The Abyss

Two weeks had passed since I had awoken from my coma. I hadn't started rehabilitation yet because the doctors didn't want to push me too much after being in a coma for two months. I hadn't come to terms with Amy passing either, I was devastated when Paul told me they had her funeral a week after the crash. Apparently, she died at the crash and no one expected me to survive so they thought it would be best to have the funeral as soon as possible to help with everyone's grieving. It didn't help mine, I was distraught that I didn't get to attend her funeral or say one last goodbye.

It wasn't fair, she was such a kind beautiful person who only thought of others. She didn't deserve to die like this or this young, she was only 32. I did everything I could to try and save her, but it wasn't enough. For the last two weeks all that played through my head was the crash and the thoughts of how I had failed her. She had been the brightness that lit up my life and now she was gone. Now there was no light at the end of the tunnel, no reason to get out of hospital and no light to keep the tendrils of despair from encroaching. The hollowness that I also felt had grown so much stronger and was becoming debilitating.

<Why am I still here? Why did I survive?>

The echo chamber of self-loathing and pure hatred towards myself, life, the universe and god were only interrupted by my daily visits from Paul and the occasional visits from my medical school friends. He brought me news of the outside world and was able to distract me for a few hours. He mentioned that they were going to move me to a rehab ward today and that the Dean of my Medical School was going to drop by and have a chat with me about the rest of the year.

"Hi Zack, we're going to move you to the rehab ward now. I hope your rehab goes well and you get out of here soon" my nurse explained to me as she entered my room with the orderly. She was shorter than most the other nurses and looked far shorter when standing next to the orderly who must have been at least 6'4". She had a pretty and slim face with long brown hair that was tied up in a pony tail, it was hard to tell whether she had a physique that matched her face through the scrubs. The orderly on the other hand had arms bulging with muscles trying to escape his shirt and that wasn't the only thing trying to escape his shirt, there was also the gut bred from many a late-night beer with the boys. He had a rough looking face but gentle eyes that showed his true character and a mighty belly shaking laugh to match. It was somewhat sad to leave my room where I'd spent the last two weeks and had become my makeshift home. It was the only constant in period of life changing chaos.

•

Meanwhile on the outskirts of the Great Omega System of the Omega Kappa galaxy.

A man with shoulder length black hair and unshaven face was lounging slumped in a swivel chair. His feet were clad in dark black tactical boots and they were perched up on control panel below a series of monitors each displaying a different map and readout. Long black pants laced with many pockets, some filled to the brim and others completely empty. He was holding a cup of instant noodles in one hand and a fork and cigarette in the other. He slurped up some noodles from the cup and as he was about to take a drag of his cigarette, he heard a loud beep from one of the monitors. The sudden noise caused him to jolt upright, almost spilling his noodles. He placed the cup down on the control panel and bit down on the cigarette as he examined the monitor that beeped. The monitor was a little dusty and he wiped it somewhat clean. A warning sign was flashing on the screen.

"The fuc…" exclaimed the man as he was looking at the screen. He frantically started typing on the control panel and the other monitors started to fill with a variety of different maps and graphs, one highlighted a blue planet, the third out of eight back from a star. Another showed a spike in an energy chart.

"Surely, it can't be him…" he mumbled to himself, after more frantic typing a massive grin appeared across his rugged face.

"Jon! Come here! I found him!" he shouted.

A large dark-skinned muscle-bound man entered the room.

"Who did you find Keanu?" Jon inquired.

"Eks!, I found Eks!"

"Are you sure?"

"C'mon man, this is what I do. Of course I'm sure!"

"Motherfucker is still alive. Damn that's good to hear. Where is he?"

"He's on this planet" Keanu said as he gestured at the screen showing the highlighted planet. "It's the third planet in the Epsilon 12 system of the Mew Psi galaxy. I picked the signal up through one of my dark space radars. It's a 10-week dark space jump to get there." Keanu explained with great excitement in his voice.

"Well shit, guess it's time for us go get the band back together. Let's jump as soon as we can."

"Already ahead of ya, I'll had the nav comp plotting the jump while we were chatting. We jump in five minutes, so get your shit sorted. The federation will likely pick up the signal soon and we need to beat them there."

"Got it"

With that both men went to work quickly getting the ship sorted for a dark space jump, this meant ensuring that all the ships blast screens were shut and that nothing loose could be flung around cabin during the initial surge. The two men were both veteran warriors and travelers, with this experience they were able to have the ship ready and were strapped in with a minute to spare before the jump. When that minute passed, they felt a massive surge of acceleration and disappeared.

•

The nurse and orderly wheeled me into my new room, I was lucky to be getting a single room. Most other rooms on this ward had four beds, they had decided to keep me separate because I was still recovering from my coma and I may have had a rare cancer that would put me at risk of catching other infections from the other patients. Once I was in my new room, the nurse gave handover of my care to the new nurse and left with a smile and wave. My new nurse was called Monica, she was tall and slender with blonde hair that reached just above her shoulders. She introduced herself and gave me a brief explanation of what my rehab entailed and when we would be starting. Not long after she had left the ward physiotherapist introduced himself, his name was Adam. He was an Asian man with short black hair and judging from the tone of his arms, I'd say he'd be very strong. He seemed nice, he told me that we would start with basic mobilisation program tomorrow and as soon as I was able to freely walk and conduct my daily activities I could go home.

Shortly after Adam left, Paul and another man entered my room.

"Good Afternoon Zack, I'm Dr Charles. I'm the Dean of the Student Affairs. Firstly, I just like to say that I'm very sorry for your loss. It must be an extremely difficult time for you and if there is anything we can do to help please let us know. Secondly, we have been reviewing your situation and we have decided that it would be best for you to take the rest of the year off and start the year over next year." Dr Charles explained with genuine kindness in his eyes.

"Thank you. Will I have to complete the first half of the year again or just the second part?"

"You will need to complete the first half again because it will be covered in your end of year exams and you would be at a disadvantage if it had been over a year since you covered the content in a clinical setting."

"Ok, thank you. It's a little disappointing I must admit, but I think you're right. Is there anything you need me to do?

"Yes, can you please sign these forms saying that you are requesting the rest of the year off and intend to recommence the course next year."

With that I signed the forms and Dr Charles was on his way.

"At least that's one less thing to worry about it" mentioned Paul from his chair in the corner of the room. He had sat down and waited whilst Dr Charles and I were talking.

"This is true, but I worry that without that distraction I may continue to spiral. If I'm being honest, I really don't want to live without Amy. Everything just seems so hopeless" I choked out as the emotions of started to well up.

"Do you think that's what she would want? You to just give up? She always spoke about how inspired she was about your persistence and dedication. Don't prove her wrong."

"I'm trying, but every time I fall asleep, I dream of our last moments and how I failed her" I cried into my hands with tears streaming down my face.

Paul came and sat on the edge of my bed.

"It's going to be Ok, it's going to take time but it's going to be Ok" Paul comforted and put his hand on my shoulder.

•

My physiotherapy sessions started the next day. Since I had broken both my legs in the crash, one especially badly, and I had sustained many other fractures throughout my body, not to mention the countless surgeries, no one expected me to progress far or quickly. Adam started by trying to get me to stand up using a frame and the side of the bed. Given that I had spent the last 10 weeks in bed my legs were expected to be a little uneasy and much weaker, which is why he had the frame. As I stood up, I felt a like my balance was slightly off and I gripped the side of the bed as tightly as I could to stop myself from falling. It only took a few seconds for feeling to dissipate and then I was able to stand properly. When I let go of the bed, I saw a handprint crushed into the bed. <Was that there before? That would take some serious force.> I tried not to think about it too much and focused on the task ahead, there would be plenty of time to figure what was going on later. With the help of Adam and the frame I took a few steps easily before letting go of the frame and continuing to walk. Adam stopped and let me walk by myself, he looked shocked.

"How does it feel? Are you in any pain?" Adam said with a perplexed look on his face.

"It feels fine, like I never stopped" I replied starting to pick up the pace in my walking.

"This is very odd, you shouldn't be able to stand properly yet alone power walk. If you are feeling up to it, try a slight jog."

I slowly picked up my pace until I was jogging, everything felt fine, so I pushed harder and harder until I was practically sprinting. I never felt like I'd moved so fast before or so easily, it felt like the resistance I would normally have to push against was gone.

"Ok, that's enough, don't overdo it. I don't know how you've recovered so quickly, but it's clear you have. As far, as I'm concerned you are alright to go home." Adam said standing there with his hands on his hips and a confused smile.

The medical staff kept me in for another two weeks to run more tests and try and find what was happening to me before they gave up. They told me that they couldn't find anything causing the changes and that other than my increased cell numbers and bone density, there was nothing wrong with me. After I said my goodbyes and thank you to all the nurses and doctors that had looked after me during my staff, Paul picked me up took me home.

Arriving home was one of the most terrifying moments for me. I didn't know how I would react to seeing all of Amy's things and the pictures of us again. At first, the familiar surroundings brought a sense of comfort and ease. It was good to be home, to sit on my own couch, watch my own tv and sleep in my own bed. However, as a couple days past and the excitement of being home had worn off, I started to see everything in the cold light of day. There was no one beside me on our couch, there was no one complaining about the usual isekai harem trash anime I watched and there was no one to cuddle up to me in our bed. These feelings of loneliness and loss were only compounded by the togetherness and happiness represented in all our photos. Every time I saw her smile in a photo I was reminded of that night and how I failed her, every time I saw us together, I felt another crack grow in my heart and the tendrils of despair slowly tighten their grip on me. As the week progressed, I started to leave the lights off throughout the house so I didn't see her, I just couldn't bring myself to take them down. The darkness in the house echoed throughout my heart and the tendrils started to pull me down into the abyss.

<Why I am still here? Why did I survive? I miss her so much…..>

As the darkness took hold and fell deeper into the abyss, I crawled inside a bottle looking for the salvation that comes in the form of forgetting. I drunk myself into a stupor most nights, trying to escape that night. Still I fell deeper. Ever deeper into the abyss. I was now so deep that I could no longer see any light shining through, that was ok, she was my light and now she was gone, I didn't deserve any light.

After a few days of falling, I finally hit the bottom of the abyss. I stumbled to my medical box and took out enough pills of the two medications that I knew would cause certain liver and kidney failure. I collapsed onto our bed after stumbling back to the bedroom, I had one last look at her side of the bed and swallowed all the pills, washing them down with half a bottle of bourbon for good measure.

<Not long now Amy, I'll be with you soon….>

Holding her pillow close, I went to sleep and waited for the darkness to embrace me.