14 Chapter 13: Death On Arrival

Date: June 6th, 2006

Location: San Diego, CA

Connie, a young woman, was a temp worker whose acting career didn't turn out good. When she decided to become a stripper, she thought things would change, but she didn't have lumps as big as a usual stripper. She opened up her laptop, searched for the closest boob job in San Diego, and found a doctor that specializes in surgery. The next day, she goes to the doctor's office, pays for the expensive surgery, and goes into his operating room. Connie tells the surgeon that she wants "melons, gazongas, bonkers" and that she doesn't want to see her own feet (in other words, the biggest breast implants). The doctor promises to give her the biggest "tatas" in all of southern California. On the patient bed, Connie is put to sleep for the operation, and the doctor starts working on her breasts. But then, it is revealed that the doctor used a pair of sub-standard implants, which were basically large water balloons, and stuffed them into Connie's body.

Two weeks later, Connie boards a plane to Las Vegas, Nevada, while dressed up for her new stripper job. To go along with her bigger breasts, Connie had her hair and makeup done, and even wore a mini-skirted blouse tight enough to show her perky chest and nipples poking through. Every woman boarded on the plane is jealous of Connie's massive lumps and even one man's daughter snaps him out of looking at Connie's chest. Even one man sat behind Connie, put down her arm holder, and touched her breast - well, half of it. Connie noticed all the attention she attracts, which makes her smile. She loved how sexy she is and the new life her boobs would give her.

When the plane takes flight, Connie's chest feels irregular, because as it turns out, she got what she paid for. It turns out the plastic surgeon used substandard implants, barely one step above water balloons. She feels irregular, and it's getting worse. She starts screaming, and the compression gets higher, and the balloons get bigger. Connie was accused of having a bomb inside her chest, but she said it's only her boobs. Then after a little bit, everyone screams, and a lady points to Connie's chest. The bigger her chest grew, the more her blouse stretched and nipples grew. The stewardesses tried to help her while calming the passengers down, but there was nothing they could do. As soon as the plane hits 20,000 feet, her breasts explode. As blood and guts fly all over the walls, more blood and flesh splashes out onto people's faces and bodies even for those who tried to avoid it with the other seats. Connie is shown lifeless sitting on her seat, head on her headrest, bloodied. The passengers are left traumatized by the experience as they stare at Connie's bloody corpse.

Way to die #948: Titty Titty Bang Bang

Date: July 13th, 2006

Location: Chester, PA

Two very crazy workers, Bernie and Casar, decided to get high at work. Marijuana for breakfast. One morning, they get so high Casar decides to drive a forklift around while Bernie is tied behind on a scooter with rope tied around his waist. Unknowingly the rope gets stuck under a car wheel. Casar doesn't notice because he is listening to music. The rope tightens harder and harder around Bernie's waist and eventually he is split in half, exposing his intestines. Casar eventually notices the corpse's upper half, much to his horror.

Way to die #714: Forked-Up

Date: June 15th, 2014

Location: Jerome, AZ

Brad goes camping with his new girlfriend, Fiona. Fiona asks Brad if he wants to had sex on a first date. After they set up the tent, they have sex. Brad discovers quickly that Fiona is a nymphomaniac (sex addict). Fiona kicks Brad out because he isn't doing so well. She locks herself in the tent and decides to satisfy herself instead. Fiona then begins to achieve satisfaction, moaning vigorously. Suddenly, just before Fiona completes her task, a freak wind shows up and pulls the tent off the ground, taking the howling Fiona for a wild ride until the tent lands on a tin roof of a cabin. When the owner of the cabin looks over, he opens the tent and gasps in shock upon the discovery of Fiona. After Fiona hit the roof of the house, she crushed her skull and died.

Way To Die #590: UninTented

Date: April 1st, 2005

Location: Somewhere in Iraq

Two Taliban terrorists, Abdul and Habeeb, were preparing to load a suitcase full of explosives, so they could blow up a police station. While loading the suitcase, they were talking about famous people, like Miley Cyrus  and Jerry Seinfeld. They set the bomb to go off at 1:45 PM (which was one hour away from the current time, 12:45 PM) Unfortunately, Daylight Savings Time took effect, so it was already 1:45. All that Abdul and Habeeb can do is to scream in horror one last time, and after a few seconds, the bomb exploded. Because Abdul was holding the bomb, the blast had a great effect on his hands, fracturing his fingers and disintegrating his arm before blowing up the rest of him and Habeeb, turning the terrorists to dust, leaving a boot that falls onto the ground, sending the two Taliban terrorists to hell.

Abdul: DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME!

Habeeb: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

"In death, Abdul and Habeeb had learned one valuable lesson about life: it's all about timing."

Way To Die #123: Tali-Bombed

Date: 1011 AD

Location: Hvarslo, Norway

In 1011 A.D. Sigurd , a medieval unbeatable Viking, has just defeated his rival by the name of Maelbrigt, beheaded him, and claimed victory. However, Maelbrigt's head bites on to Sigurd's leg after twirling the head in victory. The wound killed him. In other words, his rival was not done fighting. After ten days of walking back to this home village, Sigurd's leg wound got even more infected, and Sigurd was on his way to Valhalla. It would have taken centuries before medicines were made. When Sigurd finally reached Valhalla, his fate was sealed and he was too weak to move. He removed his hat and said his final words, which were, "Slain by a dead man.", then, he passed away peacefully by the stairs to his home.

Way To Die #515: Vike-O-Done

Date: June 7th, 2007

Location: Stockton, CA

Tanya and Sasha are a young lesbian couple (Sasha is the breadwinner while Tanya is the smoking hot housewife). After Tanya burns their dinner, she pulls off her top, revealing "dessert", which is a candy bra and G-string. As Sasha begins to chew on the G-string, it snaps and candy lodges down her windpipe, causing her to choke to death.

Way To Die #444: Deadliest Munch

Date: May 11th, 2006

Location: Woodland Hills, CA

At an outdoor pool party, a man named Stan tries to make friends by telling them about Christianity, but is unsuccessful. Later, while standing beside the pool making friends with a girl, a stray meteorite descending towards Earth strikes Stan through the chest, killing him.

Way To Die #913: Dead Meat-Eorite

Word Count for the deaths is 1,218 daaaammmnnn just to let yall know this story is written by:

Quentin Mason: "The World May Hurt, But Seeing You Go Will Be Even Harder"

Emily Krasinski: "Why Would You Ask Me To Make A Quote...Dumbass"

Sarah McCain: "We Are So Going To Hell For Making This Book"