1 Chapter 1

Chapter One: Eleanor

"Art enables us to find ourselves and lose ourselves at the same time." - Thomas Merton.

A lot of people say that we are meant to lose ourselves before we get to know who we are. As a child, I didn't believe them; but as I grew older, I started thinking that maybe they were right after all. Famous people like Mahatma Gandhi, Helen Keller, Theodore Roosevelt, and many others lost themselves before they knew who they were and their life purpose.

I am torn between achieving my dreams and pleasing my parents. I stared at the blank canvas and paintbrushes on the left side of my room and the medical books on the bedside table. I dreamed of having my own art studio and gallery ever since I visited the art exhibit downtown with my parents when I was a child. I remember that day like it was yesterday. I looked around the art exhibit as I pulled myself close to my mother. I was scared to get lost in the crowded place. I followed her wherever she went. I looked at the paintings hanged at the wall, every painting tells a story. However, one painting caught my eye and it was a portrait of a woman and a man kissing under a tree. The orange leaves were on the ground, adding more touch of romance to the painting. Autumn. It was in autumn when this two people shared a kiss. It looks so genuine and raw for me. Even though I was a child, I felt the emotions pouring out of the painting — love and passion.

Art is something unexplainable yet you could feel so many things as you appreciate it. It is something so magical, it could make me feel anger, passion, love, melancholy, and more at the same time. That is why I fell in love with art.

At the age of 7, I started visiting art exhibits more often. My parents supported me. They took me to every exhibit that takes place in our town. I started painting too. I forced them to enroll me in painting classes during the summer. I took all the lessons by heart. Every line, stroke, and curve makes me fall in love with art more and more everyday. I grew fond of mixing different colors to create a new one.

Since then, I have painted a lot of images that are enough to fill my room. Now that I am 18, my parents talked to me about college. I told them that I wanted to major in Arts, they opposed. They wanted me to take up Medicine for college in order to earn more money because according to them, art is something to do for fun and not as a job. I agreed nonetheless, thinking that they were right. As a result, they bought me medical books so that I could read in advance during summer.

I read the books, and learned many information, but I was unhappy. I didn't enjoy learning how to cure diseases, or learning the different names of medications. Studying medicine is one of the hardest majors out there and I salute those who are taking it, but it wasn't for me, that is why I didn't enjoy it.

I spent the whole summer reading the books, trying to find something that could peak my interest and make me decide to pursue in studying it.

I couldn't.

My thoughts were dismissed when I heard a faint knock on my door. I stood up from my bed and fixed it before slipping on a robe and fluffy slippers. When I opened the door, I saw my mother with a small tray for breakfast.

"Good morning darling. I have prepared you a small breakfast to fill your stomach through the morning."

I greet her back with a simple good morning and thank you as I let her in. She sets it down on the bed and I ate quietly as she looked around my room.

My mother is a successful woman. Dressed in a red pencil cut dress and black blazer paired with black pumps, she showcases how she carries herself. She had her dirty blonde hair up in a bun. It wasn't always like this; she told me that she grew up in Pennsylvania joining her father play the piano in gatherings with ambitions of becoming a doctor, which she achieved. She worked hard for it. Getting part-time jobs and a scholarship helped her achieve who she is now. She wanted me to be successful as her and my father. They are both doctors. Her being a cardiologist, and him being a neurologist. They built a hospital in our town along with their friends who are also doctors.

They wanted me to inherit the hospital and continue to run it. However, I didn't want any medicine related job. I wanted to paint, to learn more about the history of art, to meet people with the same passion, and to see paintings from different places.

But I didn't want to disappoint them. That is why I am trying my best to be interested in medicine. I minimized my time doing paintings and read books instead. Maybe if I expose myself in the books, I would become interested in it.

My mother sat down the bed as I took the last bite of my pancakes. I finished drinking my milk and set the tray aside.

"Honey, I wanted to talk to you about something."

She sounds serious. What could have happened?

"Yes, mother. About what?"

"It's about you..." She started. I could feel my heart beating so fast, I am nervous about what she is going to say. Then she continued, "...remember the Joneses?"

"Yes. What about them?"

"Well, as you know, the Joneses are very close to us. We met up yesterday in a coffee shop to have a chat. We thought that you and Fletcher would be a great couple and decided that you two should get married as soon as you both graduate from medical school."

What?!