Not Into Love

'Guys!' This one word sums up pretty much all of my problems. It won't be meaningless to say that whatever I am today, I'm because of the guys that have been in my life. Yes! That's right. Biggest credit doesn't go to my parents or my younger brother but to the strangers that I've come across in my life. Peculiar isn't it? Well, I intend to share with you all my diary from when I was 18 alongwith my story around that time as well.

For the sake of brevity, I would also like you to know certain things about my mindset which is yet to go insane.

It's not like what goes around comes around.

It's more about you keep digging your past, to an extent that even you don't know.

Oh! This happened, this might be because I did such thing in my past.

And if you're sure that you've been a good chap, oh! This happened but what did I do wrong? Maybe I did something in my past life.

We're humans, things happen! We do certain things which affected others and things which proved to be good for someone. But, isn't that what we're supposed to do?

'Live' is the only advice I would give to my 18 year old self.

Living in the present not specifically means 'live life like there's no tomorrow.' If we were to follow this motto towards life, we'll probably be exhausted by the end of the day and won't have any energy left for whatever it is to come tomorrow.

Here it goes,

"Start somewhere, begin with your first step. Everything will eventually fall in place." were the words he told me when we first met.(In reference to Kush)

We were in a group project together. I wonder what striked him and he suddenly blurted out these words. At that point of time in my life, they were the words of comfort. These comforting words somehow made their way inside my disrupted mind.

I began sorting things. In the group project as well as in my personal life.

Project ended and we parted ways. I was so moved that I broke up with my then boyfriend and took up an internship in the winter break.

Far away from home, I made a life full of lies. I thought it will compensate for the lack of family and friends. The affection that I received was tremendous. It made me think I've accomplished something. Although it was not the case, otherwise I wouldn't be lying here in the pool of my own blood waiting to die slowly and painfully.