When i was a Kid. .

I felt so much joy in my heart when i was a young kid. I love looking to people around me with joy in my heart. I always smile to them even if i don't know them. I thought my life as a kid i'm a very nice person but when i first saw on the television about the movie entitled "Passion of Christ" i cried so much because there was a person who died for us and that we are all sinners. That is the time i have known JESUS, the reason why we go to church every sunday together with my family. The reason why we have an altar with an image of Jesus being crucified. I always look at His face and talk to Him. If i have done wrong things my mother punishes me even though it was an accident. Like the broken plates, glasses, vase, and more. There was a time i dropped the water in mom's phone because of clumsiness. It even gets worst and i am traumatized because i already think of negatively and that accidents would really happen. My mother slapped me so much for what i did and doesn't let me eat. She even put me inside an empty sack of rice for a long time. I was hardly breathing there and can't move. I'm crying because my little brother swings me round and round too but i just understand him because he is still a little boy. After my mother let me out she made me bend my knees at the altar. I remember i was crying so much and i talk to that image, "Lord i'm sorry for my sins, i didn't made it in a purpose it was an accident!" Then i got asleep at the altar hugging an electric fan. 😅 When i woke up i wished for three simple things and it was granted. I only remember that i will have an umbrella and i was amazed that my prayer was heared. My mother really brought me the things i wanted for few days. 😲

I am also horrified at our house because i am afraid of ghost and fearful movies i watched. It was like a dream but actually happened and seen. Like i have seen a movie of a big spiders that ate people. That night i dreamt i was being trapped by spiders the reason i woke up for that nightmare. But i really saw four true spiders coming and they were big just like a fist. They passed near my tummy and i didn't move. I really felt them passing at my body because i felt their feet crawling. They go to my parents room from the other side. I got up and follow them slowly and they were all gone crawling above the ceiling. I also had a doll before because i love playing it so much. I hide it in our cabinet downstairs after i played. That night i dreamt again that my doll was in our cabinet but it was upstairs in my room. In my dream i woke up and i saw my doll sitting there and i got her and lay her with my neck but she tend to bite me. I was afraid and got mad so i divided her bodies. Her head, arms and legs! I opened the window and throw her outside. When i woke up in the morning i was searching for my doll downstairs but it was gone. I haven't seen my doll so i thought about my dream that maybe it really happened. I was very shocked because when i go back to my room upstairs i saw that the window i had thrown my barbie doll in my dream was open. When i look outside for my doll it was really her into pieces and i didn't play and pick her up anymore. 😲

I went outside to play under the tree and picked some flowers there. I saw a white feather and i said, "Wow, this is from a wing of an angel!" I burried it in a muddy soil and put a wooden cross above it. Then i placed the flowers i got and i prayed over. I imagined i am in a cemetery like what i saw on the TV. 😁 My younger brother was named Christ because he was born on Christmas day. I love my little brother but my mother also treats him so bad. Her hands were so light to hurt us always. My brother that time was very thin and when she slaps my brother like a piece of stick, or a hanger, or a comb i will cry and say, "Stop it mother!" I will hug my brother so tight and we cry together. Sometimes i will claim his mistakes just to save my little brother for being hit.

My mother owns a little sari-sari store and my eyes were always looking at junkfoods, biscuits, and soft drinks. 😅 When i have a fever i felt my mother loves me so much because she will give me a biscuit and an orange juice. I wish to have a fever always for that feeling of being loved and cared when sick. Sometimes the devil tempts me in my mind to steal coins and foods in our store but it felt so wrong inside that i never really done that thing. I know it is a sin and i feel guilt when i do that stealing. When we go to school my money is two pesos only and i told my brother to earn some money to give it to my mother. It came a hundred plus then we gave it to her. I told her, "This is for you mom to buy rice for our food." I seen in her eyes we made her happy. We still love my mother even if she treats us that way. We live in a squatter area and that place was so crowded and polluted. My parents decided to transfer in Cebu province and there, my self and my life changed so so bad. 😞😢😭