5 chapter 4: Death Over Easy

Date: 12-21-1978

Location: Mobile, AL

Myron Burns may not know it, but he was a very lucky man. He just barely survives burning his house down after falling asleep while smoking in bed three weeks prior. Instead of taking this as a sign that it's about time he kick the habit, he bribes a nurse to take him out back so he can have a smoke. The ash from his cigarette creates just enough of a spark to ignite his bandages, which just so happen to be soaked in a highly flammable ointment. Panicked and helpless, he ends up rolling down a handicapped ramp and is engulfed in flames when his oxygen tank explodes, and was killed from 4th degree burns.

"Myron... goes out in a blaze of gory."

Way To Die #316: THIS MAN IS ON FIRE!!!

Date: 06-15-1995

Location: Fargo, ND

A woman named Alexi suffers from SUNDS, which stands for Sudden Unexpected Nocturnal Death Syndrome (aka Nightmare Syndrome), and dies in her sleep from cardiac arrhythmia, brought on by an intense nightmare about a demonic dwarf strangling her that she could not wake up from.

"She died in her sleep. Cause of death: Heart attack."

Way To Die #818: Frightmare

Date: 11-12-1986

Location: Folsom, CA

An obnoxious former death row inmate named James "Little E" Johnson, whose sentence was commuted to life without parole (much to the disgust of his lawyer), is watching The Oprah Winfrey Show  on his metallic prison toilet. When he realized that his connection was shortened out, he tries to fix it. When he touches the wire, he is electrocuted to death, thus sending this prisoner straight to Hell.

"When Little E. grabbed the frayed wire to fix the TV, he accidently turned his throne... into an electric chair."

Way To Die #91: Oprah Winfried

Date: 04-15-2001

Location: Palmdale, CA

A man named Randy was under the influence of magic mushrooms which made him have hallucinations. Randy tried to talk to the bushes, but he didn't get anything from them, on top of that, he barked like a dog and walked on all fours in the dirt. Then, Randy comes upon a group of people dressed in animal costumes who were engaged in sexual intercourse with each other (something called a furry). Randy tries to have sex with the participants, but each time he was rebuffed (someone in a chicken costume even shooed him away with his beak). Then, Randy saw somebody who thought was dressed up as a bear, only to get a painful surprise...

"It was a real live bear. And it wasn't into casual sex with a human."

When Randy tried to have sex with it, the bear panicked and proceeded to maul him to death.

Way To Die #412: Em-bear-assed

Date: 12-18-2006

Location: Gary, IN

Sonny would love to perform a trick for his fellow bikers when he visited the bar. He would swallow a pool ball, and then attempt to regurgitate the ball out of his mouth. Unfortunately this time, he swallowed the cue ball, and it got stuck in his trachea. Because the cue ball is slightly larger then all the other pool balls, he was unable to get the ball out resulting in death by choking... And 9-1-1 won't be any help.

Way To Die #625: Midnight Chocker

Date: 08-26-1998

Location: Atlanta, GA

Late at night, Arnold Moss decides to spy on an attractive young woman named Su Su; peeping through her kitchen window as she begins to do erotic dances in front of the refrigerator. In reality; Arnold couldn't talk to any woman to save his life. Arnold became so aroused that he snuck by the front porch and peeped through an open window supported by a stick keeping it in place. Arnold then leaned in too far, making Su Su notice him, as she screams. Then before Arnold could make a break for it, his elbow accidentally knocked the stick out of place, causing the window to fall and smash the back of his spinal cord, snapping off disks C2 and C3 severing normal brain functions like breathing and blood pressure; when the connection was severed...death came instant.

Way To Die #269: Boner Killer

Date: 04-12-1996

Location: Lassen County, CA

A Wanna-be Cowboy named Wade wants to be big by becoming an Actor. Being featured in a Commercial for Cigarettes and only riding in the Background made him feel like the next John Wayne. Right after his Agent told him that he did not get a Role as a Filmstar, he wants to convince his Agent that he can take care over every Stunt without problems. His Horse trips over a rock causing him to fall back on the ground head first, transecting his entire neck.

Way To Die #133: Back-Broke Cowboy

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