8 Chapter 7: Death Gets Busy
Date: 10-26-1999
Location: Akron, Ohio
It's not hard to figure out how Angry Ed got his nickname. Here's his story:
He occasionally got angry at the traffic on the highway, which is normal for him to get mad at traffic. His lunch included a coca-cola, but Ed accidentally spills it on his sandwich, so he threw his drink and his sandwich onto the floor in a fit of anger.
There honestly almost wasn't anything that didn't make Ed see red. One day at work, he was busy working on a sheet of metal, but he accidentally cuts himself and he got angry at himself for this mistake. At his work, his employees thought Ed's anger was a running joke. But his foreman noticed his outburst, and decided that the joke had run thin.
Believing that Ed's outbursts at work could cause potential harm, or even death to the other workers, the foreman fires Ed. Of course, Ed got angry at this. In fact, losing his job turned Ed into a heat-seeking anger missile. Before he left, Ed decided to give the foreman a piece of his mind. He notices the foreman working on a vat of hydrochloric acid, and wanting to get revenge, Ed went hand to hand. But the foreman, in self defense, accidentally shoves Ed into the vat.
The acid immediately burns his skin, fries his eyeballs, and pours into his wide open mouth. Once the acid was inside his body, it destroys his major organs, including the heart, lungs and intestines within seconds, killing Angry Ed and putting an end to his uncontrollable outbursts, once and for all.
"This wasn't just Ed's last day of work. His uncontrollable blood-boiling rage made sure this was Angry Ed's last day... period."
Way To Die# 610: Deep Fried
Date: 05-02-2004
Location: New York City, NY
Natasha is a supermodel, right now Natasha is feeling a little less than super, living out of a suitcase, empty hotel rooms, her life of glamor is a full time grind, the worst of all is her constant dieting. In her world, "If you're not thin, you're out." What's Natasha's secret? She starves herself, to make matters worse, she's fallen into a pattern of extremely destructive behavior, bulimia.
She calls room service and asks to bring her everything. This has become a common ritual for Natasha, each time it's a struggle between love and hate for food, In the end the compulsion to binge always wins over. By literally stuffing herself with every kind of dish imaginable, Natasha hopes that the empty feeling will go away, because of her fear of becoming overweight, Natasha's not planning on digesting any of this food. Before Natasha could jam her fingers down her throat to induce vomiting, her pattern of self-abuse came to a sudden end. Her stomach ruptures and her death became instant.
"Natasha made her living off her looks, in the end, she wound up dying for them."
Way To Die #892: Foo-die
Date: 06-04-2004
Location: Bakersfield, CA
Phil Harden is a tire shop co-owner who is addicted to pornography, due to his collection of porn magazines. One day at work, he reads a new release of one of his porn magazines while inflating a truck tire. Distracted by the magazine, Phil forgets to check on the tire, and the tire starts to become a ticking time bomb. After a while, the tire explodes from over-inflation, lodging pieces of shrapnel from the metal tire rim into his brain and killing him.
Way To Die #347: Re-Tired
Date: 08-16-2008
Location: Carbondale, IL
Debbie, an ex-beauty queen, was desperate to get rid of her wrinkles. She hired a doctor (not an actual doctor) to inject her with Botox. Debbie didn't know it at first, but she just signed her death certificate. The pretend doctor had given Debbie a batch of bad Botox. Instead of calling 911 to find a real doctor, Debbie got into her one-piece bathing suit thinking that a dip in the hot tub could calm her down. However, her body became paralyzed. She slipped under the water's surface and drowned, thus sending her to heaven.
"At her funeral, her friends all said..."She never looked better."
Way To Die #652: Botoxicated
date: 07-07-2003
Location: Chicago
Two happy-go-lucky minimum-wage cafeteria workers, Carl and Lenny, are playing around nearby the sink and around the kitchen. One day, at around 2:20 A.M., Carl and Lenny carry two sacks of cocoa-powder and bring them to the store room. In the store room, the two workers opened up the sacks of cocoa powder and play around with the powder while playfully smacking each other. Moments after playing with the powder, the powder starts filling the store room and their alveoli, causing the two to suffocate from a lack of oxygen and die.
"Carl and Lenny, Stupid is as Stupid DIES"
Way To Die #498: Choke-a-lot
Date: 03-21-2002
Location: Jackson, MI
A sex crazed doctor named Dr. Montana prepares to give a patient named Mr. O'Brien a brain x-ray. Dr. Montana leaves and enters the control room, continuing to have sex with his bombshell nurse as Mr O'Brien looks on through the window, somewhat confused and amused. The nurse's butt continuously hits the x-ray machine while they have sex, subjecting Mr. O'Brien to constant bombardments of radiation for the next 20 minutes. The couple didn't realize that they were cooking a patient, until it was too late. The radiation fries Mr. O'Brien's brain, killing him.
"Our advice: Stay out of hospitals, unless you're horny."
Way To Die #629: Sex Ray
Date: November 10, 1992
Location: on a rooftop in Los Angeles, CA
A University Football Player named Daniel throws a party on a roof of a building, but one of the fellow University students is so drunk, which he falls sick and vomits. Despite being told many times to not drink anymore, he ignores the warnings and does it anyway. After getting Police attention, he panics and runs for it, losing his sunglasses and putting on his jacket. When he goes into the hallway, he comes across a mysterious figure that looks like him. Daniel is not frightened by it and he screams as he charges towards it, not knowing that in reality it was just a mirror door, which he rams through the it and bleeds out from his cut jugular vein, causing exsanguination.
Way To Die #200: One Last Strike
