25 |twenty-three|

"You've got two choices—you can stay while we practice and one of us can walk you home after or one of us can walk you home before we start." Chan smiles as he finishes picking up the garbage from our meal.

"I don't care." I mumble awkwardly as SeungMin and JeongIn bicker behind me.

"I can walk her home now. She's probably tired." JiSung speaks up before anyone else can.

"Do you want JiSung to walk you home now? It doesn't matter—whichever you prefer." Chan questions as he steps between HyunJin and MinHo as they poke at each other.

"That's fine." I nod awkwardly as I recall everything that happened with JiSung earlier.

His lips—they were so warm and soft. He made my lips tingle—not in the uncomfortable way people touching me typically causes—but in a heart racing, butterflies in my stomach kind of way. I honestly never imagined a moment like this would come. I've never been so obsessed with someone before that I actually imagined being with them as more than a friend.

For the longest time, people assumed I was a lesbian because guys would ask me out and I'd shut them down quicker than anyone ever thought possible. I'm just not a relationship person. I always mess them up, so I've never actually wanted one, but looking at JiSung, I want it.

"I just have to grab my coat from the studio on our way out." JiSung explains softly as he grabs my bag and jacket. He carefully helps me put my coat on before taking my hand in his.

"Wait!" MinHo hurries toward me and hugs me tightly.

"Me, too!" HyunJin joins MinHo in suffocating me.

"I'll message you after practice. You better answer or I'll march my butt over to your place." MinHo teases as he pulls back. He pinches my cheeks playfully before shoving HyunJin off of him. MinHo runs after HyunJin yelling, clearly no longer interested in me.

"See ya!" Felix chirps from beside ChangBin.

Before I can say a proper goodbye to everyone, JiSung pulls me into the hall. The moment the door shuts, he picks up his pace and leads me toward the studio. He pulls the door open and guides me in. Once inside, he lets go of my hand and locks the door. He turns toward me and takes a shaky breath.

"JiSung—" I begin to panic as he tosses my bag down on the couch next to his jacket.

"Don't worry, I just wanted to finish what I started." JiSung whispers as he delicately takes my face in his hands. He leans in to press his forehead against mine again. His eyes flutter shut as he takes a deep breath.

I tense beneath him, but part of me doesn't want to flea. No matter how much I despise being touched, his warm embrace is something I never want to leave. I examine his peaceful face as he holds me close. He doesn't force himself on me. He doesn't try anything he knows I won't approve of. The only part of him touching me is his forehead against mine and his hand on my cheek.

At any moment, I could step back. I could put distance between us. The wall is a good three feet behind me. I could run and he would have no way of containing me except the locked door. The locked door wasn't meant to contain me though. It's meant to keep the others at bay.

I swallow hard before gathering up all of my courage to wrap my arms around his neck. I pull his face closer to mine until our lips touch. JiSung stops for a moment, clearly taken aback by my sudden embrace. He collects himself fairly quickly and rests his arm around my waist.

The kiss is quite gentle and slightly panicked, but memorable. JiSung steps back, his face bright red. He takes his bottom lip between his teeth as he ruffles his own hair. He turns his back to me as he chuckles awkwardly.

I stare at my feet in shock. I can't seem to move. What came over me? Why did I do that? That's not something I do. I despise that kind of affection. It seems so forced and unnatural, but in the moment—it felt right.

"No one can know this happened." JiSung mumbles as he turns back toward me.

I can't respond. My words are trapped in my throat. I never imagined any of this could ever happen—especially not to someone like me. All those girls who follow them around and sit outside the building waiting for a glimpse of them should've had a much higher chance of something like this happening than I did—but here I am.

"Trust me—I don't even know if I believe it happened." I whisper as I grab my bag from the couch.

"Why?" JiSung turns to me suddenly confused.

"Because I'm not someone this kind of thing should happen to." I shrug as I hand him his coat and head toward the door.

"Why shouldn't this kind of thing happen to you? You're a human being just like the rest of us." JiSung puts his coat on before reaching out to catch my arm.

"Because I never really saw myself being in a relationship. I always imagined I'd live alone in the middle of nowhere working as an author or something so I didn't have to deal with other people." I explain softly as I stare down at his hand. I fight the urge to peel it off of my arm.

"Why? What's so wrong with being in a relationship?" JiSung asks as he catches onto my discomfort and lowers his hand.

"It's not necessarily the relationship part, it's what comes with it. There's a lot of touching and things I'd rather stay away from." I mumble as JiSung stares me dead in the eye, clearly trying to understand my feelings.

"You don't seem to mind the touching part—not much at least. You don't mind it unless it goes on for too long." JiSung begins digging through his memories to try and put things together.

"I'm asexual." I state calmly as I lower my gaze to my feet. I rub awkwardly at my arm.

"Oh—but that doesn't mean you can't be in a relationship." JiSung's eyes narrow as he once against looks up at me.

"I know, but it's a whole lot to explain to someone who refuses to get it. You have no idea how many people have told me it's just a phase. They insist it's because I haven't found the right person yet." I glance toward the door. We should really start going or Chan is going to be suspicious when JiSung comes back twenty minutes later than he should've.

"There's nothing you can change about it. If that's the way you feel—that's the way it is." JiSung smiles as he relaxes. He'd been so tense—worried he went too far.

"I don't know if that's how I feel though. I don't know what I feel on a normal day, so how can I know when it comes to an emotion I don't understand? I don't know what love is. I really don't. All these people have these grandiose ideas of what it is and all I see is people holding hands and kissing—but around you—I think I might understand it a little bit—but I don't know." I sigh in defeat as I shake my head and unlock the door.

"Don't go to sleep until I call you. We can't talk about it much now—but tonight—tonight we can talk about it. I'll come up with an excuse to slip out and I'll come over to talk." JiSung mumbles softly, not wanting to risk anyone overhearing.

"You don't have to. You'll be tired and I'll probably be a mess. I haven't hit rock bottom recently, so it's gotta be coming soon." I shrug as he takes my hand in his.

"Now I'm for sure coming over." JiSung states firmly as we slip out the side door of the building in hopes of not being caught by the lingering crowd out front.