LordFinn
The story seems to have a good thing going for it. I would rather you wrote it out and developed the story without any rush. I understand that this is for the competition, but I would really enjoy if I could read the smaller scenes in this chapter in more detail. As you know, I love words and how you can use them to weave a story. I think with practice you will soon master it. You have great potential. Best of luck in the contest!