1. First Day

I shoved the last of my suitcases under my dorm bed and admired my new room. It had been a long day, but I was finally unpacked and situated in my hall of residence for the year. My parents and I had arrived on campus early in the morning and we were just finishing up as the sun began to set outside the window. The dorm chaos had lulled after dinner, and now I stood facing my parents as neither of us wanted to be the first to say goodbye.

"Well, I'll see ya at Christmas then, I guess?" I said as I brushed my dark hair back, in a forced cheery tone, desperately fighting back the tears that threatened to spill if I said anything slightly sentimental.

My efforts were useless though as my mom let out an exasperated "Oh Rose!" and rushed to hug me as her tears started to fall. My dad stood a little ways behind, looking just as sad but in a more depressed 'how did this happen so fast' kind of way. I squeezed my mom tightly as my own tears began to coat my cheeks, and then moved on to hug my dad. 

"Seriously though, we'll be able to call and text everyday, so it's not like we'll really be separated" I choked through my laughing tears against my dad's chest. My mom nodded solemnly, and looked around my room one last time.

"Be sure to send us updates all the time, and keep painting, you've got all this scenery around you. Don't waste your time watching Tiktoks and reading Wattpad, okay?"

I laughed at how well my mom knew me and nodded. After another few rounds of hugs and sobs, I waved as my parents left my room and disappeared down the hall. I closed the door, and released a shaky breath as I made my way towards my side of the room.

I collapsed on top of my twin bed and texted my roommate, Jessica, that my parents had just left but to beware because I was still a low-key mess.

My first year at university, my first year being alone, able to make my own decisions and mistakes. The ride up here to Silver Lake, Maine from New York had been pretty easy. The campus was situated on 100 acres of hilly forest, with scenic views from basically every window, including my own. There were red, yellow and orange trees spread out like a quilt along the forest, and the fog that seemed to surround the town and campus was a beautiful backdrop. When we had driven into town, the fog was so heavy and opaque that we could barely see 10 feet ahead. Then there was the lake right at th edge of the college town. The gorgeous body of water that began just at the edge of town and went out past the fog was gigantic, with a beach that was usually pretty desolate, and a couple of mansions that dotted the edge. The forest shaped around the town and stopped at either ends of the lake, creating what appeared to be a crescent with the constant layer of fog obscuring any view of the other side of the lake.

I had been drawn to this college, Arenthe Institute of Technology, ever since I found out about their Political Science department. It was in the top US ranks and boasted famous alumni from all areas of government. Not to mention the insane scholarship I was offered, and the stunning campus location. Even the buildings were enchanting, with historical grey stoned mansions for dorms and academic halls.

I rolled over in bed, observing my room and hyping myself up for the upcoming school year. The two closets book-ending the door were jam packed with our clothing. While Jessica's were light and colorful, my closet seemed to possess the opposite with lots of navy blues and blacks and rich autumnal colors. I did my best to pack an array of clothing, but I mainly stuffed in my chunky sweaters and sweatshirts from various programs and places. Then at the ends of our beds, facing the walls were our desks. Both neat and organized, with makeup storage and new notebooks ready to be utilized. Our beds were in the corners, and while she had gone for a baby blue comforter set, I had chosen a light pink with my weighted blanket.

I stretched and yawned right as I received a final goodbye text from my mom, which made me release just a few more tears. I've always gotten homesick, and I knew that my mom and I would be texting each other depressing "I miss you" messages for the next couple of weeks. But I felt different about this homesickness. It was strange, while I did miss my family and my dog and my childhood home, I felt... right, here. As though there was a piece of me missing my whole life, and being here felt like I was closer to finding what what it was. I feel like my life is beginning, and I know I'll have the opportunity to get out of my comfort zone and really experience things here.

In high school I didn't really "party." I didn't drink or smoke, not that I care if others do, it's just never been a draw for me. And while I appreciate a good party, I don't see an appeal if I'm anxious the entire time about my parents finding out where I am. But here things were a different situation. While I still didn't feel like drinking, I could go and do whatever I pleased, with whom ever I wanted. It was liberating. It was exciting. It was terrifying.

I stood up and made my way towards to the window between Jess' bed and mine. I rested my hands on the cool glass and stared outward but got caught on my reflection. I was wearing a light fleece pullover and some leggings, and my dark hair was pulled into a low bun. Not the cute kind of low bun, but rather the sloppy, awkward kind that you do just for convenience.  Speaking of sloppy and awkward, my mascara had been smudged under my eyes and I looked all together sort of scrappy. I was pretty average looking. The kind of girl that is conventionally "pretty" but only with certain makeup and the proper hairstyle. Basically just average. Same with my body. I glanced down and wondered if I should have worked out more over the summer to prepare for freshman year. I wasn't "unhappy" with my body, but it too was pretty average. There was nothing remarkable about me at all actually. I was smart, but never the most intelligent. I was athletic, but I don't play any sports. My friends would tell me that boys liked me in school, yet I'd never kissed nor had a date with anyone.

I had high hopes that college would change that. All of it.

As I finished my self-absorbed reflection self-assessment, I focused my attention beyond the glass and to the forest beyond. It looked foreboding at this time of day, with the sun already set but the sky still light. There was a blue hue to everything that I wasn't sure ever changed. In the trees I could see birds emerging and disappearing. Then, I saw a flash of something. I wiped at the window slightly and peered through it to a small clearing in the forest where I could have sworn I saw an animal.

Just as I was bending down to get closer to the window the door opened and I jumped and smacked my head into the glass. Jessica laughed as she noticed my grimace and shook her head with a smile as I rubbed my noggin.

"If this is how it's gonna be for the rest of the year maybe I should wear a bell," she chuckled, "but seriously are you good, that was a pretty aggressive bang?"

Jessica was a very classical definition of beautiful. She had long blonde hair with a pink stripe that had grown out awkwardly from the summer, blue eyes, and a fit, athletic body from her dedication to the track team all through high school. She would be the perfect Disney channel mean girl, if she wasn't one of the sweetest people I'd ever met.

We'd started texting and FaceTiming over the summer once we found out we were assigned as roommates, and we clicked as friends almost immediately. Jessica was into politics like me, and we'd send each other political memes mocking ridiculous legislation or niche historical facts. We grew closer as our memes turned into articles about the state of our nation, and we'd talk on the phone for hours about the protection of rights like healthcare, abortion, and the need for gun control. Some of our topics were lighter though, like debates about which was better, Parks and Rec or The Office.

Considering we'd only known each other for a few months, I'd divulged basically every embarrassing fact and detail about myself and from what I know of her, I think she'd done the same.

"Haha, yeah. I'm sorry, I just said goodbye to my parents so I'm a little emotionally unstable ya know," I plopped back down on my bed and sighed dramatically.

"Oh schnuckums! It's gonna be okay, once classes start and you make some friends you're gonna feel a lot better, I promise!"

Jessica flitted around the room, turning on all of our fairy lights and connecting her Bluetooth speaker to play the joint Spotify playlist we had worked on over the summer.

Finally she plopped down beside me on my bed, held my hand, and gave me a reassuring smile that I appreciated.

"I know, I know I'm just being dramatic."

"Why don't we go to the orientation event tonight? I heard from my sophomore friend that they're actually really enjoyable!" She hopped up and I could see the mental gears turning in her head as she pondered the prospect of a social outing.

"Okay yeah, I'm down," the only real advice my older sister had given me about college was to say yes to doing things with friends. Whether it was going to lunch together, going to a party, or just giving them a pen, say yes. 

So as Jessica let out a happy "yay" and began to grab her key card and phone, I glanced out the window one last time and felt excited for this journey to begin.