick and hard inside me as my feet kicked up at the ceiling. AS his hands pinned mine to the bed above my head.

"Hard?" he groaned, and I could feel the need, the tension, the desire that wound his muscles tight.

"Hard, Ryan, as hard as you like," I moaned, my head arching back, my back arching as he forced every last fraction of his cock into me, filling me, brushing my cervix with the tip. "Fuck me hard."

"Nuughhhh." His hips lifted, plunged, brutally hammering his cock home inside me, drawing back until only the head was inside me, pausing, driving the full length of his shaft into me, hard, surging inwards against the tight clasp of my inner walls. Feeling him surge up within me. Bucking beneath him, my back arching, my feet beating against his butt as he filled me. "Uuughhhhh."

And again. "Uuughhhhh."

And again. "Nnnngguuuhhh."

Good. So fucking good. Helplessly, willingly, eagerly accepting his cock. My body his, my pussy his as he stroked inside me hard and hard and hard. On and on and on and I knew that is what I was made for. I was made for Ryan to love, to cherish. Made to obey him, to give him what he desired, what he wanted from me. I was made for Ryan to fuck and he was, he was fucking me so good and this was everything there was, everything that was important. Lying on my back in his bed, naked and at his mercy, with Ryan taking me, his cock plunging into me. My pussy making those wet noises as he had me, my moans filling the room, accompanying the rhythmic slapping of his body against mine, his heavy breathing.

His eyes looking down into mine, his expression so intent, as if he was reading my mind, drinking in my soul, drinking in my love for him, my desire for him, my complete surrender to him. I was his, completely, utterly, body and soul. Just as I knew he was mine and that nothing would separate us, nothing would ever tear us apart. Our love was forever, we were forever, we were one, body and soul, locked together, our bodies joined, moving together, two parts of a whole that would never be sundered.

When I climaxed and Ryan climaxed with me, it was as if everything in the universe but us had disappeared and we were one, united in a blaze of sensations and colours and joy that went on and on and on in a writhing pounding frenzy until at last we subsided, breathless, our bodies soaked in sweat, my pussy filled with his cum.

"Oh Jesus, Ryan." I clung to him, not wanting to feel our bodies draw apart, even for an instant. "I can't bear it that we have to be apart."

"Six months and we can be together always." His voice a whisper, his body so heavy on mine. A welcome weight.

"Six months," I groaned. Too long. Far too long to wait.

"Patience, Ashlee," he breathed, smiling down at me. "be patient, we need to be careful."

"I know," I whispered back, "But I don't want to be. I want everyone to know we're together."

"Me too but we can't, you know that." His voice, so sad.

"I know." Mine, also sad, forlorn even. Wishing we could be together, be boyfriend and girlfriend. Wishing we could be open lovers, not having to conceal and hide how we felt, that we were together.

* * *

"Again"" I whispered, feeling him hard against me. "God, I'm exhausted, Ryan."

He chuckled. "It's that garter belt and stockings, Ashlee. Every time I see you in them, I get hard again."

I giggled. "Yeah, but this is, like, the seventh time tonight and it's four a.m. We need some sleep, Ryan."

"After this."

"Okay." I wasn't unwilling. Just tired and a little bruised and battered. His hands moving me, rolling me onto my back as he moved over me and I was ready for him. Wet and hot and parting my legs as he moved between them.

"Uuugghhhhh."

Hard. Then tender and gentle for a long time, followed by hard and fast. All of it really really good. Climaxing at the end as Ryan settled down to a fast hard pounding fuck, clinging to him as he slammed his cock into me again and again before erupting inside me with a volcanic intensity that brought me to a second climax as he spurted into me.

* * *

Every night together, all through that next week. Every night in my bed. Making love again and again, unable to get enough of each other. So hard during the day to stop those little words coming out, those casual gestures, the holding of hands, the kisses, the glances, the smiles. The little endearments. All those things you did when you were boyfriend and girlfriend and we couldn't do because he was my big brother and I was his little sister. Adopted sister, but we knew Mom and Dad wouldn't see it like that. No-one we knew would see it like that.

"It's so nice that you're spending all your time at home this Christmas, Ryan." Mom was so happy. She'd missed Ryan terribly when he'd first gone off to College two years ago. Last Christmas he'd been out with his buddies almost every day, we'd only seen him in the mornings for breakfast and on Christmas Day.

"Gotta get that quality family time in, Mom." Ryan smiled. He loved Mom and Dad, I knew. But that was laying it on a bit thick.

Mom believed him though. She wanted to believe him.

* * *

That last night of our Christmas break before he headed back to College. I'd worn those little lace g-string panties for him. I'd told him what I was wearing before dinner. Flashed him in the kitchen afterwards. Enjoyed the look on his face, the bulge in his jeans. Giggled at his whispered "you'll pay for that, Ashlee."

Later that night, after he'd removed my panties and gagged me with them, I'd paid. I'd paid and I'd loved every single moment of that payment.

Lying in my bed intertwined, arms and legs around each other, as close to each other as we could be, relaxing after making love. Whispering. Making plans.

"I'll be back for a weekend in February, then for Easter and all summer and September we'll both be at College together. We can get an apartment together when we're both at College. Mom and Dad'll like it that I'm looking after you."

"Mmmm. I'd like that too." I purred, nestling myself against him, enjoying his arms holding me. "I like you looking after me Ryan, I want to wake up in the morning with you next to me and get up after we make love and make breakfast for you."

"Mmmmm." He kissed me, traced a finger down my cheekbone, noses touching. "Take long showers together."

I giggled. "Baths. I want to have long soapy baths with you."

"Every night."

"Mmmmm, I want to wash you and get you all hard and then sit on you."

"I'd like that."

"I bet." My tongue licked at him, tasting his sweat, inhaling the scent of him, sweat and the afterscent of our lovemaking and him. I could breath in that scent for the rest of my life.

His hand ran down my side, resting on my hip. "I want to do everything with you, Ashlee, for the rest of our lives, you and me, together. Always."

"Always," I sighed, resting my head against him, knowing I was loved, feeling so whole, cherished and complete. Truly happy in a way that I'd never known before. "For the rest of our lives, Ryan."

"I love you, Ashlee."

"Love you Ryan."

Sleep came, welcome sleep. Nestled against Ryan, his arms around me.

* * *

In the early hours of the morning, Ryan woke me with a kiss and a gentle caress of his hands. "I've got to go soon, Ashlee. Got to drive back at College today."

I stirred, eyes opening sleepily, one thought dominating my mind. "Can we do it again before you go?" I was already turning towards him, my hand searching for his cock, finding him, stroking him with my fingers, eager for him to have me again. Make love to me one last time before he had to leave.

"Mmmmm, you must've read my mind, Ashlee." He hardened so quickly in my clasp. I could feel him swelling, growing, stiffening to rigidity under my eager fingers. My own excitement rising with his sudden hardness.

"Is fucking me that exciting for you?" My whisper seemed to inflame him, I felt his cock pulse in my clasp.

"I love you so much, Ashlee."

"Ohhhhh .... I love you Ryan ... I love you." His finger found me, eased inside me as I parted my legs for him.

"I love that you shaved there." The heat in his whisper seemed to flow into my body, fill me, melt me so that his finger found a liquid readiness.

"Ryan." He was so hard in my hand. Rigid. Me? I was totally wet for him, making wet noises around his fingers as he pushed two of them into me, moved then inside me. That felt so good.

"Yeah?" He was as excited as I was, I could tell.

"Let's move to the floor, I want you to fuck me hard before you go. My bed'll make too much noise."

"Hard?"

"As hard as you want to." I smiled, my fingers working up and down his length. I loved the feel of his cock in my hand, aroused, ready to take me. I could feel the hardness under that velvet skin, the veins, the ridges, that swollen glans. I loved it even more as it began to enter me. "Really really hard," I breathed. "I want you to do whatever you want to me before you go."

"God, Ashlee, you drive me crazy." He was moving over me as he spoke. "I can't wait, I want to fuck you in your bed first, sis." His knees nudged mine apart."Spread your legs wide for me, sis."

"Whatever you want, Ryan." My legs parted willingly for him as he moved to kneel between them and then he took me by surprise. He lowered his head and he kissed my pussy, his hands pushing my knees wide apart, exposing me completely to him. My belly contracted, my whole body spasmed with sudden pleasure as his tongue slid over me there, raking the length of my slit where I was already so wet, so ready. Where he'd already fucked me so hard that night.

His tongue left me even wetter, left me helpless as he licked between my parted pussy lips, licked over my clitoris, around my clitoris so that my hips jerked, the stubble on his chin moving across the smooth skin I'd shaved bare earlier that day, just for him. For Ryan.

"You taste so good, Ashlee," he breathed before licking at me again. Licking me as my hands clutched at his head, as I blushed bright red with excitement and with embarrassment. "You taste so good."

"I do?" I moaned, raising my head to watch him. Lifting myself up on both arms so that I could see what his mouth was doing to me. See his tongue sliding along my pink lips. See his fingers pulling me delicately apart so his tongue could taste my depths. Shuddering as I felt his tongue as well as seeing it. Spreading my legs wider for him, displaying myself to him without an shame, wanting him to see me.

He looked up, smiling, his lips shining with me. "You do."

His fingers began to touch me as he licked me, gentle licks and kisses, soft caresses of his fingers, teasing and stroking my labia, finding my clitoris, teasing, brushing, tongue and fingers so that I whimpered as I watched him.

"Do you have any idea how beautiful you are, Ashlee?" His glance upwards, smiling.

"I'm not beautiful," I whispered, "I'm skinny and my boobs are too small and I'm nothing like all the girls you've dated before."Ashlee, you're perfect," he breathed, before licking me again. Lifting his face, looking so elated, so happy. "You're just right, everything about you is just right for me."

He meant it, I knew. I reached down with one hand, stroking his head as he lapped at me, as his tongue danced over me, drawing my hips upwards in little jerks as I found myself wanting more.

"You're mine, Ashlee, you're all mine and I love you my gorgeous little sis."

Nobody had ever called me gorgeous before, but when Ryan said it like that, I believed him completely, knowing that to him I was. "I love you Ryan, I love you and I'm yours. I'm yours forever."

He smiled again, smiled and pushed two fingers inside me, the fingers of his other hand holding my labia open for him to lick my clitoris while his fingers eased in and out of me and I'd never seen anything so exciting. Never imagined watching a guy do things like this to me could drive me half crazy and the noises my pussy was making. Wet noises around his finger and I could feel how wet I was.

"You're so wet." He felt that too and now he moved up and over me, pushing me back down onto the bed. His voice whispered in my ear as his fingers slid out of me, caressing my labial lips as the head of his cock gently nudged against me. As I tasted myself on his lips as he kissed me.

"That's what you do to me, Ryan," I gasped. "As soon as I think about you."

He pushed against me, my pussy fluttered with anticipation for just a moment and then he was inside me, sliding inwards, plunging inwards at the end. That sensation of being completely filled radiated through me, drawing a soft moan of pleasure from me as his weight came down on me, as he took me, as he possessed me.

"Ashlee ... Ashlee..." The sound of my name on his lips, breathed with such passion, such love, such want and need.

"Ryan ... Ryan." Echoed in my own whisper as his cock began to move inside me, easing in and out, taking his time, enjoying me, each long slide reverberating through me, bringing a sobbing gasp or a soft moan from my lips as I clung to him, as I surrendered myself to Ryan, to my big brother. To my love.

Pure pleasure washing through me as he moved on me, as he rode me, as he took his pleasure with me and brought that raw ecstasy to me and I wasn't thinking anymore, I was absorbing. I was feeling.

"On the floor," I moaned at last, drawing my knees back, my hands reaching down to his butt, holding him, feeling his muscles tense as he thrust into me, looking up at his face above mine as his cock filled me. "I want it hard, Ryan, I want you to fuck me hard so I'm sore in the morning, so I can feel what you did to me and remember it."

He smiled, moving inside me, thrusting up inside me again so that I shuddered with pleasure. How could it possibly feel better than what he was doing to me now, but I knew it could and I wanted that too.

"Everything," I moaned, clinging to him, his weight crushing down on my breasts, his legs spreading me so wide for his cock to take me. "Give me everything."

"Ooooooh." I gasped as he withdrew completely from me.

"On the floor, Ashlee, kneel for me." He was rolling of me, onto my bed, off my bed onto the floor. Onto the rug beside my bed. I scrambled after him, frantic with my need, my excitement, my desire to give my body to Ryan. To my love. Onto my knees in front of him, turning, on my hands and knees, shivering with anticipation as he moved in behind me, one hand caressing my butt. "God, I love looking at you, you're so hot, sis. You're butt's so cute"

"Ohhhhhhhhh." I wiggled my butt at him as one fingertip ran in a circle over my labia where I was so open and wetly ready for him. Already opened by his cock, wanting him back inside me.

"I want to fuck you hard, sis," he breathed, his finger slipping into me so that I sucked in my breath, my fingers clutching at the rug.

"Yes," I shivered, "Fuck me, Ryan. Fuck me as hard as you want.... Please."

"I like it when you say please." His voice was low, husky. He pushed two fingers inside me.

"Please," I moaned, "ohhhh please Ryan, please. Hard. Give it to me hard."

His cock filled me, his hands grasping my hips, holding me as he rammed himself completely into me in one hard thrust that buried his length in me.

"Uuunh!" And again. "Uuunh!" A kaleidoscope of colors dancing inside my head as he rammed himself into me again and again, hard unforgiving strokes, battering my body exquisitely, my breasts quivering like jello as he took me. Hard? He'd never done it to me hard like this before and it was almost painful. Almost. I buried my face in the pillow, biting it to muffle the noises I couldn't help making, clutching at it as I knelt for Ryan. As he knelt behind me, his hands holding my hips so tight, pulling me back on him as his cock slid into me so deeply. Again and again and again. His hands, holding me, his thumbs across my butt. I could feel them, pulling at my butt.

"Ashlee." So much desire. So much need. "I want you ... I want everything you have to give me."

"Anything," I moaned. "Anything you want to do to me, Ryan. I'm yours ... I'm yours..." And I was, I knew. I was his. I was Ryan's, body and soul. Heart and mind. Anything and everything, anyway he wanted to take me and I moaned and pushed myself back onto him, feeling his cock sliding inwards, feeling my body's shuddering need for him, feeling his urgency as he thrust himself deep into me, my back arching as he filled me.

Again and again and again. Hard thrusts, my moans and cries muffled by the pillow. Each of his thrusts battered my body exquisitely, unforgivingly, hard. Welcome. My breasts quivered with each of those thrusts, my body jolted, his pelvis slapped up against my butt and the backs of my thighs, his fingers dug into me almost painfully. My sex made those wet wet noises and it went on and on and on until I couldn't think straight. I couldn't think at all, mind a kaleidoscope of sensations, my body a mass of feelings that grew and grew and grew until it was all I could do not to scream and wail out loud.

"Now, Ashlee, now...I can't wait any more.. . I've got to .... I've got to," he groaned, stroking even harder. So hard. Brutally hard. Pulverizingly hard. Impaling me. Glorious welcome impalement.

"Yes. ... yes ... yes," I choked out, eyes wild, biting on the panties that I'd stuffed into my mouth to muffle the noises I was making, groaning, sobbing, choked off cries, clawing at the rug I knelt on, wanting him so much. That pulsing pleasure building inside me as he took me, feeling Ryan's urgency, knowing his control was gone and he was almost there and wanting him to finish in me. Wanting him to take his pleasure, find his satisfaction in me. Cum in me. Wanting that so much.

"Ashlee," he groaned, fingers digging into my hips, body slapping up hard against me where we joined. Where he piston his rigid length into me again and again. "Ashlee .... Ashlee..."

"Yes," I choked out, spitting my panties out now, pushing myself back on him, squeezing him tight as he moved urgently in me. "Do it Ryan ... finish in me now ... now ...I want it now, Ryan ... give it to me... give it to me..,"

"Ashlee..." He groaned. "Oh god, Ashlee." One last hard thrust and he was cumming inside me. His cock throbbing, pulsing against my inner walls, feeling as if he was ramming himself all the way through me and I wanted it so much as he spurted inside me, his culmination flooding me. His cum exploding into me in long hot jets, spurt after spurt inside me, filling me, feeling his cock pumping his cum into me, luxuriating in the feel of his culmination inside me and then we were both collapsing forward onto the floor, his weight on me, his arms around me, his breath hot on the side of my face as his body jerked against mine one last time.

We lay there, panting, moaning, joined together, his warmth and his arms cocooning me for long minutes. His weight on me, on my back, his cock still inside me, my legs stretched painfully wide as he lay between them. I felt powerless, possessed and loved all at once, an exquisite feeling of being wanted, of belonging.

"I love you Ashlee," Ryan breathed in my ear, one of his hands brushing my hair away from my face as I turned my head sideways to I could see him above me, looking down at me. "I love you so much."

My soft sigh of happiness brought a smile to his face. "I'm so happy," I breathed, "I'm so happy we found each other, Ryan. I love you so very much. I just want to be with you always."

"Me too," he kissed my ear, my cheek. "God, I wish I didn't have to go. I don't want to leave you ever again, Ashlee."

"Mmmmm," I smiled, sliding one hand under me, my fingers finding where we joined, holding him inside me as he slowly softened. I loved feeling him inside me afterwards, lying together, glowing, our bodies still joined. "September," I murmured, "in September we'll be able to be together all the time." Ryan and I. Our own apartment, together. "And we can do this whenever we want."

"Mmmmm." Now it was Ryan's turn to sound happy. We stayed together until at last he stirred, slowly slid from me, leaving me empty. Bereft. Lifting his weight from me, kissing me as I moaned quietly, missing him inside me the instat he was no longer in me. His hands, so strong, lifting me easily, placing me back in my bed, drawing my duvet over me, tucking me in as I cupped myself with one hand, wanting to keep him inside me until the morning came.

"I love you, Ashlee." He gave me a last kiss as I curled up in my bed where he'd placed me, where he'd covered me with my duvet. "Can I take these?" He held up the little black lace panties I'd been wearing until he stripped them from me earlier and gagged me with them, stuffing them into my mouth to stifle my moans. I'd worn then especially so that he could strip them from me. That look on his face when he'd seen them. It'd been worth wearing them just for that.

"Love you, Ryan. Take them." I giggled. "I want to watch you jerk off into them tomorrow night, okay. I'm going to miss you so much." I so wished he wasn't going, but the Christmas break was over. I'd see him again in a few weeks. In February.

"Ashlee, I'll miss you so much, little sis." I liked it that he still called me his sis. Not only Ashlee. It was like belonging twice, like being loved twice over. I liked the way that made me feel. Loved that feeling of belonging at last. Of really belonging. Of belonging to Ryan. A last kiss, his hand cupping my breast for a long moment as our mouths possessed each others.

"Drive safe," I breathed.

"Love you, Ashlee," breathed one last time and then he was gone, slipping out of my bedroom, tiptoeing down the hallway into his own room to dress before he eased himself out of the house for the long drive back to College.

In September, it'd be our College. We could be together without the need to conceal anything. Our own apartment. Ryan and me. I was so looking forward to that. We'd work something out. I was adopted, not his real sister. There'd be something we could do, I was so sure. Mom and Dad might not approve, but in the end Ryan and I, we'd be together. We'd make it work. We'd be together for the rest of our lives. Marriage. Kids. The whole thing. It'd work out somehow. There had to be something we could do to make this work. I was so sure of that.

Finally, for the first time in my life, I knew I belonged. Really belonged. I knew I was smiling as I fell asleep, glowing with his love, wrapped in a cocoon of newfound security. Knowing I meant so much to Ryan. That he meant so much to me. That we were meant for each other. I didn't hear him leave.

* * *

The doorbell chimed, waking me. The door opened, voices floated up the stairs while I wondered sleepily who'd be coming round so early. My heart leapt at Mom's voice, suddenly wailing, frightening me. What had happened? Bolting out of bed, I scrambled into shorts and a t-shirt, ran downstairs to the kitchen. Mom sitting on a chair. A policewoman next to her, her arm around her. A policeman standing in the doorway with that look that said he wasn't enjoying himself.

"What's wrong? What's happened?" I looked from Mom to the policewoman and back.

"It's Ryan," Mom sobbed, her face white, suddenly so old as she looked blindly at me. "He's ... he's ....oh God, why Ryan? Why?" She collapsed face down on the kitchen table.

The policewoman looked up at me, he arm around Mom. "Is there anyone who can help? Friends? Relatives?"

"Mrs Noble. She lives next door. Number fifteen," I said, blankly. "What's happened?"

The policeman turned and left, my Mom wailed and sobbed. The policewoman looking at me with a look that brought dread to my heart. Understanding came after a long moment as I listened to her words, not wanting to hear them but hearing them nonetheless. Hearing and dissolving into my own tears.

Mrs. Noble from next door came over with the policeman, called Dad. Called Uncle Jim and Auntie Beth, called the Minister from our Church. The next hours were horrific. A morning burnt into my memories forever. Mom wailing and sobbing. Dad arriving home, the Minister from our Church turning up, Uncle Jim and Auntie Beth arriving. Slowly finding out what had happened. A pileup on the freeway. Ryan's car hit by a tractor trailer. Dead on impact.

It'd been sudden, the police said. He wouldn't have even known what had happened they said. But how did they know that? They hadn't been there. They couldn't have know. Mom couldn't stop crying. Dad was in shock. I sat there speechless, shaking, tears flowing in a silent river down my face. It was Uncle Jim that took charge. Eventually the police left. I headed up to my bedroom to get dressed, trembling. In shock myself. Ryan was gone? He wasn't coming back? Ever?

That sense of completely belonging at last, that feeling that I'd had only hours before, annihilated in an instant.

In my bathroom, I showered and dried myself without even thinking, my mind a complete blank right up until I was about to pop that morning after pill into my mouth and swallow it. I looked at that little package, looked at it and I knew that Ryan was still inside me. That this was the worst time of my cycle not to take the contents of that little package. I looked and I knew Ryan wasn't coming back and I died. I just died inside, collapsing to the floor of my bathroom, sobbing, my head in my hands. Desolated. There was nothing I could do to bring him back, nothing at all. Everything we'd talked about, everything we'd planned together, all gone. Ended.

Vanished as if it had never been.

But there was one thing I could do. I emptied that little package down the toilet, flushed it away. Dropped the packaging in the garbage. Dressed and went downstairs to join my parents, hearing my Dad's sobs, my Mom crying. Uncle Jim and the Minister on the phone. Standing there in someone else's body, no longer taking in what was happening. Unable to accept that Ryan was gone, not wanting to believe it.

* * *

Two days later at the funeral home, I arrived early. This couldn't be happening. It couldn't. The unfairness of it all tore at me, whipped at me, shredded my soul into tormented fragments. Lee drove me, waited outside for me while I had my own time alone with Ryan. He lay there, in the casket, eyes closed, his lips with that quirky almost smile he had when he wasn't laughing. For a moment, seeing him, I was sure he was just asleep. Any moment now he'd sit up and laugh, tell me it was all just a bad joke, tell me that it wasn't real. I stood there, looking down at him, in a daze, watching, waiting, not wanting to believe he was gone.

I watched and I waited but nothing happened. He lay there, unmoving, as if he were asleep.

I stroked his cheek with my hand. His skin so stiff, so cold. I leaned over, kissed him, just once. One last kiss. On his lips. Those lips that had explored my body so recently. Lips that two days ago had been so passionate, so warm, so full of life. Now frozen, unmoving, unresponsive. I looked and I knew. This wasn't Ryan anymore, this was his shell. A lifeless shell that Ryan had departed from, leaving me all alone once more. Before the tears came again, I slid a piece of paper into the casket, folded that little note I'd written for him into his hand. I wanted that message from me to be with him for all of time.

"It may be a lifetime before I see you again, but wherever you are, Ryan, I love you. Wherever you are, please wait for me. Please look for me. Please don't forget me, Ryan. Please don't forget our love because no matter what, one day I'll come to you. I will, and we'll be together again until the end of time. I love you so much, Ryan. I'll always love you ... Ashlee."

My tears came then, trickling down my cheeks. There was one more thing I needed to do while we were alone together for the very last time. Alone together until it was my turn to come to him wherever he was, wherever he might be. I reached into my handbag, retrieved the balled up panties of black lace that had been in his bag in the car when he'd crashed, the little lace panties that I'd given him to take back to College with him.

We wouldn't be skyping anymore now, we wouldn't be talking and teasing and satisfying each other. He wouldn't be jerking off into those panties while I watched him and played with myself for his eyes, for his enjoyment. We wouldn't be moving in together in September. But the gift of those panties had meant so much to him, had excited him so much. Wherever he was now, wherever he went, I wanted those panties to be with him until I joined him.

All through the funeral service, I sat there, not taking in a thing, knowing only that Ryan had left me. We'd just found each other and for a moment in time I'd really truly belonged. Now I was alone again. Lost and so very alone. The service came to an end, they carried him out. We followed to the cemetery. I watched as he was lowered into that hole in the ground, the soil shovelled in. It was only then, standing there with tears pouring down my cheeks, that I finally accepted that Ryan was gone. The full desolation of my loss hit me, collapsing me into Lee's arms.

* * *

Four weeks later I sat in my bathroom looking at the little test strip. I was. It said I was. God, what was I going to do? But I already knew. Nothing. I was going to do absolutely nothing except wait. If I was, at least something of Ryan would be with me. Something real. Not just memories. Something more tangible.

Another month and I was sure. I'd missed two periods now. The test results were the same. Positive. Now I was certain. Ryan's baby. I was going to have Ryan's baby. All I needed to do was keep what was happening secret until it was too late for anyone to do anything about it. I sat there, hugging myself, feeling the changes in my body already, feeling joy now as well as sadness. Terrified. Elated. But overriding everything there was that sense of desolation and loss and of being so alone.

I'd have to tell Mom and Dad eventually. When the time came, when I couldn't hide what was happening any longer, I'd tell them. I would. They deserved to know the truth. They'd never lied to me. I wouldn't lie to them. I had no idea how they'd react or what I would do then, none at all. But at least our baby, Ryan's and my baby, our baby, would be with me and no matter what, I knew I was keeping my baby. Our baby.

One morning a week later I found myself throwing up. I managed to conceal my morning sickness. Managed to conceal everything from Mom and Dad, from my friends, from Lee, from everyone. For four months. Right up until that late June morning right after those last exams when I threw up before blurting out the truth to my Mom and fainting.

Bumping around. Voices. Lifted. Vomiting. Moving. Darkness. Sirens. People rushing around me. Dizzy. Everything spinning. Nausea. More voices. Lots of them. So cold. I took a deep breath. Something on my face. A mask? Cool air? The darkness took me again, welcome darkness.

"She's coming round." I didn't recognize the voice. My eyes opened. I was in bed. Things taped to me. Needles and tubes sticking into my arm. Beeping machines next to my head. Lying in a strange room? All pale blue and white. Antiseptic smell. Air-conditioned chill. I closed my eyes again, let the darkness once more fold me into its welcoming embrace.

A soft gentle hand holding mine. Mom's voice. "Ashlee? Ashlee?"

My own voice, so weak, a whisper. "Mom?"

"You're okay honey, you're in hospital. They want to keep you here for today and tonight, maybe a little longer."

"Is my baby okay?" That was all I could think about, my free hand, that one that wasn't attached to anything, stroking, soothing, feeling my baby restless inside me. Feeling my baby move, a vast relief washed over me; my baby was still there, still safe.

A new face, one I didn't know, looking down at me. "Your baby's fine, Ashlee." A nurse, leaning over me. "We want to monitor you overnight and tomorrow, maybe a little longer. The Doctor wanted to make sure you were fine before you go home. Now you just stay quiet and rest, your Mom's staying with you here. Press the buzzer there if you need anything or you need to go to the washroom, okay? Lunch'll be coming soon and you need to eat it. You haven't been eating nearly enough and you were dehydrated as well. The Doctor'll be coming to check on you again later this afternoon, then we've got the dietician coming in to talk to you tomorrow morning about your diet and the obstetrician's coming by for another check in the morning and to talk to you about follow-ups. I'll be back in another hour to check on you. I'm Maggie."

I nodded, watched her leave. Wondering how I could eat possibly anything. I didn't feel hungry at all. Just thinking about eating, I felt queasy again.

"Dad's out getting lunch honey, I'm staying with you today and tonight." Mom squeezed my hand. "Dad's coming back in for this evening and he'll come back to pick us up and take us all home tomorrow after they say you can come home." Mom leaned over, kissed my forehead.

"I'm keeping our baby," I whispered, panicking. "Nobody's taking my baby away from me."

Mom squeezed my hand. "Nobody will, Ashlee. Dad and I, we understand what that baby means to you." When I looked into her eyes, I knew that she did. She really did. "We love you honey, you and your baby are coming home with us, don't you worry. You're our little girl, Ashlee, nothing will ever change that. Nothing."

The fear I'd felt for months lifted from my shoulders, leaving me floating. I hadn't known how heavy that weight had been until it vanished.

"Mom?" I wanted to cry again. I wanted her to hold me. I hadn't wanted to hurt her and Dad. I wanted her forgiveness for what I'd done. What Ryan and I had done. Mom knew that, I could see her face, read the expression there. I knew she understood what I was asking even if I couldn't put in into words. Not right now. Maybe not ever.

She leaned over me where I lay in bed. "Honey, what you and Ryan did, that's between the two of you and Ryan's gone now, he's left us and you're all we have left." She had tears in her eyes as she stroked my forehead, brushed my hair away from my face the way she had when I was little and I'd hurt myself and come running to her. Mom had always loved stroking my hair, brushing my hair for me. She'd sit me on her lap while she told me everything was going to be alright and stroke my forehead and brush my hair back just like that. Now, when she did that, I knew everything was going to be alright.

"I won't say what you two did was right or wrong, and we understand why you kept it a secret so long, honey. What's done is done and you're going to have Ryan's baby and we're your Mom and Dad and we love you and we'll love yours and Ryan's baby just as much as we love you and we loved Ryan and we're here for you, honey. We're always here for you, Ashlee, no matter what."

For a moment I couldn't speak. Then I could, but all I could manage was "Thanks, Mom."

Words couldn't convey how much that meant to me. I squeezed Mom's hand, closed my eyes. Exhausted.

I thought I heard her whisper. "We love you Ashlee, we love you so much and you're giving us Ryan's child now as well, you're giving us our grandchild, how couldn't we love you. Sleep now, honey, I'll be here with you."

But I couldn't be sure that was what she'd said, I was so tired. So very tired. I squeezed Mom's hand again, just a little squeeze.

I slept.

* * *

I looked at Ryan's photo on my bedside table. Smiling, his hair its usual mess. I looked at his photo and I felt our baby inside me stirring, moving. My hand circled, stroking, soothing him, feeling him relax, quieten. In another week or two he'd be born. It was September and little Ryan would be my September baby.

September, a month that I knew would always, now and forever, remind me of Ryan. Of life and death. Of love and loss. A happy month. A sad month. A blue month. September blue.

Ryan was gone, but something of him remained. Something of him would live on, a living symbol and memory of our love and what it had meant for both of us. We'd been blessed with those brief moments' together. Those all to brief days and nights of pure happiness, of shared joy, of love. Two months of love that had started with that one special night, that Halloween night that I'd never forget. Never until the day I died. Two months that had ended with that last night together, that night when he'd both left me forever and given me his baby. Our baby.

Our baby boy. That last ultrasound had been so definite. Our baby was a boy.

I'd already started calling him by the name he'd be given when he was born. Ryan.

Mom knocked on my bedroom door. "Ashlee. Time to get up dear, we've got to be at the clinic for the check-up and the ultrasound in an hour and a half."

"Coming, Mom." I eased myself out of bed, waddling towards my bathroom. I waddled everywhere now. Little Ryan wasn't so little anymore. Already he was taking after his father and his grandfather. Soothing him with my hand. He didn't like it when I walked around. He kicked. Hard. I felt those kicks. Every one of them.

He was still kicking when I walked into the kitchen half an hour later.

"Feel little Ryan, Dad," I said, smiling. "He's really working out this morning."

"Feel him? Jeez Ashlee, you can see the little guy." Dad rested his hand on me, feeling those little feet kicking so hard. His smile as happy as mine, his eyes no longer sad.

"He'll be a football player like his Dad and his Granddad," I said. "You're going to have to teach him."

"Looking forward to it, Ashlee." Dad gave my forehead a quick kiss. "Oh, and Lee called, asked if you'd like to watch a movie with him tonight."

"I'll call him after we get back," I said. "Would it be alright if he comes round here? I don't really feel up to going out."

"Invite him over for dinner, honey," Mom called from the pantry.

"That young man eats like a horse," Dad complained.

I giggled. "You're just worried he's going to eat your seconds before you can get to them."

Dad laughed. He was laughing more now. We all were.

Life goes on. Sometimes late at night, lying in bed by myself, I think I'd rather be with Ryan, wherever he is. I'd rather be with Ryan than be here, alone, without him. But that's just the occasional thought now. I have little Ryan to think of. I have little Ryan to live for. He's going to need me to be strong for him and I will be. I promise myself that every night. Promise myself that I'll be strong for our little boy. I'm all that he has and he's all that remains of my Ryan, all that remains of our love. I have to be strong for him, I know that. I'll be alright, I know, though late at night by myself I still cry.

Every night. Alone in my bed, after Mom and Dad are asleep, the tears still come. I feel little Ryan moving in me and I lie there knowing his Daddy will never be there to hold him, to play with him, to love him, to cherish him, to watch him growing up and then the tears come. But tears always dry. Sleep always comes. Pain fades over time. Memories grow dimmer. I'd loved Ryan. I loved him still. That love would always be with me. Always be a part of me.

But I also know Ryan wouldn't want me to sit around mourning him forever. I'm only nineteen. I've got the rest of my life ahead of me. I'm going to take a year out and start my studies at the local College next September. It isn't the best in the State, but I can live at home and Lee studies there. Mom will help take care of little Ryan after she retires next year. Mrs. Noble next door's already retired, she's going to help me out after little Ryan is born.

And Lee? Well, Lee isn't a loser. He likes his fun but he's a nice guy, he's smart and he cares for me more than I'd ever realized back when we were dating. He'd been there for me after Ryan left me, he'd been there for me, not knowing what was happening to me but always so calm, so supportive, so unquestioning over those agonizing months where I'd kept my secret to myself. He'd been there for me, caring for me through those long months of sadness, grief and anxiety, even though, lost in my own grief and fear and desolation, I hadn't been there for him. He was here now when I needed him. That was more than I could say for most of my friends.

After I returned home from hospital I'd told him I was pregnant. I'd told him who the baby's father was. He deserved the truth. He'd been there for me after Ryan left me. He'd been there for me, unquestioning, supporting me through those nightmarish months where I'd concealed my secret from everyone, including him. I'd told him the truth at last, after I got home from the hospital, knowing he'd be horrified and upset with me, knowing he'd abandon me, but also knowing I couldn't lie to him, not now.

He hadn't been upset with me. He hadn't blamed me. He hadn't walked out in disgust or anger. I wouldn't have blamed him if he had but he hadn't. He'd held me. He'd comforted me. He'd talked with me, listened to me. I wasn't sure if he understood but regardless, he'd continued to be there for me. Maybe he loved me. I wasn't sure about that, he hadn't said but I thought to myself now and then that he might. I knew I wasn't ready for anything myself. Not yet. But he was here for me now when I needed someone most of all. I treasured that about him; that he was still here for me; that he'd said he'd be there for me when the baby was born and afterwards. I treasured that even more now that he knew the truth.

I had no idea what the future held for me. For us. But one day soon little Ryan would need a real daddy. Someone to play ball with, somebody to teach him to shoot, take him hiking and swimming, teach him to stand up for himself, to throw a punch, ride a bike, drive a car. Someone to lay down the rules and tell him right from wrong. Someone to give him a little brother or a little sister or perhaps even both. A little brother and a little sister for my baby Ryan to grow up with, to play with. Someone to love his Mommy and for his Mommy to love in turn.

Little Ryan would need a real daddy, not just a sad memory of Mommy's and some old photos.

One day .... one day soon.