2 Episode 2: A journey of a thousand miles starts with a single step

Two years seemed to have passed at a faster pace much to his surprise.

As anticipated, he didn't enjoy his earlier stages of being a teenager going through the horror that was puberty. If he thought having cramps was terrible, he should reevaluate that statement because getting uncomfortable erections at the most awkward of times was way worse. If it weren't for the fact that it was temporary, he would have opted to convert into a eunuch. He didn't enjoy being uncomfortable with his own body.

There was also the difficult task of accepting his current gender. It was weird. Even though he acknowledged that he had been a male for the rest of this childhood, ever since Haruyuki regained his 'other' memories, he felt uncomfortable like wearing different shoe sizes too big.

Fortunately, his taste wasn't too different when it came to clothes or accessories. Even when he was a girl at this age, he preferred oversized hoodies, baggy t-shirts, and jeans the like; whichever suited him as long it was comfortable. It was disorienting at first, not feeling the familiar weight on his chest and having to deal every time he went to the toilet. The only consolation for this madness was the freedom to be shirtless in their bedroom without feeling overly self-conscious openly. Though sometimes he unconsciously covered his chest much to Ritsu's confusion.

There were moments he would freak out, but Haruyuki relented that he was slowly getting used to dealing with his body during these couple of years. In some ways, it was more comfortable than a females' due to their flexibility. He didn't have to deal with the unpredictable mood swings and feeling as if he was repeatedly stabbed in his stomach every month, but in the same case, he had to deal with the former regularly.

Much to his amusement, when it came to Ritsu's turn, he was happy to guide him through it; not without snickering at his brother's obvious mortification. The reason for this was because he felt the need to compensate; to act as his brother's emotional support when he realized there was no one for them to depend on emotionally. Since he, himself didn't have anyone to ask, he went through with it alone without too much fuss relying on books for research. He was thankful, in a way, he was already a mentally fully grown adult.

He wasn't that close with his parents. That connection he had with his 'other' family was just wasn't the same. His mother, in some ways, felt cold, but at least she was good at taking care of her children. His father, on the other hand, was a different story. It was like not having one, to begin with. The man was utterly preoccupied with his work and often just cooped himself up in his office at home to pay any attention to his sons. He was practically living with strangers.

Truthfully, his only saving grace was his brother. If it weren't for him, he might have gone off and left without ever as much as looking back.

Overall, it was reasonably peaceful. The Onodera twins started up their fourth year in spring. It was a surprisingly large building with a rather impressive library that soon became his favorite spot to get away. He felt at ease whenever he was with Ritsu. Still, ever since he came back two years ago, Ritsu tended to slip away doing something suspicious, leaving him on his own without clearly giving him a real reason besides blabbering his many apologies and poorly made excuses. Which, according to his memories before he was made aware was not typical for his astray twin. But he could guess why.

He didn't mind it, of course. It was better knowing that his brother was steadily growing out of his shell to be his person; even if he was a stalker.

Frankly, he was more annoyed with what little information he had to work with regarding what he remembered from the manga. It was all vague. It has been a long time, but from what he could gather, Ritsu was supposedly having a severe crush on a senior. Including the significant arcs which will happen in ten years leading up to when Ritsu made the transfer to Marukawa Shoten. And that was a long time. Until then, he will have to roll with it.

Between the two, Ritsu was more open to making friends but was relatively shy when initiating any close bonds. He was slightly clingy and more in tune with his brother. Haruyuki, on the other hand, was a very private yet confident individual. From anyone's perspective, he was oddly mature for a teenager. His charm fancied the teachers and adults, but most teenagers were very wary because they didn't know what to think of him.

Onodera Haruyuki had a sort of a mysterious air about him despite coming off as friendly and polite. Not many acknowledge that he did have a twin in a different homeroom since they never saw them together side-by-side. Often his classmates would mistake them as being the same person even if they happen to pass by each other in the hallway or seen somewhere else separately. Add to the fact he has rarely talked to anyone unless it was Ritsu or partaken to schoolwork; no one knew him aside from being that one guy that was not that bad to work with and could help you score better in a group project.

He wasn't interested in making friends. He much rather be in his own space except for punctually finishing his given assignments and caring for his brother.

Sue him; he was an introvert even when he was a highly stressed, wrung teenage girl in his past life. He was entitled to be a loner because irritably enough he begrudgingly had to attend school for the second time in his life. Even if it was in a different syllabus and education system outlined by the Japanese government, he just wanted to breeze through this phase of his life, get it done and over with.

He could tell that this saddened Ritsu. He had suddenly done a hundred and eighty in his personality. Even though he didn't have any problems when it comes to hanging out with Ritsu, he didn't know how to interact with kids his age. Weirdly enough, for some reason even when they were younger, everyone loved staring at them as if there was some unspoken game that he didn't know about with them always trying to spot the physical differences between them besides their blaring contrasts in personality. Haruyuki didn't like the attention, thus his reason for his frequent visits to the library.

Being siblings meant they could compromise with each other. Like today, Ritsu spent his time with his brother after classes, basking in each other's company in their usual spot amongst the shelves, sheltered from people's view. Haruyuki would write something in his book while Ritsu had his stack to read sitting on the floor.

Today, however, Haruyuki wanted to confirm some things with his brother. He didn't wish to make Ritsu feel insecure. He wanted his brother to feel comfortable enough to be able to open up to him without having felt the need to sneak around and coming up with crackpot excuses. Contradicting this, however, was his logical adult self reprimanding that he shouldn't push his beloved twin. That he also has to ensure he didn't have too much influence on his brother's decisions without heavy consideration of the implications of changing his brother's future. Which he very much dreaded and wanted to avoid.

But, damn it, sometimes it was hard suppressing the child-like aspect of his personality. He may have a mind of an adult, but his heart still followed his youthful appearance.

His gaze lingered on Ritsu's form, whose back slightly hunched against the shelves, head still buried in a book unaware of his brother's inner conflict whether or not he should say something.

'I'm not having abandonment issues. I want to address the matter as a concerned family member that he shouldn'- oh who was he kidding; he was having abandonment issues.

'Damn it all!'

Taking a deep breath to calm his nerves, slowly exhaling he had enough to gather his wits.

"Hey, Ritsu."

He called out to him who was sitting on the opposite side facing his direction with only silence greeted him. His twin's attention was still in the book in his lap as if he hadn't heard him calling in the first place.

Worried that they could get into trouble if he raised his voice any louder, Haruyuki still proceeded in calling out his name in a normal tone several times with little to no result until finally he had enough and just kicked at his brother's feet.

The effect was instantaneous; Ritsu jumped, reminisce that of a tightly coiled spring accompanied with ridiculously exuberant flailing and splutteringーcausing him to knock over some of the books behind him.

Haruyuki only watches in amusement as his brother had toppled over, buried alive in a pile of fallen books. Thankfully, he noted that there weren't any thick volumes. Ritsu's flustered state sparked an image of an adorable little chick flailing his wings wanting to fly away from being swallowed by a pile of gathered leaves.

He couldn't help it, he just laughed. It had been a while since he last felt this good. To openly show his real emotions like this. With everyone else, his default expression would be a polite smile and formally addressing his peers and parents.

It was different when it came to Ritsu. As much as he wanted to, he just couldn't. He didn't want to. Ritsu was his anchor in this lonely world, and he wanted to treasure his time with his precious brother as long as he remained here by his side.

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"Ehhh...Nii-san! That wasn't funny at all!"

Ritsu all but pouted at Haruyuki's snickering. His brother could be mean sometimes. Both of them had left the library after they cleaned up the mess they had unintentionally caused. Fortunately, their spectacle hadn't earned them being thrown out from their sanctuary. Currently, the twins were walking towards their shoe lockers, ready to head home for the day.

"Ah...sorry, sorry." Said brother replied, trying to keep his poking at bay, he turned to the boy beside him.

"My bad. I should've known by now that I mustn't come in between you and your reading." He continued saying this while he was opening his locker.

"But you ought to try paying a little bit more attention to your surroundings Ritsu. You'd never know, it might save you from a lot of trouble these days." At this, said twin could only rub at the nape of his neck feeling abashed as if he had been caught stealing from the cookie jar.

"Sorry, Nii-san."

"No worries." Haruyuki smiled at his brother before getting the contents of his locker only to stop short and frown. Inside, sticking out on top of his shoes was an envelope. Warily, he grabbed his shoes while examining the parchment. The letter was pink, and his name was displayed in neat and carefully handwritten calligraphy. It was addressed to him, so it couldn't be a mistake.

He looked to be uncertain whilst Ritsu was sporting a dumbfounded expression by the unexpected turn of events.

Since when did his life had turned into a start scene of a shoujo manga?

But then again, anything can happen to him at this point. This is a romance manga, after all.

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Haruyuki had no idea how he should act given his current position. He had never been given a love letter before, much less being confessed to.

Though he was curious when he read the letter, why would anyone be interested in him? Honestly, he didn't even remember interacting that much with other people other than Ritsu. He wasn't that...approachable?

'Socially awkward is more like it.' He thought with a grumble.

He didn't even give much thought of his sexuality. Again, he was a woman in another life, heck he was married and had a child for God's sake! He only ever been with men. He wasn't going to start the possibility of dating a female anytime soon. That could get real ugly fast.

Could that translate him to being gay then?

He mentally pinned that thought and shove it as far back into his mind. He would mull over it for later.

He wasn't looking for a relationship right now. For one, he was still in high school anyways. He was much too concern with his studies and looking out for his twin. Besides, it was way too soon to start over and committing himself to a relationship. Why add more to his growing list?

'The woes of being a teenager.'

The twins hadn't spoken a word to each other since the love letter debacle. It was an awkward walk they had to endure on the way home; Ritsu looked conflicted while Haruyuki opted to be unnaturally calm and silent. It was even more uncomfortable during dinner. His mother had frown knowing that something must have happened at school to cause such a stiff atmosphere. When she asked, she was answered with Ritsu looking pointedly at his silent twin.

"Just a personal matter that needed to be settled. Nothing serious, I assure you, Mother." Was his explanation.

Right now, the two had retreated into their room and minded their work. Haruyuki had done he's during his time at the library, so he decided to do his reading. Haruyuki didn't have a particular preference like his brother, who wholly loves literature. He's ranged from books to encyclopedias and manga. He loves illustrated books and manga best because he was an artistic person at heart; He did a little sketching whenever he felt inspired or bored.

Haruyuki was reading one of his brother's books he had checked out from the library when the silent spell between the two was finally broken by none other than his brother himself.

"...What are you going to do about the letter Nii-san?" It was tentative. A seemingly innocent question, yet a difficult one to answer. It took a while for him to contemplate as he stared blankly at the passage he was currently on.

"..."

Haruyuki turned his attention from the page he was reading, eyes meeting with his twin looking expectant from his seat at his desk before turning back to the book.

"I won't meet up with them."

"?!"

Ritsu was shocked by this revelation, staring at the apathetic twin.

'But why??' he thought. What could be the reason for his brother's avoidance of confronting his supposed admirer?

"B-but can't you give them a reply at least?"

Haruyuki closed his eyes in exasperation and sighed. Giving up in continuing with the book, he marked down the page and sealed it with a thud.

Sitting up from his bed to face his brother, he elaborated, "I have no intention of getting their hopes up."

"So it's better if I don't. Honestly, I don't even know them that much, to begin with. It's ridiculous." He shook his head at this, muttering the last part.

"Most of the time, I kept myself occupied at the library. Only a few knew that you have a twin brother, Ritsu." he pointed this fact out to his frowning brother.

'And I like to keep it that way.' he mentally added.

"Besides, what's there to like about me? " he snorted. He was quite content with being just a side character who also happened to be the twin brother of the protagonist that never made an appearance in the main canon thank you very much.

There was a pause after that sentence. Haruyuki never thought that he admitted he had low self-esteem when it comes to expressing himself.

He was afraid that if he let himself get attached to anyone other than Ritsu, he might suffer the consequences of losing them in the end.

And he was dangerously too attached to his brother as it is.

He was cut out from his inner musings when Ritsu clumsily shoved the pink envelope he planned to throw out into his face. He was startled by the action, so he had little choice but to take it back from his brother.

"Nii-san...someone put in a lot into making this letter." Ritsu insisted with a painfully pleading expression.

"Even if...even if you don't reciprocate their feelings, please don't disregard it!"

Determine to get his brother to see reason; he continued with his spoken words. "You might not understand but sometimes having feelings for someone can become difficult to deal with, especially when the person you love doesn't know how you feel about them..." Haruyuki watched his brother flushed at those words.

"But....they took the chance and sent you that letter knowing the possibility of being rejected. This person poured everything, the feelings they had into this letter. So please reconsider meeting them Nii-san even if you want to turn them down. At the very least, they deserved to know that from you in person."

"..."

Haruyuki was speechless and wide-eyed by the end of it. Ritsu was very passionate when he wanted to make his point across. Unlike him, his twin was very honest and straightforward when it came to his feelings despite having a touch of a shy demeanor to him. But he did wonder.

Was it indeed his brother speaking those words? Or was it the words of a love-struck teenager?

Haruyuki smiled with fondness, sighed defeated. He already knew the answer to that question.

It couldn't be helped.

"Ma, sometimes I couldn't help but wonder Ritsu, whose the mature one in this relationship." was his teasing response.

"E-eh?! What do you mean by that Nii-san?"

Said brother just laughed, earning him a pillow to his face for his troubles, courtesy of a red-faced Ritsu.

Moments like these, he treasured. Knowing that the peacefulness of his days are nearing to an end, he will make the most of it.

But one thing was sure, Haruyuki would do his best to support his brother and be the shelter he needed.

Always.