Chapter 6 - Repercussions

Ludicrous... Absolutely ludicrous.

And it was. Very much so. Yet also, very real.

One after the other, an appalling discovery after the next. All within the period of a single moonlit sky. Maddening can only stretch so far until it reaches the peak of absolute insanity. A roller coaster of revelations, one that he couldn't seem to disembark, no matter how colossal his yearning may be to do so.

His eyes stung, watering with irritation, and only managed to tear away his gaze long enough to wipe them away with his sleeve, simply just to stare again. Hypnotized, by the luminous glow in his hand. Captivated, by the contents displayed inside of a small rectangular screen. The dark hallway adding to the ominous, unnerving atmosphere that suddenly befell upon the small cozy home of a generous family.

Rigid, paralyzed; disturbingly reminiscent of the numbing, terrifying sensation that was being frozen. His thumb felt stiff, tapping the downwards keypad, scrolling down the seemingly endless list of missed messages and voicemails, each one tightening the already straining knot that somehow had manifested itself inside his chest.

"How is this possible?" Subaru heard himself say.

Ever since he had awoken inside of that sewer, he found himself reiterating the same question over and over again, never seeming to find an answer in most cases. But unlike the rest of them, this question was one, he didn't feel like finding out the answer to straightaway.

Once the shock had subsided, all that was left was the overpowering curiosity. He had reached the oldest-newest message in his inbox, thumb resting on the button encased inside the directional pads. It was from his dad. A distinct image of a man in his early forties, embrued itself in his mind's eye, clinging itself into his subconscious with the intent of never letting go. Latching onto him, like a parasite meaning only to do harm.

With the appearance of the man came the details that segregated him from the lineaments of many other noticeable individuals he had crossed paths within his life. From the short black hair that resembled very much Subaru, to his facial appearance. Chiseled and unlined, rugged and handsome in texture, playing well the part of a much aged Subaru, except bearing glasses that highlighted his black fearless eyes, along with a sculpted, very well-built physique that earned him email addresses in abundance from giggling herds of hopeful high school girls. Culminating together, to embody the form of a ferocious lion, despite his lax and mostly playful, offhand attitude.

Subaru was still staring, looking at it, as he never had before. All this time... How long had he had these messages for? And, Does he dare lend an ear to the voices he resolved, long after he came to this world, never to revive again in his thoughts?

The answer came to him in a heartbeat, as if purely on instinct. He took a step backward, slamming against the door, his free hand, hastily grasping air multiple times before grabbing hold of the doorknob, twisting it open, entering, and closing it shut.

As he stepped into the room, he only had time to give it a quick glance through before reverting his undivided attention back onto the phone. In that hurried peek he saw, a small modest space, furnished by a small unmade bed occupying an area in the middle. A bedside table with a book laid sprawled open right beside it. At the other end of the room was a leaded window, squarish and short in size, masked by curtains hanging lifelessly above it, except for a small slit in the middle that allowed a hint of moonlight to filter through, shimmering dust particles swaying slowly in the shine.

Still gazing attentively at his phone, Subaru scampered his way onto the bed, neglecting to remove his sneakers as he laid his feet against the footboard. He sat upright, inclined, his head resting on the headboard.

For a long while, he was motionless, though his thumb urged itself downwards every few seconds, the voicemail remains yet to be opened. Truth be told, he was afraid... listening to this means to acknowledge his disappearance from their lives. And there we so many... so many missed messages, missed words. How long did they look, he wondered, till they finally gave up on him? Until they finally realized that the void in their lives will always remain empty? And what words did they have for him, after failing to come home from a quick trip into a convenience store?

Only one way to find out...

Slowly, he applied a small bit of pressure on the button and felt a tiny exerted click around the skin of his thumbs. A moment later, with his breath kept inhaled, a voice sounded, sourcing from the tiny little speaker built into the device, blaring a tone that was unconcerned, loud and cheerful, assailing the quietness of the night that was so well preserved, saying,

"Subaru? You there? Well, you ain't answering your phone so I guess not. Anyways, I just called cause It's time you got a lecturing, boy. How many times do I have to tell you to inform us if you're staying out? Wait... you don't go out anyway... But even so! You still have to tell us when you do! We'll celebrate and everything! Honestly, your mother came back with beef y'know? It's your loss your missing out on the beefsteak, I'm eating your share and you can't-- Ow! Okay! Fine... Your mother said your share is in the fridge, heat it up when you come back. Oh yeah, be sure to text me when you're coming back, can't really train without a wrestling buddy."

It was a while before Subaru realized the message had ended. He felt strange in a way... Something as normal as a voicemail felt more alien to him than something as unreal as ground dragons, magic, demons, and mabeasts. Yet at the same time, it felt so familiar, like riding a bike after a few years of not doing so.

Unsettled, Subaru clicked upwards and selected the next voicemail. This time a soft-spoken feminine voice came to gently greet the silent ambiance, emanating a manner that implied worry and great distress, saying,

"Hello? Subaru? If you get this, please call me back as soon as possible. It's been two days already, what's keeping you? I tried calling your school and they said you were absent today and yesterday. No note, no text... I know your Dad said not to worry, you're probably with a friend, or your battery is dead or you have no signal, or maybe something else... But the thing is, I do worry. That's what mothers are made to do, and when we came back and you weren't home, I panicked because you're always home and so I...-"

The voice kept going on and on, voicing its concern and paranoia in great detail. A small snort of amusement came out of Subaru and a smile, one of joy or sorrow, he didn't know, formed on his face.

A scene illustrating a woman pacing up and down a corridor with a phone affixed to one ear, started playing out in his head. If his dad was a mighty lion, then his mother was a lone wolf. Her oval-shaped face, that bore the infamous "evil gaze" that he had acquired, now forming an expression void of any form malice and instead filled with apprehension. One hand nervously twirling her coffee-colored hair, tied into a ponytail that rested on her shoulder. The yellow apron she donned outside of her clothes, covering her slender figure, stained from cooking.

Once again, Subaru smiled at the thought of this, but at the same time, a heavy burden weighed heavily in his heart, a huge rush of emotion came crashing down on him, like a tsunami slamming into a building, and his eyes started to glisten under the luminescence of the moon. It wasn't long before his face began to burn as the message reaches its conclusion.

"-Anyway, I just want you to know that I love you, alright? Be safe, don't get into trouble and come home soon, okay? And remember to call me back. Bye."

Selecting and reading the immeasurable amount of text messages proved difficult to do so under his blurred, watery vision. Messages like:

-Where are you? Please come home soon.

-We talked to the police... Did you run away? Please answer us.

-A missing person report was filed. Tell us you aren't dead, please.

Only added further into the bitterness he felt. He let the tears fall, damping his shirt, not bothering to wipe the trails of water away from his cheeks. Something inside of him was howling, a voice, lamenting the despair he felt, the sadness. He reached another voicemail and played it.

It was from his Dad. This time, however, his voice no longer carried itself with the confidence and liveliness it did before, instead, it was hollow, quiet, disbelieving in a way, as if the notion of his son being missing hadn't really struck in quite yet.

"The police told us to keep in touch with you, just in case you respond. Heh, I was going to do so anyway even if they didn't tell me that. I contacted the neighborhood, your mom spoke to the school... hopefully they'll be able to find you, even if you are..... Well, I'm going to be frank with you Subaru. It's hard living without you. Your mom and I... Did we? I mean--have we? I mean maybe we did something. We don't know why you would just up and leave and so I thought... Did we do something to upset you? Ah man, I'm not good with this--but if we have done something, we're sorry alright? If you tell us what it is, we won't do it again, I swear... Anyway, I have to attend to your mother, been crying her eyes out for the past two weeks now. I try to keep the mood up, but it's hard. You know how she is... everything is always about you to her. Please call back."

Guilt. Subaru finally realized the reason for the aching he felt, what emotion was harboring deep beneath the misery and heartache that threatened to tear him apart from the inside. It was guilt. How could he just nonchalantly decide to forget about his old life? What right did he have to start over anew, while his parents mourn and mope over their missing child?

He was disgusted with himself. All the times he had been enjoyed himself in this world, his parents were suffering in theirs. He was angry, he was furious and he was enraged. A huge part of him wanted to instill pain onto himself, fling himself out the window, beat himself to a pulp, or even stab his arms, anything he could think of to punish himself for his ignorance. But he restrained, barely, his eyes continuing to leak warm bitter tears, as he clenched his teeth up in agony.

"D-Damn... it..." He whimpered, unable to think of anything else to express his sorrow. "Damn it... Damn it... Damn it... Damn it... Damn it... Damn it!"

He wanted to scream, he wanted to shout, he wanted to rip away these emotions he felt, it was as if a raging fire had ignited itself inside him, uncontrollable, inextinguishable. Burning away his insides like paper.

A feeling that intensified further, upon reluctantly continuing his venture across missed calls and messages.

"I caught your mom yesterday.... looking through the photo album. Funny, I never really noticed how much you look just like her. Her brown eyes, her nose... heh, you even glare like her sometimes in the photos. Anyway, she took some pictures of you out and placed them beside the bed... to keep close. Y'know... It's hard. Hearing her cry herself to sleep, clutching your photos. I... I can't do anything about that... I can't help her. Look, I'm not asking for much, but just please... please for the love of God. Let her hear something from you... Let her hear your voice, you don't even have to talk to me... Just let her hear you... one sentence, just one sentence, that's all I ask. It can be anything... "I'm fine" "I'm doing good" or "I love you" anything... just stop her crying... It hurts to hear... hurts to see. I can't stand it anymore. That's it. That's all for now... Be sure to call back alright? See you."

He let a few more play out and read even more messages. It was hard to tell how much time had passed. But after what seemed like the hundredth message, Subaru glanced through blurred vision at the time in his phone and saw that it was ten minutes to five. Beside it indicated two-thirds of his battery life had gone and immediately, a surge of urgency penetrated into his head.

He wasn't even halfway done yet... There was still so much. So much more to read, to listen to. Nonetheless, he needed to stop. If he continued anymore, it may very well be the last time he'll ever hear his parents again.

Sniffling, he resigned himself to one last voicemail, skimming past text messages, dozens at a time, and picked one completely at random, bracing himself for the words he was about to hear. But what came next, he wasn't prepared for.

"Subaru?"

It was his mother. His body tensed and stiffen harder than stone, upon hearing her voice fill the sullenness night that accompanied him all this time. Apart from the second voicemail he opened, this was the only other that belonged to his mother. The rest had been from his father. It'd be an understatement to say that he had been caught off guard by this.

"Are you there? Listen, I'm sorry that I hadn't been contacting you much... You're probably really angry with me, right now. But I'm sure your father was good enough company, you two were always close, so I'm positive you weren't lonely without me."

Something was off, and Subaru knew it. Her voice felt robotic, unnatural and unusually polite. It was as if she was having a normal conversation with him. It was hard detecting any form of longing or grief in her tone, deafen or maybe muted by the casualness of her mannerisms.

"Anyway, a lot has happened since my last call. We renovated the house, painted it up a bit and we finally decided to spruce up the garden. It was all your father's idea and I can tell you this, it kept us really, really busy for months. Oh! Don't worry though! We haven't laid a single finger on your room. So, when you do come back... It'll be just as you left it."

He might have imagined it, but he could almost guarantee picking up a slight waver as she spoke her last sentence. Her deep breath afterward, further strengthened his suspicion.

"Remember the Anime we used to watch together? Well, it just finished airing the season finale last week. The ending was good... but it was also quite sad in my opinion, your Dad liked it but I don't agree as much. Sorry if I spoiled you, but I found it quite depressing, knowing the boy could never return to his world. But at least he still has his friends in the other world to keep him company, and he looked quite happy being there. It made me wonder actually... Are you happy wherever you are? Do you also have friends there to make you smile and laugh? Did you also meet a beautiful girl, like in the Anime? Sorry, sorry... I'm rambling again. It's just... I really miss you, Subaru. I really, really do."

It was no longer just a feeling, her voice was shaking slightly more with each word. A huge intake of breath was heard again, and when she spoke, it was with great effort to continue the façade.

"Anyway, it's April First tomorrow. Normally, people would be thinking up pranks and jokes to play on each other when the time comes. But we both know what that day means to you, right Subaru? I-It's your birthday, Subaru, your birthday..."

The pretense she was trying to pass up was quickly demolished and abandoned. She was whimpering now, at the mention of his birthday, it probably was too much for her. And it was very much true for Subaru too. All this while, tears continue to river down his cheeks in tons, stifling his trembling sobs with a hand, the other mildly shaking the phone in his grasp, which continued its playback without relent.

"I don't know if your father remembered... Maybe he didn't want to remind me. But a mother never forgets. I-I prepared the ingredients. Your cake... You wanted chocolate, right? Well, they didn't have it anymore at the stores I went to... So... is vanilla alright? I know it isn't what you wanted, but I promise to get you something else. A new phone, maybe? You always said how much you wanted a new phone. When you come back, we'll go looking for one, okay? Just... make sure you do come back... How long will you be gone? It's been almost a year, Subaru, how long more? How long until I can see you again? Please... at least tell me this much..."

"Not long more, mom. I'll... I'll come home, I'll see you again. I promise, please stop crying."

It felt silly to reassure an audio recording, but Subaru couldn't help himself. No amount of physical pain can ever compare to this... He spoke without thinking. He didn't even bother to question how it had been almost a year when in reality, he had only arrived here mere months ago.

"I'll... make the cake, as usual, in the morning. But... a part of me feels that you won't be home by then. And... You only turn eighteen once, and I will never forgive myself if you didn't hear me wish you at least. So I'll wish you now, just in case I can't do it tomorrow..."

Another large inhale was taken, and when she was heard again, a gracious melody she sang, filled with such sorrow and loss that was amplified further by the isolation he felt alone in this dark room. Though it was a song he had heard countless of times, enough so that it had become mundane throughout the years, right now, it was anything but that. He was a sobbing mess, hearing his mother sing to him, a song everybody always sings at a yearly occasion.

"Happy birthday to you, Happy birthday to you,

Happy birthday to Subaru-kun. Happy birthday to you."

"Sorry if it sounded terrible. You know I can't sing a tune to save my life. But, I hope you liked it, my son. My dear, dear boy. My Subaru... I love you. I love you so, so much. Always know, that wherever you are, you'll always be in my heart, my soul. Know that I'll be always thinking of you. And as long as you are happy, I will be twice as happy as you are... Even if I can't... Even if I don't sound like it right now. Eat well... Don't mix with the wrong people... And... Stay safe. I love you."