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Overlord Empress

Author: Satya2020
Ongoing · 2.7M Views
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Zetsway
ZetswayLv12

I'm sorry to say, but you have failed to deliver your world. The idea is very good and has a lot of potential, but the way it's shaped is simply bad... The first 7 or so chapters were huge info dumps about things that don't impact the story at all. We, as readers, don't need to know the way chakra and body cultivation works in all that many details. You can keep it vague at the start. Start with the early levels. The relevant one. In here, you started talking in detail about the last levels of power and we still have no idea of what in the world is happening. After the info dump chapters, the FanFic part begins, where you should start to expand on the story and it's characters...You don't. You keep detailing the MC's life like an activity log. Granted, some actions can be done like that, but it's very confusing to read things like... "I started training. I am now strong. I'm starting to solve the world's problems..." It's very bland. You should put more emotions into your character. Describe to us her first reaction to being able to see(she was blind for god's sake. She should at least show some reaction to sight...not be like "Oh, I can see. Moving on..."). The surrounding characters should also have emotions. Even the original Itachi has more emotions then your characters... The dialogue is almost Non-Existent. She got monologued by the Overlord for her training then...nothing. I can barely remember when. or if, she spoke. You also adopted the side-character POV style. I personally like this style, but, if you are going to write it as what they are thinking right now, don't explain their whole life... I don't thing anyone thinks of their whole life story every time they form a thought... But, as I said, the story does have potential, It also doesn't have any glaring plot holes witch is good. The grammar is also decent. I have only read 16 chapters and this is my review on those, who knows, maybe after those 16 chapters I read, it gets better, but those chapters made me turn away. To sum it up, it has potential but they way it's written is boring... Sorry for the negative review...