The Apology (21)

Joann could see the moment the guard went up on her husband's face. She understood why he had reacted in this manner. She probably needed to phrase her words better. To prevent Xu Jing for reaching for a lie, Joann tried to explain it further, "Xu Jing, don't worry. I am not trying to entrap you with my words. I really just wanted to talk. Don't you agree there has been too much miscommunication or rather a lack of communication in our relationship lately?

"Granted part of that is my own mistake and hence I am trying to fix that now. So just tell me. I'm not going to get mad or hold it against you. I just want to know the truth because it is from the truth that we'll be able to move forward. So, let me ask you again, why did you choose Qing Qing over me?"

Joann was right that Xu Jing's first thought was to come up with an excuse when he heard that question. However, when he heard what his wife had to say and her admission of her culpability to the creation of the problem, Xu Jing did feel much more at ease. Furthermore, he felt like she had a point, perhaps both of them did owe their marriage some honest truths.

Xu Jing chose his words carefully, "I wouldn't say that I chose her over you. It's more of a one-time slip and I promise it will not happen again."

Joann shook her head. "You're still not getting it. How about this then? What caused you to have that one-time slip? What is it that Qing Qing manages to give you that you are unable to get from this relationship? What is the pushing factor that propelled you into her arms?"

Xu Jing gave it some serious thoughts. To be honest, he had an answer in mind but he was afraid to say it aloud because it might sound like an accusation to Joann and he was not sure that might help his situation.

Joann saw the hesitance on her husband's face and she decided to take the first step on his behalf. She sighed and said, "Is it because she treats you better? Listen to you more? Give you more respect?"

Xu Jing would not have put it in those exact words but he felt like Joann had got the most part correct so he nodded silently. It felt weird admitting to these things in front of his wife.

Joann smiled a small, sad smile, "I knew it, it was also partly my fault."

Hearing that, Xu Jing immediately jumped out to say, "Of course, not. This is my fault. It has nothing to do with you, Joann."

Joann lifted her face to look at Xu Jing. Right then, she just wanted to shake her head and sigh, 'Such a silly, silly man.' However, she also felt rather touched that he would come to her rescue when she was feeling down on herself. Examining this whole situation with a detached eye, the extra-marital affair aside, Joann had to say she was extremely lucky to have a man who was so dedicated towards her so unconditionally. This also made her realize how horrible and unapproachable she must have been in their marriage to push this man that loved her so much willingly into the arms of another woman.

Joann's lips curved into a bittersweet smile and she told Xu Jing with sincerity, "Thank you but I now know the mistakes that I've done in this relationship." Before Xu Jing could say anything, Joann continued, "In other words, you turned towards Qing Qing to find things that you're missing in our relationship. Things like attention, respect and affection."

Xu Jing nodded. Then Joann asked, "Then in that case, why didn't you demand all those things from our marriage? You're one half of this relationship too, you have all the rights in the world to make that demand. It would have fully justified."

Xu Jing was stumped. He had not really considered it from that perspective before. Indeed, why hadn't he made the demands?

Seeing the look of confusion on her husband's face, Joann commented, "Looks like we both have something to learn from this particular incident. One of my friends said marriage is like a coming-together of two parties. The structure is going to be out of balance if one party contributes too little or too much.

"I realize that describes our marriage almost perfectly. You've been doing so much of the work, while I reap most of the reward. In a way, perhaps this extra-marital affair is a good thing because it allows us to see the problem in our relationship. Like I said earlier, the both of us have something to work on in this relationship. You could try to be more assertive and I a bit more attentive. After all, marriage is a give and take, and not a one-sided give and one-sided take."

Xu Jing felt like he was conversing with a woman that was not his wife. Joann normally would not have said these things to him. She had her own ways of doing things that he was just coming along for the ride. To hear his wife say all these things, for the first time in a long time, Xu Jing felt hopeful.

Perhaps the situation was still salvageable.

Joann told Xu Jing in a sincere tone, "Xu Jing, I apologize for everything that I have done and for everything that I should have but did not do in our marriage. I cannot guarantee that I can change overnight but I shall try my best to meet you in the middle."

Xu Jing was beyond shocked. When his wife said they needed to have a talk, he did not expect it to lead to him getting an apology from his wife while he was the one who had an extra-marital affair.

"However, that doesn't mean that everything has been forgiven."