The More I Know the Less I Understand

"Well that was unexpected."

"What was?"

I jumped at the unexpected voice of Shiitake.

"How did you get behind me so quietly?"

"I walked. Quietly."

"So you snuck behind me."

"Correct. Now what did you find weird?"

"The ceiling of the cave collapsed. I though stone did not get affected by gravity."

Shiitake looked at me with mild confusion.

"It should not be affected by such forces. Let us see if this event was a fluke."

"Alright."

And so I built a pillar of stone in the middle of the tunnel and broke the bottom.

It stayed floating in the air.

Shiitake went up and punched it.

"Why did you punch it?"

"Testing."

"Testing what?"

"This."

And the floating stone pillar fell to the ground.

I just stood there in stunned silence.

"It appears that the world is changing."

Those words brought me back to my senses.

"Yeah, but why is it changing?"

{Realism.}

"what? Why?"

Shiitake looked at me in confusion but soon realized who/what I was talking to.

{No point in having a game if it kept the same rules forever.}

"Yeah but this is going to make my life harder. I'm supposed to save the world, remember?"

{We do, but we decided that this would be helpful in the long run.}

"How?"

{More things to use to attack.}

"Yeah, but my enemies can use it to their advantage as well."

{But you are more intelligent, so you will be able to use the terrain better.}

"Still doesn't justify why you really did it."

{Alright. We were bored and started messing around with physics.}

"You get bored waaaaay too easily."

{It is the flaw of an omnipotent being. We must always seek to find something new to see.}

"It's a bit more than a flaw in my opinion, but you are an 'omnipotent' being for a reason. Too bad you can't fix your mistakes."

{We do not make mistakes.}

"Whatever you say. Anyways, Shiitake, We should get out of this cave."

"Finally. I thought you had forgotten about me during your little argument with the 'Gods'."

"They are the Gods, and I am not insane."

"I never said you were."

"You were thinking it though."

"Do not assume that I will call you insane behind your back. If I were to call you insane, I would say it to your face."

"So you DO think I am insane!"

"I have yet to call you insane. You assume that people believe you are insane."

"I'm never getting a precise answer, am I?"

"You may or may not, depending on my mood."

"I'll take that as a no, so let's just go to my home."

"Alright."

And so we looked into my magic mirror to get teleported to my home.

As soon as we arrived, I thought about the new houses I am going to have to make for all the new residents.

'I have a lot of work to do. But first, LOOT!'

{You have an unhealthy obsession with opening bags.}

'I only have a gambling addiction. You never know what you're going to get.'

After thinking that to the Gods, I sent Shiitake off to explore the surroundings on his own and took out the bag I took from the corpse of Crabulon.

'And now for my favorite part of the day: Lootboxes.'

{Bags.}

'Semantics.'

{You're using the word wrong.}

'I could care less.'

{Then care more instead.}

'Nah. Loot comes before any care.'

And so I reached in and pulled out the first object.

It was a bright blue mushroom root?

'What the hell is this thing? It's gross.'

{Eat it.}

'No.'

{You gotta. It's useful. Just look at it.}

And so I did.

[Mushroom Plasma Root

Permanently makes rage mode deal 15% more damage]

'There's a rage mode?'

{Yeah, but you have to be really angry.}

'Well I rarely ever get angry, but it will come in handy someday.'

And so I just put the whole thing in my mouth and started chewing.

It disintegrated and tasted like blueberries.

'Of all flavors, why blueberry?'

{It's blue, so the flavor's blue as well.}

'But blueberries are everything but blue. They are literally green and purple inside. Only the skin is blue.'

{Yes but it has blue in the name.}

'I give up. Your reasoning is weird, and weird reasoning is hard to rationalize. On to the next item.'

I reached in once more and pulled out a chunk of mushroom.

'Ew. Why is there a piece of Crabulon in the bag?'

And then it started floating.

'Of course, it flies, it wouldn't make sense otherwise.'

{What did you expect, for it to start rolling away?}

'That sounds more reasonable than just flying!'

I looked at the chunk of mushroom crab flesh and grimaced at the thought of what it was part of.

[Fungal Clump

Summons a fungal clump to fight for you

The clump latches onto enemies and steals their life for you]

'Oh. Well, it didn't really summon one but instead became the summon.'

{Still useful for something.}

'I guess it is. Item number 3!'

And I reached in once more.

This time I pulled out a... A gun.

'Why the f*** would I get a gun from a crab?'

{Maybe it liked guns?}

'It was a CRAB!'

I decided that I should just look at what it was.

[Fungicide

11 damage

4% critical chance

Very fast speed

Very weak knockback

14 velocity

Shoots fungus bullets that split on death]

'Oh. This might have been one of the Truffles' weapons, actually. That would explain the fungus in the name.'

I was too interested in the other loot to actually contemplate the state of the previous owner, so I reached into the bag once more.

And pulled out a pair of claws.

'Okay, why is everything I pull out of this bag so weird?'

{Because the animal you killed was weird?}

'Fair enough. Now to figure out what the hell this is.'

[Mycelial Claws

14 damage

4% critical chance

Insanely fast speed

Weak knockback]

'Well this seems pretty useful if I want to get into an extremely close range fight. If I ever actually want to, that is.

I did in the past, and I always will want to beat something up at a ridiculous speed.

'With how weird these items are, I wouldn't doubt if someone said that there was a weapon that could turn me into a stand.'

{Not in this universe at least.}

'Of course, there's one in another reality. How could I have not thought of that? On to the next item!'

I reached into the bag and pulled out another item, right before the bag disappeared.

'Aw, I was hoping for more items.'

{You're a little too greedy for items.}

'Call it a character flaw.'

{Alright.}

'Now let's see what I got.'

And the final item was a... Another root. But this one had some mushroom caps attached to it as well.

I looked at what it was.

[Mycoroot

10 damage

4% critical chance

insanely fast speed

Very weak knockback

20 velocity

Fires a stream of short-range fungal roots]

'This seems cool. Let's test it out.'

And so I threw it.

It flew about 1 foot and another 'dagger' reappeared in my hand while the first flew until it reached about 7 feet away.

'Wow, that really is a short range.'

I then remembered the main reason I even found the cave and got the bag: Isaac.

I looked around the houses before I found the old man and handed him all the mushrooms I collected.

Isaac thanked me for my help and we went our separate ways for the rest of the day.

And I spent the rest of the day just lazing around.

That was how the rather calm day ended.