Engulfed in all she had to do on her own

Nabila Mujahid blinked against the light as she arose. The morning unfurled in all its glory splashing red and gold beams on white clouds. She tossed the sheets off her like a woman with something to accomplish today. Mentally going over her chores: exercise, weeding and watering her garden, buying bedding plants...Unconsciously she ran her fingers through her hair, perhaps she should get a steam treatment. Maybe a sauna massage also. Will that heat be good for the baby? She had to check first.

Jamal Mujahid sat at his dining table scoffing down fried plantain while reviewing a new contract deal. Unexpectedly his wife joined him for breakfast, singing her greeting. He glanced at Nabila as she stroked her hair. She had no idea how much she looked like her sister when she did that. Sipping his tea, he wished it was Rabi wearing the ivory silk chemise and staring at him

"Kin tashi - You're awake" he said in mock horror. 

"I wanted to see you off to work" Nabila answered acknowledging it was 7.00am

Jamal wanted to raise an eyebrow but his head felt heavy. It hopped between numbness and hyper sensitivity. If he didn't know better he would think he was waking up with a mild hangover but all last night afforded him were flashes of a vivid sexual dream he had about Rabi. Jamal squinted and pinched the bridge of his nose. 

"Are you alright?" Nabila asked concerned

"It's just a little headache"

"I think you should drink some water. Maybe you're dehydrated"

Jamal considered the possibility. Nabila sipped on her glass of water as the cook promptly laid out a plate setting for her. Minutes later he returned with the pancake and scrambled eggs she had requested

"That was quick, thank you" Nabila said smiling. Both the cook and Jamal stared at her in shock. Nabila unaware munched on her breakfast heartily, humming as she refilled her glass with orange juice.

Amaka Nwafor cursed silently under her breathe as she dumped Chiamaka in the bathroom to have a shower. Urging her daughter to brush like the wind and insisting Chibuzo dress faster. They were running 30minutes behind schedule and that meant they were very, very, late. Those minutes would have been spent setting up lunch boxes, running the school bag inspection for pencil cases and homework, preparing an omelette for breakfast and leaving the kids to enjoy their fruits in front of the television while she put on her makeup. The new time constraint would not allow for normal procedure today. Instead they would all have to munch on meat pies in the car while she prayed they made it past rush hour traffic.

By 12.00 noon Amaka was worn out. She conceded that she would spend the remainder of her day chasing the lost half hour, desperately trying to claw it out of every spare minute. The twins were irritable on the school run, grumbling about missing their show and asking if they could have ice cream instead of the cold meat pies she rummaged out of the fridge. Stuck in traffic, Amaka applied her makeup in the rear view mirror and the twins were 12 minutes late into their first period. She rushed to the school hall to see that the non-teaching staff meeting had begun without her and had to remain behind with the Headmistress to review minutes she missed. This in turn made her late to her first admission visit with the Al-Bashir's from Kano. Hausa royalty did not take kindly to waiting around so she spent longer explaining the school facilities to them and insisted on showing little Aisha around herself. It was Amaka's break time but she had a stack of paper work to go through. Although she worked at the school her children attended Amaka hardly set foot in their classrooms in light of being fair and minimising bias. She was grateful for her job which accorded that the twins be granted immediate admittance, school fees at a generous staff discount and the gift of spending all day with her babies. For this reason, Amaka avoided using her position for leverage whenever she could help it. 

It was more appropriate for the children to come into her office; as was allowed with every other pupil at Elite Primary School. At 12.01pm Chiamaka came in, followed 5 minutes later by Chibuzo. Amaka had insisted they be placed in different arms so they made friends outside of one another, this sometimes meant different break times. They sat on her chair and played with the lever, took turns spinning each other around and conned her out of lollipops. For a while Amaka watched them and felt angry at Femi. How could any parent choose to miss out on this? Because Femi had a choice, they were not living in squalor. He did not have to go America to make his fortune. What drove him away was his ego. A need to prove his parents wrong, that he could make it on his own. Four years later and he was still trying. He had not even called his children in over five months. It was alright now, when the twins thought mommy was a superhero and daddy some sort of prince in exile but they were getting older and soon "daddy will be back soon" will cease to be enough.

After the twins left, Amaka allowed the feeling of loss to overcome her, engulfed in all she had to do on her own. All that had to be accomplished before she could put her feet up today. She missed Femi and wanted him home. But all she had were stories buried in nostalgia. Living her life for what once was. Amaka wanted her children to know how funny and charming and handsome their father is. How he was always the life of the party. 

Femi, the only man she ever hugged, kissed, made love to, bore kids for. He was her first everything. And he could not find the time to send a bloody email, a 'thank you for raising the kids' text. The last time they spoke, she chastised him for not checking in regularly enough, inquired as to why his number never went through. What if we need you? She asked him

"Maka it's you hun. As long as you're with them I will never worry" he replied confidently. 

Amaka sighed. She just wanted the chance to feel like a woman after a day of being a mom. It has been so many years since she felt sexy or went out on a date. She flipped to the next page in her day planner and saw Chibuzo had written in purple crayon I Love You Mom. Amaka wiped a tear from her eye and went back to work.

At the end of the school day, Amaka walked her children to their respective after school activities. Chiamaka had changed into her uniform for girls scout and Chibuzo excitedly ran into his music class. With a wave at their teachers, her colleagues, Amaka walked back to her office. The end of the day finally arrived and Amaka drove home exhausted. The kids had their baths while she stirred spaghetti, blended tomatoes for the sauce and fried meatballs. She tossed salad, knowing she would have to threaten before its eaten. The twins told her about their day and re-enacted the scene from Lady and the Tramp; slurping the spaghetti strings one at a time and making a mess. "As long as you clean it up" was her only warning. After homework they were awarded one ice cream scoop each and watched Jungle Book till bedtime. All three knelt by the bed to pray and Amaka remembered how frightened the twins used to be of 'Now I Lay Me down To Sleep' because the final line spoke of dying, "If I should die before I wake, I pray the Lord my soul to take." Seeing no reason to put her babies through that, Amaka suggested they recite personal versions, of what they would like God to do while they slept. On their insistence, she helped make it rhyme. 

Chibuzo led the first half of his prayer:

Now I lay me down to sleep, 

I pray the Lord my soul to keep.

See me safely through the night, 

and wake me with the morning light.

Chiamaka continued with her second verse:

Now I lay me down to sleep, 

I pray the Lord, my soul to keep.

May angels watch me through the night, 

and keep me in their blessed sight.

Amaka kissed each forehead goodnight and retired to her parlour to watch Grey's Anatomy. She prepared sandwiches for the lunch boxes tomorrow, placed ice lollies in the freezer, ironed school uniforms, Nabsy called to chat, a quick double check that all the doors were bolted and she soon knelt by her bed reciting her night prayers:

This night I lay me down to sleep

I give the Lord my soul to keep

If I should die before I wake

I pray the lord my soul to take

Four corners of my bed

Four angels over head

Matthew, Mark, Luke and John

Bless this bed I lay upon

I lay my head on our lady's knee

Jesus come this night and save me

Heart of Joseph I adore thee

Heart of Mary I implore thee

Heart of Jesus pure and just

In those three hearts I place my trust.

Amaka had barely settled beneath her duvet when her phone rang. Not wanting to wake the children she answered immediately. Lo and behold it was the prodigal husband

"Maka" his gruff voice clearing the day's exhaustion from her bones

"Femi. What is going on? Where have you been?"

"It's okay. Everything is fine. You worry too much" he sounded like she was overreacting

"It has been three months Femi. Three months!"

"I just ran into a little problem that's all. I did not want to worry you darling"

"When are you coming home?" Amaka asked like many times before

"Soon" Femi replied like many times before

"Please just come back. I miss you. The kids miss you"

"When it all works out; it would all have been worth it. You'll see"

This was not about her. It was about his stupid battle of wills with his parents. Amaka could not believe a man who had not seen his children since they could barely make sentences, was talking about his absence being 'worth it.' Where was he when Chiamaka ran a high fever at 2am? Where was he when Chibuzo fractured his arm playing with his friends? Where was he when her parents told her she would always be alone? Amaka had a long day and could feel the bile rising in her throat.

"Femi don't bullshit me. I want a specific answer"

"Amaka what has gotten into you?"

"You Femi. You have gotten into me. You don't seem to appreciate me or how hard this is" "Of course I do sweetheart. I love you and I wish I could be there but..."

"But what? Eh Femi? The only person preventing you from being here is you"

"That is not fair"

"What is not fair is you choosing your ego over your responsibility as a father"

"Why are you saying these hurtful things?"

"Femi come home. Please I am begging you." 

"Maka let me just hammer this big one."

"Let me wake the kids then. So they can hear your voice"

"I have to go" Femi interrupted her. "We'll have to continue this another time. Take care." With that the line abruptly cut. Amaka stared at the receiver in her hand and felt engulfed in hopelessness. She did not know when next Femi would call and she for one was tired. She had to face the fact that Femi may never return; at least not until he was good and ready never mind those who needed him. Amaka was tired of putting her life on hold for someone who wasn't even her husband. It has been four years and while she had kept her promise, could she really say the same for him? Before she knew it the twins would be off to boarding school; she would have to learn to have a life. 

Inhaling a deep breath Amaka dialled the stored number on her phone.

"Hello" a tenor voice answered

"Hel-lo" Amaka said slowly her voice .