1 1 - Dealing with the feeling of emptiness

How easy would it be if we knew what we're the most talented at right after we were born into this world? How exciting would it be to know that you have a purpose, and continuously work towards it for the rest of your life?

I was once scared of moving forward because I was afraid to choose the wrong path. I procrastinated every day, distracted myself to various shows wishing that before I was aware of it, years had passed by and it was time for me to leave this world. But something changed for me. It wasn't easy. One day I woke up with this bearable but persistent feeling of emptiness. It grew larger and larger and I became frustrated about how I threw away years of my life for nothing.

Funny huh? An eighteen-year-old telling you that she had wasted years of her time. I am glad to have woken up from my paralytic fear when I am still this young. I might not be one of those child geniuses that seized the opportunity to put in the hard work to excel at what they were originally passionate about, but I still feel quite lucky.

Back to what I was saying earlier, I was quite a disorganized person. I had no certain schedule of anything and I would gladly search for and binge-watch a new anime that seemed interesting just so I could continue running away from my feelings. Slowly, I tried to incorporate order into my life and here I am, determined to create something, that would be completed, through writing. I realized that I want to express myself through different forms of art. I want to be able to trigger excitement and recognition from other people from seeing something I had created.

Since you are reading this, I hope my thoughts would resonate within you and inspire you to express your thoughts as well, no matter how complicated and selfish it is.

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