The Foolish Jester, All Alone

A long time ago, I used to have a nice family, well...something like that. I kept moving from sibling to sibling staying at their place since childhood. Well, until they couldn't stand me anymore, so I "left" what a load that is.

Every time I made a decision, they said I made the wrong one, and when they pressured me into listening to them, I'd screw it up, or it'd screw me over for years.

Even the times where I could stay at a ghetto where it was cheap. I kept screwing up, even when I begged them to give me a second chance. All cause of a small mistake, even as the police cleaned up the bodies out in the parking lot from a shooting, in a place that is practically worthless. I'm kicked out, and left in the streets to move again.

It's funny, So funny, I can't help but laugh like a madman, I couldn't even control myself from the laughter anymore. I even avoided joining a gang, and I worked in the shits for a long time, but at the end, I believed the same person, that they had a job for me, and was let down again, and now I'm sleeping in a car.

After that, I found a good job by a temp agency, sadly I was fired again. This time from a nice job, that I could only work as a contractor for 3 months, cause I was talking to someone, and the assistant director heard me curse...one word, and it wasn't even about anything bad.

I cried, at least I can charge my portable battery at the library, as I read, and use the showers from the gym that I subscribe to, at least my family lets me use their address as I try to find a job....

A few weeks passed, I'm crying, I try, I really do, but now my wrist is broken, and I can't afford the doctor. I hate it so much, I can't help but feel rage.

I pray, sometimes, I think god heard me as things get a bit better, I hope.

I pray almost everyday, and I don't know if god was the one who helped me, or not, but something weird happened. Something I never told anyone.

It was when I was a kid, I had weird dreams, dreams that terrified me. I was one of those kids that were haunted. My family said I'd talk to things, and even they were affected. Strange things would happen, it even got worse at times, to the point something tried to drag my brother.

I begged for help, but no one was there, except for what felt like a guardian angel. Otherwise, No one helped me, my family didn't care, and I was losing it. The incident happened, and I did what little choice I had, I imagined myself a monster, I thought if I was a monster, that it would go away.

So I let myself into a rage, I imagined myself, covered in fire, eating those scary things. Things I thought were scary, things that were souls of what I didn't understand. Otherwise, the bad things lessened when I did that, but there were still areas I avoided as the house was horribly haunted, until I was kicked out.

After that, things changed when it came to those things.

Through out my life after, when weird things happened, I remember my rage, and I see myself as that monster, and those weird things stopped.

Now, years later, I remembered....