A Backstory - part 2

"O-oh. Well, I'll still say though, since he seems to be a person you like, why not just go with him and become a couple? Like you said, he's the only one you talk to and trust here."

"I knew you'd ask that. But since he faked those attitudes, I felt really betrayed. I couldn't talk to him after that."

"But what if, you became a couple, and those nice attitudes become permanent because of you? And from what I hear, you don't even know his true personality."

"Well actually, I do think that everyday. The "what ifs" I get every time I remember that is still something that bothers me everyday."

...

Wait.

She's not mad at him?

...

"Wait. So you're saying you regret rejecting him?"

"I don't even know. I feel betrayed, but at the same time I still miss those interactions we had."

"If he did become your boyfriend, he would probably be the nice guy that you liked. I mean, you already liked him, it'll be much easier to get used to stuff."

"I know. I've been thinking about it ever since."

...

So she does have feelings for him.

...

A moment of silence passed by.

...

"Alright. Let's say, Kyle comes back, and professes his love once more, and reveals to you that this nice personality is his true self, would you confess back? And would you want to become a couple?"

"That's a pretty hard question."

"Oh, a smart girl actually having trouble thinking? Is this the mid-season arc already?"

"How much anime have you watched?"

"Yes."

Shaina sighed.

"Well, I think there's a side of me that wants to be with him, and there's a side of me that feels hurt."

...

Honestly, even though I've only met her today, this is unusual to see.

...

"You know what? I'll hold that question for now. I'm not in the mood to think about the answer for that."

We went silent.

...

"Well how about, a guy like him comes around?"

I didn't manage to stop myself. I looked over Shaina.

She looked at me directly, with an emotionless face.

But those eyes seem to see through my bluffs.

...

DAMMIT! I SLIPPED UP! I DIDN'T MEAN TO ASK THAT!

IT'S ALL OVER NOW! SHE'S GONNA FIGURE IT OUT!

...

Shaina smiled.

"Ah, I still don't know about that. I don't think I'll be able to latch on to someone immediately after that."

...

I..

Have lost once again.

I have no idea what should I reply with.

...

Suddenly, my phone vibrated.

...

It's my alarm telling myself to go home.

...

"Ah, you have an alarm for that? Heh, that's kinda funny."

"I try to organize my daily processes."

"Well then, I guess you should be going."

"Hm. Right. Goodbye! I guess we should still be seeing each other tomorrow?" I picked up my bag.

"Haha, yeah. After revealing my backstory like that, I can't just forget about you and never talk to you again, right?"

"Ah, fair point. Well then, I'll be leaving."

"Thank you for the time."

...

I left the room, with a smile on my face.

...

Does she think that I'm doing the same thing as Kyle?

Well, I am, but I wouldn't want her to know that.

But it seems that she already knows.

...

Wait. She didn't push me away, she even lightened up the mood after that.

But I do feel this sense of loss in me. It's like I just got beaten in my own game.

And at the same time, I feel happy.

...

I left the building.

It seems that all the students except for us already left.

But as I thought that--

"Josh! I was just in time."

A familiar voice entered my ear.

...

Why are you still here?

Why do you keep on doing this?

I intended to go home without you.

...

I could simply say those straightforward and mean things to her, but now knowing she has friends, I shouldn't be rude to her to avoid news about me being a rude guy spreading.

I need to make a good impression to these girls.

Aira's not the only one who's gonna be affected from now on, it's also gonna be her friends.

So Josh, continue to act nice.

...

Now that Shaina gave that definition of the word "nice" for her, I don't feel right using it anymore.

...

"Oh, hey Aira! Why are you still here?" I shouted back, in a joyous tone.

"I just wanted to walk home with you."

...

WHY?!

DO YOU STILL WANT TO PLAY WITH MY FEELINGS?!

...

"A-ah, right. Where are your friends though?"

"Hehe, I just told them that I'll be waiting for someone."

...

Alright. Now to kindly push her away, and make her think of her friends, not me.

...

"Won't that displease them? You're about to be in a group of friends, and you're still choosing me?"

"But I'm alright with that."

We left the school.

...

Why is she being stupid?

She could just forget about me, and find happiness with her group!

...

We talked as we walked to our houses.

It was mostly about senseless things.

...

"Hey, Josh, what do you think about these friend groups? You seem to have something against them." Aira looked at me.

"I think they're pretty fun."

"But?"

"Well, I still think there are people in those groups that feel peer pressure among their friends. They get forced into doing things, even if this violated their wishes, just so they can be accepted to this "society"-- Ah, I mean these groups."

"Do you want to be in one?"

"I do feel kinda left out, but I think it's better for someone like me to avoid joining one. I would probably be forced to go on parties, and I don't like that."

"Do you want me to be in one?"

"Hmm.. I guess if it makes you happy, then I'm fine with it. I don't care either way."

I then saw Aira having a satisfied smile.

"Won't you feel lonely? Because I won't be there to hang out with you anymore."

Aira looked at me as if she's anticipating a specific reply from me.

"I'm fine if you forget me anyway. I can bare with myself."

Just as I said that, I heard a small gasp from Aira.

...

Were you surprised by what I said?

Well, I do plan on cutting ties with you.

...

"Ooh, something new. You've been very honest with your thoughts today, Josh. Good for you!"

...

What does that mean?

...

I didn't notice that we're already at the intersection where we separate to our homes.

...

"Well goodbye, Josh! Thank you." Aira waved goodbye as we separated.

I nodded.

...

What is she thanking me for?

Well, whatever.

It seems that she just wanted to have a last walk home with me as she enters her group.

Normally, I'd get mad because she's just gonna forget me and make me feel like I was just used for her own disposal, but I do want her to forget me.

And leave me alone.

I'm done with her, I already lost, and She also seems to be toying with my feelings too.

So goodbye Aira, it's been a wild ride of a failure.

...

I'll still be able to talk with Shaina, so that's something I managed to hold on to.

...

I arrived home, and laid down on my bed.

...

I feel sad.