Dear God - 1

Nagising ako sa may hindi kalakasang tunog ng cellphone ko at agad iyon sinagot ng makita kung sino ang tumatawag.

"Why are you calling me in the middle of the night? Is there something wrong?" Inaantok pang tanong ko kay Vaughn mula sa kabilang linya. He called me three times before I get to answer his call that he rarely does.

"Namiss lang kita. Were you sleeping? Did I ruin your sleep?" May pag-aalala sa tinig nyang sabi na ikinatawa ko. We just ended our usual night calls for only two hours and yet he's calling again.

It's been two weeks since he left the dormitory. At sa buong dalawang linggo na yun ay hindi ko naramdaman na wala sya dito. Madalas kaming nagpapalitan ng mensahe o kaya naman ay tumatawag sya tuwing hindi ko na kasama ang mga kaibigan ko, na mga pinili din na hindi umuwi sa kani-kanilang mga bahay para magcelebrate ng Christmas. They choose to spend time with me when they found out that I'll be staying here for the whole break.

"Namiss mo na naman marinig ang maganda kong tinig no? Bat kaya di ka na lang bumalik dito? Then let's spend the night together." Birong-totoo ko na saglit nyang ikinatahimik.

Sa normal na pagkakataon ay meron na syang nakahandang pambara sa mga banat ko pero ngayon ay katahimikan na may iilang pag-buntong hininga lang ang naging sagot nya. I find it somehow disturbing. Bumangon ako at binuksan ang lampshade sa gilid ng kama ko. It's two in the morning and him calling me around this time is kinda worrying.

"Hoy Ikatlo may problema ba? Don't worry I'm not ser-"

"I'm outside your door. Will you let me... in?" Our eyes met even before he finished his sentence.

Hindi ko napigilan ang matawa sa itsura nya. He's sweating on his black hoodie jacket as if he runs all the way here in school. Saglit ko munang pinagsawa ang mata sa pagtitig sa kanya bago sya pinapasok sa kwarto ko. I let him sat at the edge of my bed while getting him a bottled water.

"Don't tell me you didn't sleep?" Tanong ko matapos kong iabot ang bottled water na agad naman nyang ininom na tila uhaw na uhaw.

I crossed my arms and sat on my swivel chair while patiently wait for his answer and also checking him out. He's wearing a black hoodie jacket and torn jeans. I find his muscled legs sexy. Patunay na regular ang workout na ginagawa nya. Mas naging kapansin-pansin nga lang ang eyebags nya na tila ba ilang araw nyang pinagpuyatan.

"Be honest with me. Natutulog ka pa ba?" Biro kong tanong sa kanya.

"I couldn't sleep." Pagsisimula nya habang matiim na nakatingin sa akin. "I keep on thinking about you. Wondering if you're really okay. And earlier, you sounded unhappy after our call ended. Namalayan ko na lang na nakasakay na ako ng bus pabalik dito. At huli na ng ma-realize kong naiwan ko yung susi ng kwarto ko sa bahay. I'm already outside my room and the first morning trip to home will be five in the morning. Ayoko naman na sa bus station magpalipas ng gabi kaya tinawagan kita."

Mataman lang akong nakatingin sa kanya habang pilit na itinatago ang kilig na nararamdaman pero bigo ako. Dahil tuluyan ng sumilay ang isang matamis na ngiti sa mga labi ko ng makita ko ang pamumula ng tenga nya dahil sa hiyang nararamdaman.

"Stop smiling it's embarrassing." Kunwa'y inis nyang sabi kaya naman naiiling na tumayo ako para yakapin sya.

"I miss you a lot. Thank you for coming all the way here. Na-appreciate ko kahit na no choice ka lang talaga kaya ka nandito sa kwarto ko." He pushed me a little bit and frowned at me.

"Gusto ko din makasama ka kaya ako nandito. It's not because I don't have a choice. I wouldn't be running all the way here from the main gate if I don't want to see you so bad." He said while pouting like a kid.

Sumikdo ang dibdib ko sa sinabi nyang iyon. Ni minsan ay hindi ko inakala na makikita ko ang ganito nyang side. I never knew that this King is so damn romantic. Kahit pa nga madalas ay may pagka-old school sya. I wonder how his exes survived this kind of attack from him.

"Ganito ka din ba sa mga naging exes mo? I mean, is this how you make your exes skipped their heartbeats?" Wala sa loob na tanong ko na ikinalukot muli ng mukha nya.

"Exes? For your information Marcielle Anne Arciega, ikaw pa lang ang nagiging girlfriend ko! I don't even know why I love you this much and that I could do such thing just because I'm in love!" I gasped in surprise on his outburst.

"Seryoso ka?" I blurted out in shock. Hindi dahil sa katotohanan na ako ang unang girlfriend nya kundi sa katotohanan na napakapihikan nya.

Although it's the same for me, pero hindi naman ako ganun kapihikan. I do had crushes in the past. Nagkataon lang na mas napuruhan yata ako ni kupido sa kanya. Thinking about how picky he is, am I his first love?

First love.

Isang nakakalokong ngiti ang sumilay sa mga labi ko ng sumagi sa isipan ko ang dalawang salitang iyon. Umupo akong muli sa swivel chair ko at inusog iyon hanggang sa magtama ang tuhod namin dalawa. Pilit kong pinigilan ang mapasinghap ng maramdaman ko ang init na hatid ng katawan nya mula sa suot kong pantulog.

"Hoy Ikatlo..." Seryoso kong wika sa pangalan nya habang nakatingin ng matiim sa mga mata nyang tila may bahid ng pagkabahala dahil sa lapit ng mukha namin dalawa.

"You're too close." He said in a rough voice but didn't even make a move to widen the gap between us.

"I'm your first girlfriend, edi ibig sabihin ako ang first love mo?" Tanong ko habang may mapaglarong ngiti sa mga labi.

He gazed at me without any emotion on his face and answered me with his ears getting so damn bright red. "Yes. You are my first love. Any problem with that?"

"No sir." Natatawa kong sagot.

"Then what about you? Would you mind telling me more about your first love? Aside from being weird, what is his other qualities that made you fall for him?" Seryosong tanong nya na saglit kong ikinatahimik nang mabanggit nya ang taong yun.

Looking back, it's not all about his appearance that made me like him. It is his sincerity and those flowers he gave me. Remembering the flowers, I stood up and walked to my closet and get the personalized chest of mine where I put the flowers that was given to me when I graduated.

Tahimik lang na pinanood ako ni Vaughn kahit na may bahid ng pagtataka ang mukha nyang nakatingin sa akin. I walked back to him and put the chest on his lap. Kababakasan ng pagkamangha ang mukhang ibinaling nya sakin ang tingin ng makita ang tuyong bulaklak na ilang taon ko na din iniingatan.

"It's not about his looks nor his weirdness that made me fall for him. I guess it's that thing that made me fall." Nakangiti kong sabi na muling binabalikan sa isip ang tagpong iyon.

"Do you still remember him?" Seryosong tanong ni Vaughn sa akin.

"I don't really remember his face. What I remember was his warmth and the way he made me feel that I am not alone. Back then, before we got to know each other, just looking at these preserved forget-me-nots makes me feel okay." Pag-amin ko.

"What about now?"

I smiled sweetly. "I have you already."

And those words made him smile.

"Nagseselos ka ba?" Hindi ko napigilang tanong na bahagya nyang ikinasimangot.

"Who won't be? Your first love was some unknown, weird stranger. And to make it worse, you fell in love with him not because of his looks. I just can't compete with someone like that." Pag-amin nya na ikinatawa ko ng malakas.

Hindi ko maiwasan ang mamangha sa pagiging tapat nya sa nararamdaman. Unlike other guys, Vaughn is so straightforward even though he feels embarrassed with the outcome, he still chooses to be honest with what he feels. And I prayed to God that he'll remain like that whatever trials we will be facing in the future.

"Hindi mo naman kailangan makipag-kompetensya eh. He was someone who helped me took away the pain and sorrow brought by my parents in the past, and you, are that someone who filled those pain with happiness now. You two are different. Both with the spaces you filled in my heart and the way you helped me forget the pain."

Masuyo kong hinaplos ang pisngi nya bago sya ginawaran ng halik sa labi. I feel my own lips trembling so he guided me. Puno ng pagsuyo na hinapit nya ako sa batok para sa isang matamis at mahabang halik. Habang nananalangin sa isip na sana, gaya ng nangyari kay Dad, I'll end up with him.

Dear God, I know a lot of people say that it's only for a few people that ends up with their first love, but I'm praying that you give that rare chance for us too. Like how you gave that chance to my dad.

I prayed in mind as he pulled me in his arms for a tight hug after sharing a long, passionate kiss.