22 Don't Cry

It takes all of Xi Zirui's effort to smile at Su Xueyi when alarm bells are ringing in his ears.

"I fell asleep," he says, rubbing his eyes with the back of his hand. "Is it time to go back already?"

Su Xueyi nods. "You're wanted on set in five minutes."

"Go ahead, I'm just going to brush my teeth and I'll join you," Xi Zirui says, trying to sound casual.

He gets an odd look in return. "I'm your bodyguard, I should walk you around the set."

Xi Zirui's answering smile is tight. Why isn't this guy leaving? "I'll just be a few minutes behind, go ahead."

The puzzled look never leaves Su Xueyi's face, but he doesn't insist further.

He takes one last look at Xi Zirui, and closes the door behind him.

"Host, I don't think he believed you," Ni Ni says, helpful as ever.

"You don't say." Xi Zirui gets up from the bed and goes to the bathroom, because he might as well really brush his teeth while he's at it. "Just tell me what you were about to say before he interrupted us."

The bathroom is so cramped it can barely fit a single person inside, Xi Zirui has to squeeze his elbows to his ribs to be able to brush his teeth in front of the small mirror. He looks into his own bloodshot eyes and braces for whatever Ni Ni is going to tell him.

"As I was saying before, a good story needs tension. So the Love Interest couldn't be perfect. In this world Su Xueyi and Xi Zirui first met when they were in school, before Xi Zirui began idol training. Su Xueyi developed feelings for the original. At that time Su Xueyi wasn't handsome, and instead was short and awkward, so not only did the original Xi Zirui reject him, he also ridiculed him publicly."

It's amazing how Ni Ni continues to surprise him in the worst ways possible.

"What the fuck," he exhales, toothbrush halfway to his mouth.

Probably noticing his displeasure, Ni Ni hurries to add, "But when meeting him again, he was supposed to be impressed by Host's good character, and changed demeanor, which would reawaken his old feelings and make him give up on his revenge plans!"

"His revenge plans?!" Xi Zirui screams, spitting toothpaste into the sink and missing it by an inch.

Ni Ni chirps alarmingly. "Host, please calm down. The first phase worked already, didn't Su Xueyi praise you for not being what he expected?"

Xi Zirui faintly remember the conversation in the car where Su Xueyi mentioned his company said he could be a little 'high maintenance'.

"What does that have to do with anything?"

"Su Xueyi is Bai Mi's cousin, from her mother's side of the family." Ni Ni says, and everything slots into place for Xi Zirui.

The weird leaked photos from the photoshoot that looked like someone on set had taken them, the weird questions from the journalist, and then Su Xueyi talking with him in secrecy after they left.

The fact that Su Xueyi was always so interested in his every move.

Xi Zirui looks into his own disbelieving face in the toothpaste splattered mirror and bites back the urge to punch his own reflection. "That motherfucker."

"Ah, Host, I can tell you're getting dangerously upset. That's not good, think of your blood pressure." Ni Ni says, in soothing tones. "It's true that Su Xueyi and Bai Mi saw the absence of the original's previous bodyguard as the perfect opportunity to have Su Xueyi infiltrate the set and get revenge on you and Han Yu, but through Host's charms, Su Xueyi was supposed to discover that the vain and cruel Xi Zirui of his childhood was now a changed person, and come clean about his initial plan."

And that's the person Xi Zirui is supposed to fall madly in love with?

"How is this whole thing going to work out for Han Yu in the end?" he asks his own reflection, in the absence of Ni Ni having a face, or any corporeal form to speak of.

"Ah, Host wasn't supposed to care about him, he isn't a very good person to begin with. He would still end up disgraced and his career would be over..."Ni Ni says, trailing off.

Xi Zirui scoffs. "Did you notice how many times you used the words 'supposed to' and 'should'? Did any of the Transmigrator's 4000 programmers, or whatever, account for real human emotion when creating this damn machine?"

Ni Ni hums noncommittally.

"Han Yu might not be a great person, but I fail to see how Su Xueyi is any better! Who holds a decades old grudge over something that happened in high school? Who is writing this script?"

Xi Zirui has a particularly hard time understanding Su Xueyi's motivations, because he was also an unappealing nerd for most of high school until he hit his own growth spurt, and yet he never developed an obsessive crush on any of his classmates.

"The original Xi Zirui was very cruel to him, Host doesn't understand..." Ni Ni starts.

"He was also fourteen! Has Su Xueyi never heard the saying 'the best revenge is a life well lived'?"

Xi Zirui has no doubt the original was the world's biggest asshole - not even Han Yu liked him, which is saying a lot - but that only makes it harder for him to understand why Su Xueyi would still have a hate-boner for him, all these years later.

He realizes he is in no place to judge anyone for their terrible taste in men, considering his current predicament with Han Yu, but Su Xueyi's adolescent love turned into revenge plot deserves a little scorn.

Much more than five minutes have gone by since Su Xueyi left, and Xi Zirui needs to hurry.

He washes the toothpaste off his face as best he can without messing up the makeup too much, and books it out the trailer.

There's much he needs to think about if he doesn't want this whole situation to spiral out of control. "You said 'this is very bad', what could be worse than the current situation?" Xi Zirui asks Ni Ni, trying to move his lips as little as possible while speaking, being mindful of everyone walking around on set.

"Su Xueyi isn't growing any closer to Host, which means that he isn't rethinking his original plan, and is going through with it. Soon he'll find a way to frame Host and Han Yu for being complicit in a plan to besmirch Bai Mi's reputation and ruin her career."

Noticing Xi Zirui's killing aura coming off him in waves, Ni Ni rushes to add. "Of course, Host can still try to make Su Xueyi fall in love with him and rethink the whole thing!"

Xi Zirui tightens his hands into fists under his costume's billowy sleeves, ignoring the pain in his wrists, he says. "We'll see about that."

---

Filming goes about as smoothly as pulling teeth. No matter how hard Xi Zirui tries, the only emotion he manages to bring forth is "murderous".

Which according to Liao Min, "You look constipated! What's up with that face? Why are you looking at Han Yu like he stepped on something nasty?"

At the moment he's unable of making any other face, but Han Yu must take Liao Min's comments to heart and think that Xi Zirui is disgusted by his presence. His face falls between takes, and he isolates himself from everyone, burrowing his face into his phone, and only looking up when Liao Min calls everyone to their marks again.

It pisses Xi Zirui off that he's only hurting Han Yu more, while the actual target of his anger is off to the side, chatting animatedly with a production assistant.

Xi Zirui really isn't cut out to be an actor, unlike Han Yu he can't turn off his feelings when a scene calls for it. Everything shows on his face, whether he wants it or not.

Every time he looks at Su Xueyi his anger mounts, in a way, keeping his distance from Han Yu feels like letting him and Bai Mi win.

Liao Min finally calls filming over with a dispirited sigh.

Xi Zirui knows he's in trouble when she jumps out of her chair and makes a beeline for him, her smile deceptively sweet, and incongruous in her haughty face.

"Xi laoshi, tomorrow we're filming the wedding, and the wedding night," her smile grows upwards towards her sculpted cheeks, making her look slightly deranged. "I don't need to remind laoshi how important those scenes are, in establishing the romance between Hai Yaomei and Xiu Xianren, so please, please, get it together tomorrow."

She taps Xi Zirui lightly on the shoulder but it feels like a punch.

Message received.

"Host, tomorrow's scenes are crucial for the drama's success, director Liao is right, Host must deliver a great performance!" Ni Ni says, sounding anxious.

Xi Zirui chances a look towards Han Yu, but he turns away before their eyes can meet, following behind his bodyguards with his shoulders slumped.

"Ready to go back to the hotel?" Su Xueyi asks, materializing at Xi Zirui's side, his dimpled smile as charming as ever.

Who knew dimples could look so evil? Xi Zirui does his best not to glare at him when he replies, "Sure, let's go."

During the short drive to the hotel, Xi Zirui tries to unwind some of the tension coiling in his muscles by thinking of all the ways he's going to make Su Xueyi and Bai Mi sorry to have crossed his path.

---

The first thing he does once inside his room is check his phone and the dozens of unread messages from Han Yu.

The car ride into town is very elucidating. Not only did he realize that he went all these years without noticing he has a bit of a mean streak, but he also realized that he can't stop Su Xueyi and Bai Mi alone.

He has to tell Han Yu what they're doing if he wants to shield him from the fallout.

Ni Ni doesn't agree. "Host, please don't do this, remember the bad ending!"

"Fuck the bad ending, there is no way this shitshow is going to end in any way I'd consider 'good', so I might as well do what I want."

He scrolls through the messages, and his heart seizes with each of them.

"Didi are you there?"

"Didi don't ignore me."

"Are you upset with me?"

"I take it back, I like you a moderate amount..."

"You don't need to reply with a word, just a sticker is enough, a funny gif even."

"This isn't funny."

"Zi-di, please answer."

"Xi Zirui, I never thought you'd be this cruel."

"I wonder if you're laughing as you read my messages."

"Even if you are, I'll keep sending them." That one in particular makes tears well up in Xi Zirui's eyes. Han Yu has such a tender heart, whether he knows it or not.

"Please say something."

"Don't ignore me, it really hurts."

"Xi Zirui?"

"Didi?"

After that his messages are just question marks, and then they stop, sometime around 2 am.

Han Yu must have barely slept.

His throat is clogged with the tears he's trying to hold back, and his fingers tremble as he writes. "I'm sorry, I want to explain, can you come up to my room?"

He gets a reply minutes later. "There's no need to explain. I wouldn't want to bore you with my presence. Rest well."

Xi Zirui sends another text, "I mean it, I'm really sorry, I really want to talk," but it's never delivered.

Either Han Yu blocked him on WeChat or turned off his phone.

Xi Zirui lets out a bitter, watery laugh, he guesses he deserved that. He drags himself to bed and curls up on himself, hugging his knees to his chest.

This time, when the tears come he doesn't try to stop them.