Secret - 1

January 2016

"How's my baby?" Malambing na tanong ni dad na may alanganing ngiting nakapaskil sa mga labi pagkaraan ng mahabang sandali ng katahimikan na bumabalot sa amin mula pa kaninang dumating ako.

After several times of deliberating with myself if I'll meet dad or not, I ended up calling him to meet me in the coffee shop near the academy after my last class ended. It's been two weeks since the class resume. Kaya kahit na gusto kong ipakilala si Vaughn kay dad ay hindi ko magawa dahil sa dami ng ginagawa nya ngayon. I just send him a message that I'll be meeting someone and he hasn't seen my message when I left the academy.

"Dad naman, don't call me baby. I'm a grown-up woman na." Parang batang maktol ko na lalo lang ikinalawak ng ngiti nya.

Meeting dad now is the best thing that I did. Tila gumaan ang bigat ng pakiramdam ko sa ilang beses kong pag decline sa imbitasyon nila ng bago nyang asawa. Seeing the glow in his eyes whenever he checked his phone is the proof that he's really happy. Klase ng saya na kailanman ay hindi ko pa nakita sa mga mata nya sa tuwing nakikita ko sila ni mom. I see now the differences of the happiness he felt before when he's still with us and now that he's together with his first love.

"You're happier now than before." I stated that made him smile with a hint of sadness on his eyes before he put down the cup he's holding.

"I'm sorry, anak."

A smile cracked on my lips. "Don't be dad. Masaya nga ako na nakikita kong masaya ka. I've been selfish for years but now, seeing you made me realize my mistake. Kaya kung meron man na kailangan mag-sorry, ako yun dad." Masuyo kong hinawakan ang kamay ni dad at puno ng pag-unawa na tinignan ko sya.

"Cielle..."

"I'm sorry dad, for not giving you my blessing when you chose your happiness. Hindi mo na din po kailangan pang mag-explain kung ano man yung dahilan nyo ni mom. Just because you two broke up doesn't mean that I don't have a family now. I still have you both, hindi na nga lang gaya ng dati but you guys are still my parents. Isa pa, pareho naman kayong masaya. That's why dad..." Pigil ang luha ngunit may ngiti sa mga labing nakatingin ako kay dad na mataman lang din na nakikinig sa akin at hinihintay ang susunod ko pang sasabihin.

"Although it's late, I'm giving you my blessings. Just promise me that you'll be happier this time."

Dad smiled with tears about to escape his eyes. I went to his side and hugged him tight. Hindi ko na napigilan ang maluha ng muli kong maramdaman ng init na hatid ng yakap ni dad. It's been so long since I felt this warm feeling that used to comfort me when I was a kid.

I've always been a daddy's girl. Pero mula ng maghiwalay sila aminado ako na kay dad ako nagalit dahil sa kanilang dalawa ay sya ang unang nakahanap ng iba. I tried to avoid him to the point that I keep on telling lies. Kung hindi nya kasama si mom ay hindi ako nakikipagkita sa kanya. Kaya naman nakahinga ako ng maluwag ngayon na tanggap ko na ang lahat. And it's because of Vaughn's help. He made me realize things that I tried to deny and filled the void in my heart.

"Thank you, baby." Dad said teary-eyed.

"And dad, I'll try meeting your family next time. After all they're my new family now, right?" Tango lang ang naging sagot ni dad na kapansin-pansin ang matamis na ngiti sa mga labi.

"Visit us when you're free, anak. I'm sure your Tita Guen and Third will be happy about this especially now that we will soon meet your younger brother." Tukoy ni dad sa asawa at anak nito.

Kumabog ang dibdib ko ng marinig ko sa unang pagkakataon ang pangalan ng anak ng asawa ni dad. Third is also Vaughn's nickname. Ipinilig ko na lang ang ulo sa naisip na baka si Vaughn ang tinutukoy ni dad. It's impossible. Hindi lang naman si Vaughn ang may ganung pangalan. Maybe it just made me miss him after hearing Dad's stepson's name.

"Does Tita Guen still wants to meet me?" Alanganing tanong ko.

Dad sighed and held my hands. "She does. To be honest when she heard that I am meeting you, she was so excited. Sobrang aga nya nga akong ginising dahil akala nya maaga tayong magkikita." Natatawang wika nya.

"She said, she will be waiting for you to accept her. Hindi nya naman daw papalitan ang mommy mo, gusto nya lang dumagdag sa mga taong nagmamahal sayo." Tila may mainit na palad na humaplos sa puso ko dahil sa narinig. I feel ashamed for hating them and focusing only to my own pain.

"May pangalan na ba kayo para sa bunso kong kapatid?" Namutawi ang malawak na ngiti sa mga labi ni dad sa naging tanong ko.

"Gusto mo ba ikaw ang magpangalan sa kanya? For sure Guen will be thrilled about it." Hindi ko mapigilan ang matawa sa nakikitang kong kislap sa mga mata ni dad. He's really excited having a son of his own.

I am too, is excited on having a sibling. Napakadaming pagkakataon akong nagdasal noon na sana ay magkaroon ako ng kapatid pero kailanman ay hindi iyon natupad. But now that wish is granted, even though it's not mom who will give birth to the sibling I wanted, I'm still happy.

"Hmm a name? I really like the name Isidro, dad." I smiled sheepishly. Nilagay nya ang kamay sa baba na tila ba pinag-iisipan mabuti ang pangalan na sinabi ko.

"Marcus Isidro Arciega. Not bad. I'll tell your Tita Guen about it later." Kumunot ang noo ko sa sinabi nya.

"Marcus Isidro?"

Dad smiled. "Third wanted to name him Marcus and you want the name Isidro that fits perfectly on his first name."

Napa-ah na lang ako sa sinabi ni dad bago agad na chineck ang phone ko ng magvibrate iyon. Napansin ko ang pagtikwas ng kilay ni dad sa matamis na ngiting namutawi sa labi ko ng mabasa ang mensahe ni Vaughn, asking who am I going to meet.

I replied him, 'someone special' before looking back at dad who's brows all knotted.

"Are you dating someone Marcielle Anne?"

I bit my lower lip trying to hide the smile on my lips. Hindi ko alam kung bakit napakadaming resemblance ni Dad kay Vaughn. They both used my full name when addressing me, although dad only use it when he's interrogating me, just like now.

"Who is it? Is it that half-Japanese guy you're with before? The former King whatsoever? Does your mom know about it?" Napahalakhak ako sa sunod-sunod na tanong ni dad na napakalalim ng pagkakakunot ng noo.

"No dad, he's someone you haven't met yet. Next time dad, Ipapakilala ko sya sa inyo ni mom. But don't worry. He's a good guy. My friends can vouch for him."

"How can you be sure that he is a good guy?" Usisa ni dad na mas lalo kong ikinangiti.

"Well, gut feeling?" I chuckled.

Dad sighed on defeat. "As long as he is making you happy, I won't interfere. Seeing you smile like just like now, I already knew he is a good guy."

"Thanks dad."

"Don't thank me yet, what's his name? I still need to do a background check." Seryoso nyang sabi na hindi ko naman nagawang sagutin ng muling mag-vibrate ang phone ko at mag-flash sa screen ang pangalan ni Shiro.

He only calls when it is urgent or I am so late with our schedule. Napangiwi ako ng mapansin ko ang oras.

"I have to go dad." Alanganing kong wika na ikinasimangot nya.

"Why do I feel that you don't want me to run a background check on that guy you're dating?" Tikwas ang kilay na tanong nya na ikinailing ko lang bago tumayo para yakapin sya.

"You don't need to do that, dad. I will let you meet him when mom come back. I really need to go. May band rehearsal kami ngayon para sa darating na Valentine's day. Let me know when Tita give birth okay? I don't want to miss the chance seeing my cute little brother." Paalam ko kay dad bago sya muling niyakap ng mahigpit. He patted my head just like when I'm still a kid.

"Want me to send you back?" Tanong nya na sinagot ko lang ng iling.

"I'll be fine dad. Isa pa baka ma-traffic ka pag-uwi."

"I love you, anak. And thank you again." Sinsero nyang wika.

Matamis na ngiti ang umalpas sa mga labi ko. "I love you too dad. Just be happier okay?" Kumalas ako sa pagkakayakap kay dad bago tuluyang lumabas ng coffee shop at pumunta sa bus stop papunta sa Academy.

With elated feelings, I thought of Vaughn and mentally noted myself to thank him later when I get back. Dahil kung hindi sa kanya ay hindi mapapabilis ang pag-desisyon ko na kitain si dad. At kung hindi sa pagmamahal na pinaparamdam nya sakin ay baka nananatili pa din akong nakakulong sa nakaraan. He might not be the first person who made me forget the pain, still, he's the only person who filled that void I had in my heart for years that no one else did.

Pasakay na ako ng bus ng makita ko ang regalo sa bag ko na dapat ay ibibigay ko kay dad. So I went back to the coffee shop and smiled when I saw dad just about to leave the shop. Tatawagin ko na sana sya ng mahagip ng paningin ko ang pamilyar na taong patawid ng pedestrian papunta sa shop na pinanggalingan ko.

A sweet smile formed my lips when I saw him. I was about to call him when someone called him first before I did and it was none other than dad. Mas lalo akong naguluhan ng makita ko silang nagmamadaling sumakay sa kotse ni dad bago umalis sa lugar na iyon.

Parang nauupos na kandila akong napaupo sa bench ng bus stop na hindi ko namalayang narrating ko habang pinagtatagpi-tagpi ang lahat. I laughed and cried like a lunatic after realizing everything. Now I know the secret behind his words before.

Forget me not.

Sometimes a flower's name.

Sometimes the truth he wanted to proclaim.