Cease to Exist (Pt.1)

Heels clicking on the pavement. The beeping of a pedestrian crossing. The rumble of cars. Subin opened her eyes as the din faded to the background. Like a polaroid picture coming into fruition, her vision sharpened and her eyes adjusted to the light. Disoriented, Subin blinked several times.

Where am I?

The first thing Subin noticed was that she was in a room of some sort. On the walls were several posters, most of which looked like handwritten notes. An unmade bed with a pile of dirty laundry and stuffed toys was to her left, and to her right was a wardrobe with mirrors as doors. Subin searched the room, not quite believing her eyes. Through the window, she could see an overcast sky, but despite the ominous, grey clouds looming overhead, she felt strangely comforted. From the mountain of books on the desk to the laptop charging on the ground, Subin had no doubt as to her whereabouts. She smiled as her eyes brimmed with unshed tears.

She was home.

Not wanting to waste a second longer, Subin turned to the door. "Dad?" she called out excitedly. "Yoongi?" She ran out of the bedroom, her heart like a drum in her chest. It had been so long since she had last seen her family, so long since she'd heard her dad and brother's voices, that the first thing she wanted to do was to hug them both. "I'm back!" she shouted, her grin growing wider with each step. "I'm home!"

But as she searched from room to room, she soon realised that the two people she wanted to see the most were nowhere to be found.

Her heart began to sink. "Where are you?"

Just when Subin thought of searching for her mobile phone, she suddenly tripped on a tower of takeaway boxes. Subin cursed under her breath as it tumbled, creating a mess. As she stooped to clean it up, she noticed the familiar chicken logo printed on the boxes. They were all from the peri-peri chicken place she and her brother used to frequent. Recalling how their dad used to complain about the blandness, Subin curled her lip. Has Dad changed his mind about their food since I've been away? But before Subin could investigate further, she heard the jingling of keys come from the front door. Subin immediately got up. "Dad! Yoongi—"

"Why's it always so cold in here?"

Subin froze. Instead of her dad and older brother, a pair of strangers came inside, the gust of wind having nothing to do with the chill that bolted down her spine. From where she stood, she saw that one of them had a bulky frame and the other was shorter and thinner. Dressed in thick coats and woolly scarves, the pair proceeded to make themselves comfortable. Subin hid from view.

Who are these people? And what are they doing here?

Subin peered at the strangers from her hiding place and noticed they were armed with what looked like hockey sticks.

Are we being robbed right now?

"I'll go and turn on the radiator," the bulky one spoke and Subin pressed herself closer to the wall.

With her mind clouding in panic, Subin's breath quickened. She needed to call for help but she didn't know how. Not when their landline was disconnected, and she didn't know where her mobile was.

Okay, she thought, as soon as the coast is clear, I can run next door and—

"Oh, put the kettle on too while you're at it," the other said, catching Subin off-guard. "I'm chilled to the bone."

Subin swore under her breath when she heard the bulky-framed stranger change course. As their footsteps grew louder, Subin frantically searched for somewhere to hide. With their kitchen being small, there weren't many hiding places large enough to conceal her.

"Calm down, Subin," she whispered, her voice barely audible over her wild heartbeat. "Think. What would Yoongi do?" Spotting something she could use to defend herself, Subin grabbed a broom. If her brother were in her place, Subin knew he wouldn't be afraid to confront a pair of thieves. Yoongi wasn't scared of anything. Well, Subin thought afterwards as she clutched the broom tightly, apart from asking someone out.

"Which tea do you want?" she heard the bulky-framed stranger ask, bringing her back to reality. Subin readied herself as the stranger reached the door. "Tetley? Yorkshire?"

"Yorkshire, please!" the other replied in what Subin thought was a feminine voice. "No sugar. I'm on a diet."

Subin heard the former scoff. She raised the broom just as the door opened and the stranger came into view. "Don't- Don't move!" Subin heard herself shout, her voice coming out squeakier than she would've liked.

The stranger halted. Without coats and scarves obscuring her view, Subin realised that the stranger was a young man. He frowned and looked around as if displeased by the state of the kitchen.

"Stay where you are!" Subin screeched when the man raised his hand to scratch his nose. Her hands trembled as she aimed the broom at him. "Stay back! I- I'm not afraid to use this!" But despite her warning, the man took a step forward. In as little as two strides, he was within reach of her. Panic-stricken, Subin swung with all her might, but instead of stunning the stranger, the man passed through as if neither she nor the broom was there at all. Subin gasped. "What…?" She turned to the man and watched as he proceeded to make tea as if nothing happened. "What- what just…? How…?"

You're fading away.

Subin jumped at the sound of a wispy voice. She turned to the doorway, where the other stranger stood. It was a woman. Thinking it was she who had spoken, Subin asked, "What do you mean? What's happening? How did he suddenly pass through me?" But no reply came. As if the world had gone mute, Subin observed as the pair conversed with no sound. The silence was deafening.

You're fading away from their memories.

Subin looked over her shoulder as the voice spoke again. "What do you mean?" she called out. She searched the ceiling, half-convinced there were hidden cameras watching her. "What do you mean I'm fading away? Who are you?" Fear replaced by bewilderment, Subin turned to ask the strangers but found they had vanished. Like a photograph fading with age, her surroundings were disappearing.

They've moved on without you.

"You're lying!" Subin ran out of the kitchen. "Dad!" she cried, "Yoongi! Where are you?"

They've left you behind, the voice taunted as it grew in strength. They've forgotten all about you.

"No," Subin retorted, her voice wobbling. "Dad and Yoongi wouldn't. They- they would never leave me behind."

Subin ran into her room and locked the door. Like moments ago, everything was as she left it. The unmade bed, the mountain of books, the posters on the walls. The layout was the same. And yet, why did none of the things inside feel familiar? It was as if she had entered a replica of her room. Absent was the warmth of familiarity. Perhaps it was never there to begin with. Subin's steps faltered when she realised nothing inside was hers. Like a room in a hotel, everything appeared staged, every trace of her erased. Succumbing to despair, Subin fell on her knees.

Maybe Dad and Yoongi have moved on without me.

With this final thought, the corners of Subin's sanctuary began to fade. Like the lifeless ash at the end of a cigarette, Subin watched her world crumble as the voice echoed her deepest fear.

"You don't belong here anymore."