35 |thirty-three|

"The article comes out at midnight." JiSung mumbles as he glances over at JeongIn and me.

"Once it comes out, a few of us will walk her home. You should stay here." Chan states calmly as he chops up vegetables to feed us.

"She shouldn't be alone though. What if she reads the comments—we all know that they won't be good." JiSung attempts to keep his voice low enough I can't hear, but he fails. I hear everything, even the fear in his voice.

"Noona?" JeongIn taps me on the shoulder to regain my attention.

"Hm?" I turn toward him with wide eyes.

"Did you hear anything I said?" JeongIn chuckles as he plays with his stuffed fox.

"Sorry—I got distracted. Did you call me Noona?" I question as it suddenly registers in my head.

"Yeah—I figured you were older than me." JeongIn looks away shyly.

"Well—yeah—I am, but I didn't know you guys knew. The others don't seem to notice." I mumble as I wrap my arms around my stuffed squirrel. None of the others have called me Noona. I'm older than all of the 2000 line.

"They don't know if you're older than them or not; but I kinda figured you were older than me." JeongIn watches me closely as I glance back at Chan and JiSung.

"I was born in 99. I'm older than most of you." I shrug as I turn back toward him.

"What about ChangBin?" MinHo asks as he sits down beside us.

"August 11th, right?" I turn to MinHo for confirmation.

"Hm—what about it?" ChangBin questions as he hops onto the couch behind us.

"Yeah, that's his birthday." JeongIn nods as he glances over at ChangBin.

"I'm older." I chuckle as I look back at ChangBin.

"I called it." MinHo laughs as he leans forward to flick ChangBin's forehead.

"That means you're older than Sung, too." ChangBin mumbles as all three of them turn toward JiSung.

JiSung sits at the table with his head in his hands. He's still lost after what happened earlier. I fight the urge to get up and sit beside him. He needs time alone. I know how it feels to be so lost and confused that it's crippling.

"Question." Felix stops in front of us, blocking our view of JiSung.

"The answer is no—now move your butt." MinHo leans forward to push Felix out of the way.

"What is it?" I slap MinHo and look up at Felix.

"You won't know." Felix groans as he falls down next to us. He follows the others' gaze toward JiSung.

"Stop staring at him." SeungMin slips out of his room and slaps ChangBin across the back of his head.

"Just ask it. I know what you're all thinking." JiSung groans as he lays his head down on the table.

"Don't say a word." Chan threatens as he holds up a spoon in our direction.

"Seriously? We really aren't going to talk about it?" MinHo gets to his feet and makes his way toward Chan.

"No, we aren't. I already took care of it. The article comes out at midnight. That's all that needs to be said." Chan states firmly—his eyes filled with something I've never seen from him before.

"You're telling me that nothing happened that hour you and JiSung were gone. We sat in the practice room pacing around frantically for nothing? I don't believe that." MinHo grows more and more aggressive with each word.

"MinHo—stop it." I get to my feet and hurry towards him. I stand between him and Chan. I wrap my arms around his waist and place my cheek against his chest.

"Do you really want to know? Do you honestly want to know just how horrible that hour was?" JiSung pushes his chair out from under the table and gets to his feet. He takes a step toward us.

"JiSung." Chan tries to get to JiSung before he can open his mouth again.

"I got interrogated. I had to tell them my every move for the past year. Any moment I wasn't under their supervision, I had to tell them where I was and what I was doing. Do you know how humiliating it is to have to explain why you slipped out of the dorm to take a walk at four in the morning three times a week? Do you know how hard it is to have to tell people everything you feel just because they're afraid you're going to do something stupid?" JiSung stares at his feet as his hands tremble. He swallows hard as he looks up at us with tears in his eyes.

"We had no idea—we didn't mean to—" MinHo stumbles over his words as I step away from him. I turn toward JiSung to see the pain in his eyes.

"This isn't something you need to tell them JiSung." Chan places his hand on JiSung's shoulder and squeezes.

"I should at least tell her." JiSung mumbles as he looks directly at me.

"Us three—me, you, and Ari—we'll go to Ari's place and you can tell her there. I know I said you should stay here, but right now I think it's best you cool off." Chan pats JiSung on the back before nodding MinHo toward the others.

"I can finish the food." SeungMin jumps up and stands obediently beside MinHo.

"MinHo—help him." Chan instructs as he leads JiSung toward the door.

I stand frozen in the center of the room. What does he need to tell me? What is he hiding from the others? Should I be worried? I jump as I feel a hand on my shoulder.

"It'll be okay. I promise." HyunJin smiles down at me. He motions for me to follow after Chan before stepping back.

I swallow hard and turn back in search of my squirrel. JeongIn delicately hands it to me before lowering his head. My feet carry me after JiSung and Chan without much thought. The sound of the door clicking shut behind me sends chills down my spine. Something isn't right.

"Just take her home for me. I want to be alone." JiSung whispers softly as he shrugs Chan off of him.

Without a word, I reach out to grab his hand. He glances over his shoulder at me, his eyes red and teary. His gaze falls immediately as he picks up on my concern.

"Take her home please, Chan." JiSung takes my hand and places it in Chan's before putting his hood up and walking toward the stairs.

"Stop—just stop it." I snap as tears fall down my face. I hold onto my stuffed squirrel tightly as I stare JiSung down.

"You never let me do anything on my own. You're always beside me. I'm not leaving you alone. I don't care if you never tell me what you talked about. I don't care if you never talk to me again, but I'm not leaving you alone. We spent that hour terrified. I thought I was going to be the reason they kicked you out of the group. I thought that it was all my fault that you guys were having such a hard time recently, but I'm not—am I?" I throw my stuffed squirrel on the ground out of anger and frustration. This feeling is something I haven't felt in forever. It's been so long since I've thrown a fit because something didn't go my way, but I can't stand to see him like this.

"No—no, you're not." JiSung mumbles softly as he turns to face me.

Chan picks up my stuffed squirrel and quickly ushers us into the elevator, afraid someone might overhear us. JiSung shakes his head as the doors shut behind us.

"Calm down, both of you. Everyone's just on edge because of the article. It's not even that big of a deal. Everyone is blowing it out of proportion." Chan attempts to calm the uneasy feeling, but it doesn't do anything.

"You made everything better. When I was at my lowest—when I wanted to swallow every single one of my pills—you were there. You were always in the back of my mind. You were the only person who could stop me from doing something stupid. Your ridiculous antics—your effortless humor—your voice—your face—everything you do made it all better. I'm not going to let you suffer on your own—you never let me—even before we met, you were my best friend." I swallow hard as I stare at my feet. My anger slowly fading at the memory of one night in particular.